More than 15 years ago my mom passed away after a short battle with cancer. It wasn’t until then that I felt I needed God in my life. I had so many questions and I just knew somehow God would answer them for me. Although I was so angry with him for taking my mom away from me, I prayed and prayed and prayed to him. I never received the answers I was looking for and never felt the connection I was craving, so I gave up.

Flash forward 10 years and I again found myself crying and praying to God but for a different reason. My husband and I wanted a baby and nothing was happening. Now older and wiser, I prayed to a God I did not know, but knew would help me in any way he could. More than 2 years of heartache and tears and prayer after prayer after prayer passed. And then, just like that, those prayers were answered in a big way – triplets!

Again, it was after their premature birth and fighting for their lives that I knew I needed God in my life for good. I prayed hard that God would not take them from me, too. I prayed for the nurses and doctors taking care of them. I prayed they would come home happy and healthy. And they did.

I felt closer to God than ever before, but attending church regularly with the kids was just something my husband and I were not ready to do. If you can imagine, life with infant triplets was trying at times and getting out the door and getting anywhere on time was chaotic, to say the least.

But then, just like that, right before they turned 4-years-old, I knew in my heart it was time. My husband agreed. We talked about where we wanted to attend and the same church was at the top of both of our lists. So, on the 15th anniversary of my mom’s death we attended, what we hoped to be our forever church together – for the first time as a family.

I was terrified. I was worried the kids would cry when we left them in their classroom. I was worried we would sit somewhere that someone else sits every Sunday. I was worried we just wouldn’t fit in.

But, none of that happened. The only thing that happened that morning was we all grew a little closer to God and I had a very good cry session. That was February of this year and we haven’t looked back since.

My husband and I quickly decided we wanted to be involved and serve the church in any way we could. I’m not sure what his thoughts were, but I knew I wanted to work with the kids! That kind of sounds silly since I spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with triplets, but kids are my life now. When I became a mom I may have lost my mind, but I found a huge space in my heart for not only my kids, but ALL kids.

After the first time we volunteered I knew I chose wisely. My heart was so full I just burst into tears on our way home. I feel such peace and calm when we sit in during the Sunday sermon, but the way I feel after serving in the early childhood ministry is indescribable. And I thank God every day for allowing me to be a part of something so amazing.

I can’t even begin to explain how much we love our forever church. We have felt unbelievably welcome since day one. I cannot thank them enough for making us feel like nothing less than wanted. In the little time we have been attending my heart has never felt so at ease as it does when I am there each Sunday. This new beginning has been such a blessing to our family. God is now a part of our daily lives. He is always in our hearts and we are growing closer to him each day. 

My heart may never heal from losing my mom. I miss her every single day. But, I can tell you when I walk into that sanctuary each week, I feel her all around me. God knows my heart. He knows that it is aching and I put my trust in him to get me through another day without her.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Angela Fry

Angela is the mother of triplets Jase, Henley, and Sadie. She spends her days loving and sometimes loathing the experience of raising multiples. When she’s not chasing three preschoolers, you can find her sharing her heart on amazing sites like Her View From Home and drinking an entire pot of coffee before lunch.

A Letter To My Mother in Heaven

In: Death of a Parent, Grief, Motherhood
Wide open sky at sunset

Dear Mom, I miss you. I wish you were here. I can tell you a mom is irreplaceable for a child. When a mom dies, her child is no longer whole. The loss makes it hard to breathe. That child flails in the wind like a cottonwood seed. A piece of fluff that gets knocked about the world by the wind. Sometimes I landed on solid ground, sometimes I landed in a pond and almost drowned. But I’m still here. I survived. RELATED: To Those Who Know the Bitter Hurt of Losing a Parent In the year after your death,...

Keep Reading

The Grey Sweater

In: Death of a Parent, Faith, Grief
The Grey Sweater www.herviewfromhome.com

Folding the laundry gets me down sometimes. It’s a mindless activity, really. My brain runs on autopilot as it remembers the old days when laundry only took up a small percentage of my time. Nowadays, I can spend up to four hours in one afternoon doing laundry for my tribe of six people. I drift into a mechanical rhythm as I go through my three step process: retrieve fold put away (Granted, this is an ideal scenario- I don’t typically make it through all three steps in one day!) While I was going through the motions this morning, my hands...

Keep Reading

Even Though You’re In Heaven, Your Grandchildren Will Know You

In: Death of a Parent, Grief, Motherhood
Mother and little boy looking down road

The well-loved picture frame sits on the shelf in your grandkids’ room; just high enough to be out of reach from curious toddler hands, but low enough for me to pull it down each time they ask about you. That photo of you— it has always been my favorite. You look so happy, so healthy, so whole . . . just the way that I want these sweet grandbabies of yours—the ones you never got to meet—to know you. Because although you may be in Heaven, they will know you. You’ll never bounce them on your knee, or sneak extra...

