As time goes on, one of the hardest parts about you not being here is all of the things you have missed.

Things have changed so much and I’m different. I’ve grown a lot since you were here.

I’ve overcome a lot of challenges and started to find my way. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve had a lot of triumphs. All of the good and the bad have led me to this person.

This would have been such a great time for us. I know we would be such great friends, mom. I grow more and more into you every day. Everyone notices it. Hearing that I’m just like you is very bittersweet.

It’s great because you were the best person I’ve ever known. I am so proud of the fact that I am becoming more like you. But it’s also heartbreaking because you don’t get to know this part of me. It’s heartbreaking because I know there is so much that we are missing out on, together.

Sometimes it seems like forever that you’ve been gone.
Sometimes, it seems like the days we spent together were lifetimes away.

That’s the hardest part. The thought that I am growing into someone new. The fact that even though I am doing well and becoming who I was supposed to be, it isn’t the same person that I was when you were alive.

It makes the fact that you’re gone seem that much more permanent. It makes the fact that you’re gone so very real.

I can only hope you are still with me. I can only hope you are proud of this person I have become.

This post originally appeared on the author’s blog

Christie Lynn

I’m a 26 year old social worker and blogger using my words and experiences to help others though hardship, grief and mother loss.