Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

I sat on the hard concrete, Bible sitting closed in front of me. We had been instructed to go outside and find a place of solitude, to “listen to God’s voice” for an hour. So I sat. And listened. 

Nothing.

I hadn’t even wanted to come to this ladies retreat. Three days in a room full of women? Um, nope.

And on top of that, the night before my friend had backed out at the last second. So that morning I had walked up to the charter buses alone, jaw clenched tight, trying to hold back tears. A woman with a kind smile handed me my name tag and after a quick scan of the bus, I opted to just sit alone. Three hours to myself? Yes, please. 

“Why am I here?” I thought as I plopped my bag into the empty seat next to me, “God, why am I here?”

My husband and I had been back together for about six months, following a four-month-long separation. I felt like we were doing really well, all things considered. We’d gone to counseling separately and together, to conferences and marriage classes. We’d worked so hard. He had worked so damn hard to prove himself faithful and worthy of forgiveness. 

But I had recently found out I was pregnant with our second child, our first being only a year old. A fresh wave of fear and anxiety had accompanied those two pink lines.

So there I was, just … listening. The tears had been trickling steadily for about two hours, as soon as we’d started worshiping. But now, finally alone, I let the flood gates release months of pent up anger, fear, and “WHY God“s. 

My fingers protectively wrapped around my burgeoning belly. I held on as it vibrated with sobs.

What if taking him back was the wrong decision? God, JUST TELL ME I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. Tell me I’m not putting this little one in harm’s way. Tell me he won’t cheat again. Tell me he won’t hurt my children like he’s hurt me. I’ll have no one to blame but myself. Please, please God, just tell me it won’t happen again.

Nothing.

I hung my head between my knees and stilled my shaking body. My eyes opened slowly and stared down at the ground. There sat my Bible, still closed. Defeated, wondering if anyone was even listening, I grabbed it and haphazardly opened it. The pages immediately fell open to Hosea, Chapter 1. Right to it. I’d never read the book of Hosea in its entirety, but I knew the story. 

The story of Hosea and his wife Gomer.

His wife Gomer, the former prostitute.

The former prostitute, who left Hosea over and over again to go back to her old life.

The story of Hosea, who, over and over again, was told by God to go and buy back his wife Gomer and bring her back home, back to him. 

The story of Hosea and Gomer. The story of God’s redeeming love. The kind of otherworldly love that offers grace unconditionally, that changes hearts and heals diseases and brings those in the darkness back into the light. The kind of love that brings them back home and loves them. That loves them anyway.

So I read and wept and read some more.

Was this your plan, God? Did you handpick me to be his wife? Am I his Hosea? Is he my Gomer? 

I knew the answer. I didn’t understand why, I still don’t, but I knew the answer to my most burning question: Did I make the right choice? 

“The Lord said to me, ‘Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress.'” Hosea 3:1

In that moment, for the first time, I had peace.

I knew I was created to bear this burden, to walk this path, to forgive and to show a love that doesn’t make sense to the rest of the world. Because it’s a love that’s not of this world. I knew he’d walked with me, through the whole thing, and even before. I knew he’d placed within me a forgiving spirit and an understanding heart. I knew he’d placed within my husband a fierce determination and unrelenting discipline. He’d equipped us for this. Dare I say, even made us for this.

And I knew he heard me. THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE HEARD ME.

And he hears you.

He hears you. He is with you. He loves you. He will answer you. You need only be still.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too!   Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at https://herviewfromhome.com/contact-us/write-for-her//

Going to Church with Kids is Hard but We’ll Keep Showing Up

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding young daughter in church

Going to church is hard with young kids. It used to be something I looked forward to. It’s something I’ve always valued deeply and needed desperately. It’s the one place that will always be home regardless of what location or building it’s in or what people attend. Church is my sanctuary. But it’s become a battle with the kids’ resistance, my tired mind and body, and my lack of ability to actually listen to the sermon. Going to church is hard with young kids. It’s become normal for me to lie down in bed on Saturday night thinking, with dread,...

