Journal Kids Relationships

To The Teenager Who Is Thinking About Having Sex

To The Teenager Who Is Thinking About Having Sex www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Christine Carter

This is to any teen who is thinking about having sex.

If that’s you, this message is important and I hope you read it before you do.

There’s a lot going on around you, isn’t there?

You are in the pressure cooker of life and you may feel like you will drop into the abyss of isolation, rejection, or abandonment, if you don’t comply with so many expectations that are bombarding you.

I get it.

No, I really do.

I might be old, but I’ve worked with kids your age for generations, and I know what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling, what you’re trying to do to fit in, belong, feel loved and respected by those who mean the most to you right now in your life. I’ve also been you. Years ago, that is. But it’s all still the same.

Deep inside you, there is a desperate need to feel loved, accepted, and worthy of attention from those you want love, acceptance, and attention most in your life.

But before you do allthethings to get that, I want you to know something really important.

Listen up.

Having sex will not get you those things. It won’t.

There is a big chance you will end up regretting it.

Deeply.

Because the belief that having sex will get you love, acceptance, and attention-

Well, that is a falsehood.

A lie.

It’s one of the grandest lies there is in life.

The lie whispers under your breath saying, “Having sex with *insert name here* will make me seen, loved, and accepted.

But this deceit is downright dangerous and damaging.

NO amount of sex will give you the kind of love and attention and acceptance you are looking for.

I promise you that.

There are other ways you can feel loved, accepted, and get the attention you deserve.

Please don’t think sex is the answer, because it’s not.

And here’s the God’s honest truth:

You’re not ready for sex.

You might think you are, you might feel like you want to do it, you might even believe you are the ONLY one who hasn’t done it.

Because in your world, everyone is doing it, talking about it, flaunting it.

But they’re not ready either.

You will surely have desires, and that is normal! Your hormones are changing drastically and your body is, too. All kinds of new emotions are erupting and you may really want to act on them.

But your feelings don’t always dictate good choices.

It’s a hard lesson to learn at your age-

But making big decisions based on feelings is not wise.

ESPECIALLY when it comes to your body.

You will only have one body in your lifetime and every single act done with it will be forever marked, engraved, and embedded into who you are.

Pretty dramatic, eh?

It’s true. And my heart is crushed to think you don’t believe this. Please, please, please trust me.

Sex is a serious thing. ANY form of it. With anyone.

So please say no.

Other people you know might appear to be ready, be willing, and be doing allthethings, but that doesn’t mean you have to say yes to allthethings too.

You can say no.

You are ALLOWED to say no at any time, with anyone, for any reason.

Say it with me: “No.”

You could be stripped down to nothing but your bare bones with that *person* and still say “NO.”

You can make a plan, set a date, go to that place, and still say “NO.”

You could *allofasudden* have someone pushing you, trying to persuade you, wanting you, and you can still say “NO.”

You can agree to that thing with that person with whom you think you love and you think that person loves you, and when you are in the moment you might feel a twinge of discomfort, unsettling vulnerability, maybe crippling fear, and you need to LISTEN to those signs. They are YOUR INNER VOICE SPEAKING TO YOU.

Honor what it’s saying-

And say “NO.”

Tune in, speak up, be bold and courageous for the sake of YOU.

Changing your mind is not a form of weakness.

It takes strength, will, might.

And that is in YOU.

Tap into it and declare “NO.”

So if you are on the verge of having any sexual acts with anyone…

Trust me when I say this:

It’s a huge, huge, huge mistake.

Honor your body in this way, and you will forever be grateful you did.

It will be hard and scary and uncomfortable and you may risk losing friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, respect, popularity, and yeah, you may even set yourself up for some backlash if you don’t do allthethings. Some of your most trusted people– the ones you love and you think love you– might get irritated, angry, or disappointed. They might ridicule you, even reject you.

But those people?

They aren’t your people.

They don’t love you if they can’t respect you. Better to find that out now, than to discover it after you do allthethings and then realize it didn’t matter after all.

 

Sexual behavior can be dangerous, damaging, and detrimental to your health at your age. Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy are real. It only takes one time. Don’t gamble your life away on a feeling.

You won’t know the severity of this decision, until you realize what a valuable gift your body is and how critical it is to respect and protect it and treat it as such.

Any time you allow someone else to touch you, you give an intimate and deeply personal part of yourself away.

You may not understand this completely yet, but as you get older and you start stacking up the stops along your life path, you’ll start looking back and revisiting memories and significant markers on your timeline: The details of your history, the significance of each experience that makes you the person you have become…

And there is a huge chance you will regret those decisions you made in giving pieces of yourself away. You will realize how valuable you really are, and how fragile you really were. You’ll understand the depth of those decisions and take them with you into your marriage, your parenting, your identity. Each sexual encounter you have will be forever imprinted on your heart. And for what? With whom? I’ll bet that person won’t be as important to you down the road. That person might not even be in your life next year– even next month.

Years from now, what you do today will matter more to you than you know.

So please believe this truth:

You deserve the right to preserve what is yours– holy and whole. Yes, you are both. You haven’t grown up enough to know this profound truth yet, so please trust me on this.

You are Holy and Whole.

Honor that, believe that, and preserve and protect that which is yours. There will come a day when you will be able to comprehend the sacred act of sex and learn the profound significance of it- but until then…

Say “No.”

You’ll never regret that choice.

Promise.

About the author

Christine Carter

Chris Carter is a SAHM of two pretty amazing kids. She has been writing at http://themomcafe.com/ for six years, where she hopes to encourage mothers everywhere through her humor, inspiration and faith. You can also find her work on For Every Mom, Blunt Moms, Sammiches and Psych Meds, Mamapedia, Her View From Home, Huffington Post, MomBabble, and Scary Mommy. She is the author of “Help and Hope While You’re Healing: A woman’s guide toward wellness while recovering from injury, surgery, or illness.”

8 Comments

  • **You are Holy and Whole.**
    I, for one, regret it. I can’t even remember his name. Such a shame that I gave a name-less boy part of my temple.
    Excellent post, dear. x

    • Girl, I am SO with you. Such a shame for me too. If I only knew…

      I hope hope hope and pray pray pray this gets out there!

  • What a wonderful post and message. Seriously going to pin this one and keep for when my girls are a bit older to read. Thank you my friend so much for putting the words down of what I would want to tell my own girls someday soon in the future on this.

    • I’m so glad you like this message and will share it with your girls when they get older, Janine! Thanks so much for reading it and pinning it! <3

  • Eeek – the topic a parent dreads. You said all the things beautifully my friend. This is what I would want to tell my girls. It’s amazing how those teenage perceptions are skewed – thinking sex equals acceptance and love. All false.

    Thanks so much for sharing.
    xoxo

  • This is such an incredibly important message, my friend. I’m definitely going to make my 15 year old son read it. It’s an unnerving thought-our kids having sex. The pressure is huge though and we as mommies know that. I love what you said about listening to their inner voice! With social media, the internet…, their sweet little inner voices get drowned out far too often. Thank you for your beautiful words and sound advice here, Chris. It’s a tough topic to tackle, but you have absolutely nailed it!