Keep Reading

He Died Getting Sober For His Granddaughter: What My Father’s Death Taught Me About Grief

In: Death of a Parent, Grief
He Died Getting Sober For His Granddaughter: What My Father's Death Taught Me About Grief www.herviewfromhome.com

Years had been spent trying to tell my father that he needed help. He and his wife had separated, gotten back together, and separated again. His alcoholism was controlling every facet of his life and he was in complete denial about it. That had been the way for years. When I finally became pregnant, my husband and I decided to drop the bomb on Dad with humor. He had what we called a “thriving” waistline (due to excessive drinking and poor diet) and so I pointed out his gut and said “give me a few months and I’ll catch up....

Keep Reading

Moving Through Grief With My Sensitive Son

In: Death of a Parent, Grief, Kids
Moving Through Grief With My Sensitive Son www.herviewfromhome.com

My middle child, Austin, is not the extrovert like his older sister and younger brother. Though he doesn’t hide from a crowd, he’s most happy at home, reading books, riding his bike in the alley, and cuddling in our big chair with me. He’s always been this way. My husband, Shawn, and I spent a painful year watching Austin scream and cry every single day when we’d leave him at the preschool doors. The next year was less dramatic, but he still shed many tears. Finally in kindergarten he could walk into the classroom without crying, but he would still...

Keep Reading

My Mom Died and It’s Not Fair

In: Death of a Parent, Grief, Motherhood
My Mom Died and It's Not Fair www.herviewfromhome.com

“I think we should leave,” I whispered to my husband through clenched teeth as my two-year old daughter, Hailey, wailed in my arms. We were at my cousin Ryan’s house for his daughter’s birthday party and Hailey was having a typical overtired toddler meltdown. Tears started to well up in my eyes, but not because of my daughter’s less than ideal behavior. As I surveyed the room, I could see my aunt smiling and laughing with her granddaughter and Ryan’s wife’s mom right beside them, doting on the little girl, too. Witnessing this made me think about my own mother...

Keep Reading

A Love Letter From Mamas in Heaven to Their Beautiful Daughters on Earth

In: Death of a Parent, Grief, Journal, Loss
motherless, motherless daughter, grief, loss, heaven, faith, grieving, mom www.herviewfromhome.com

“We know days don’t come easy for you and so we chose to band together and compose a love letter in your honor. Funny thing when it comes to mamas in Heaven: we find each other and form a tribe like a sisterhood on earth. We comfort one another when you’re hurting and we brag up the wazoo when you accomplish anything. Actually, we brag from morning till night. Yesterday Kim’s mama made us gather around and listen for over an hour how her daughter graduated college with honors although she had mononucleosis for two semesters. Right now, Sara’s mama...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, I Know the Importance of a Dad, Because I Lost Mine Too Soon

In: Death of a Parent, Journal
Dear Husband, I Know the Importance of a Dad, Because I Lost Mine Too Soon www.herviewfromhome.com

Dad was enlightened. He knew that every small moment mattered. He was silly, too. He made funny faces at me in every situation. He told stories of sailing to China on container ships, and he practiced Tai Chi every morning. He knew how to engage my creativity, spreading butcher paper all over the living room floor so I could draw on and on and on. His collection of string instruments and the bright, whimsical canvases he painted in oil decorated our home. We danced and sang to Ry Cooder and David Lindley and ate slices of juicy red watermelon on...

Keep Reading

To Those Who Know the Bitter Hurt of Losing a Parent

In: Death of a Parent, Grief
Sad woman head in her hands sitting against a wall

To the young adults out there who have lost parents, this one is for you. You experienced a great loss and you’re still so young with so much life ahead of you. You often wonder how you can make it through the rest of your life without the parent who is no longer here. I see you struggling. On the outside, you hold it together. You keep a smile and hold your head up high; you want to take on the world and embrace life. You meet new people and want to tell them your story because maybe they understand....

Keep Reading

Mother’s Day Magnifies the Loss of My Own Mom, and It’s Still Hard

In: Death of a Parent, Grief, Motherhood
Mother's Day Magnifies the Loss of My Own Mom, and It's Still Hard www.herviewfromhome.com

“Your mother’s gone,” my dad said as he walked into our apartment. Those words still haunt me, even 19 years later. My mother’s death wasn’t a surprise—she had been battling lung cancer for sixteen months—I just wasn’t ready to hear it. The finality of it all. My mother was gone. Those few days, weeks and months remain somewhat of a blur. I was very angry and bitter. I had recently started dating a wonderful man (my now-husband, Brian) and our lives revolved around parties and other social events.  But I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to be happy. While out...

Keep Reading