Keep Reading

I’m Praying for My Teenager in These Challenging Years

In: Faith, Motherhood, Teen
Teen boy holding a smartphone and wearing headphones

In my mid-40s, I began to long for a baby. We didn’t get much encouragement from friends and family. My husband is a high-functioning quadriplegic, and I was considered way too old to start a family. But our marriage was stable, we were used to obstacles, we were financially prepared, emotionally experienced, and our careers were established. I began to paint my own sublime mental portrait of parenting tranquility. What could go wrong? At 48, I delivered a healthy baby boy, and he was perfect. We adored him. The baby we had longed for and prayed for, we had. And...

Keep Reading

When Motherhood Feels Like a Limitation

In: Faith, Motherhood
Ruth Chou Simons holding book

Twenty-one years ago, my husband Troy and I welcomed our first son into the world. Two years later, I gave birth to another boy. And again two years later, and again two years after that. A fifth boy joined our family another two years later, and a final son was born 11 years after we began our parenting journey. If you were counting, you’re not mistaken—that’s six sons in just over a decade. We were overjoyed and more than a little exhausted. I remember feeling frustrated with the limitations of the little years with young children when I was a...

Keep Reading

The Day My Mother Died I Thought My Faith Did Too

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Holding older woman's hand

She left this world with an endless faith while mine became broken and shattered. She taught me to believe in God’s love and his faithfulness. But in losing her, I couldn’t feel it so I believed it to be nonexistent. I felt alone in ways like I’d never known before. I felt helpless and hopeless. I felt like He had abandoned my mother and betrayed me by taking her too soon. He didn’t feel near the brokenhearted. He felt invisible and unreal. The day my mother died I felt alone and faithless while still clinging to her belief of heaven....

Keep Reading

Jesus Meets Me in the Pew

In: Faith
Woman sitting in church pew

I entered the church sanctuary a woman with a hurting and heavy heart. Too many worries on my mind, some unkind words spoken at home, and not enough love wrapped around my shoulders were getting the best of me. What I longed to find was Jesus in a rocking chair, extending His arms to me, welcoming me into his lap, and inviting me to exhaust myself into Him. I sought out an empty pew where I could hide in anonymity, where I could read my bulletin if I didn’t feel like listening to the announcements, sing if I felt up...

Keep Reading

Can I Still Trust Jesus after Losing My Child?

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Sad woman with hands on face

Everyone knows there is a time to be born and a time to die. We expect both of those unavoidable events in our lives, but we don’t expect them to come just 1342 days apart. For my baby daughter, cancer decided that the number of her days would be so many fewer than the hopeful expectation my heart held as her mama. I had dreams that began the moment the two pink lines faintly appeared on the early morning pregnancy test. I had hopes that grew with every sneak peek provided during my many routine ultrasounds. I had formed a...

Keep Reading

5 Kids in the Bible Who Will Inspire Yours

In: Faith, Kids
Little girl reading from Bible

Gathering my kids for morning Bible study has become our family’s cornerstone, a time not just for spiritual growth but for real, hearty conversations about life, courage, and making a difference. It’s not perfect, but it’s ours. My oldest, who’s 11, is at that age where he’s just beginning to understand the weight of his actions and decisions. He’s eager, yet unsure, about his ability to influence his world. It’s a big deal for him, and frankly, for me too. I want him to know, deeply know, that his choices matter, that he can be a force for good, just...

Keep Reading

Mad Martha, Mary, Mom, and Me

In: Faith, Living
Woman wrapped in a blanket standing by water

As a brand-new, born-again, un-churched Christian fresh in my new faith with zero knowledge of the Bible, I am steaming, hissing mad when I first read these words from Luke 10:38-42: “Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell...

Keep Reading

I Can’t Pray away My Anxiety But I Can Trust God to Hold Me through It

In: Faith, Living
Woman with flowers in field

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t afraid. I was scared of people, of speaking, and even of being looked at. As I got older, I worried about everything. I was aware of the physical impact that stress and worry have on our bodies and our mental health, but I couldn’t break the cycle. I declined invitations and stuck with what I knew. Then we had a child who knew no fear. The person I needed to protect and nurture was vulnerable. There was danger in everything. It got worse. He grew older and more independent. He became a...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading