Death of a Parent Faith Grief Infertility Journal

Finding my Church, Healing my Heart

Finding my Church, Healing my Heart www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Angela Fry

More than 15 years ago my mom passed away after a short battle with cancer. It wasn’t until then that I felt I needed God in my life. I had so many questions and I just knew somehow God would answer them for me. Although I was so angry with him for taking my mom away from me, I prayed and prayed and prayed to him. I never received the answers I was looking for and never felt the connection I was craving, so I gave up.

Flash forward 10 years and I again found myself crying and praying to God but for a different reason. My husband and I wanted a baby and nothing was happening. Now older and wiser, I prayed to a God I did not know, but knew would help me in any way he could. More than 2 years of heartache and tears and prayer after prayer after prayer passed. And then, just like that, those prayers were answered in a big way – triplets!

Again, it was after their premature birth and fighting for their lives that I knew I needed God in my life for good. I prayed hard that God would not take them from me, too. I prayed for the nurses and doctors taking care of them. I prayed they would come home happy and healthy. And they did.

I felt closer to God than ever before, but attending church regularly with the kids was just something my husband and I were not ready to do. If you can imagine, life with infant triplets was trying at times and getting out the door and getting anywhere on time was chaotic, to say the least.

But then, just like that, right before they turned 4-years-old, I knew in my heart it was time. My husband agreed. We talked about where we wanted to attend and the same church was at the top of both of our lists. So, on the 15th anniversary of my mom’s death we attended, what we hoped to be our forever church together – for the first time as a family.

I was terrified. I was worried the kids would cry when we left them in their classroom. I was worried we would sit somewhere that someone else sits every Sunday. I was worried we just wouldn’t fit in.

But, none of that happened. The only thing that happened that morning was we all grew a little closer to God and I had a very good cry session. That was February of this year and we haven’t looked back since.

My husband and I quickly decided we wanted to be involved and serve the church in any way we could. I’m not sure what his thoughts were, but I knew I wanted to work with the kids! That kind of sounds silly since I spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with triplets, but kids are my life now. When I became a mom I may have lost my mind, but I found a huge space in my heart for not only my kids, but ALL kids.

After the first time we volunteered I knew I chose wisely. My heart was so full I just burst into tears on our way home. I feel such peace and calm when we sit in during the Sunday sermon, but the way I feel after serving in the early childhood ministry is indescribable. And I thank God every day for allowing me to be a part of something so amazing.

I can’t even begin to explain how much we love our forever church. We have felt unbelievably welcome since day one. I cannot thank them enough for making us feel like nothing less than wanted. In the little time we have been attending my heart has never felt so at ease as it does when I am there each Sunday. This new beginning has been such a blessing to our family. God is now a part of our daily lives. He is always in our hearts and we are growing closer to him each day. 

My heart may never heal from losing my mom. I miss her every single day. But, I can tell you when I walk into that sanctuary each week, I feel her all around me. God knows my heart. He knows that it is aching and I put my trust in him to get me through another day without her.

About the author

Angela Fry

Angela is the mother of triplets Jase, Henley, and Sadie. She spends her days loving and sometimes loathing the experience of raising multiples. When she’s not chasing three preschoolers, you can find her sharing her heart on amazing sites like Her View From Home and drinking an entire pot of coffee before lunch.