A few years ago, there was a meme going around that basically said, “I’m a mom who yells all the time, and that’s just the way I am, and how it’s going to be.” And friends, I can’t remember a meme that hit my heart so hard. It was almost painful to read it. Painful because it reminded me of my childhood.
I grew up in a home with a lot of yelling. A verbally abusive stepdad, a stressed-out mom, and kids who never quite learned how to control their anger. It was loud, and when I think about that part of my family, it makes me sad. So, I’ve worked really hard to overcome yelling and anger, and to create a more peaceful home for my children.
As moms, we mess up every single day. Both my children are still toddlers, but I cringe thinking about the moments I could have had more patience and understanding, or slowed down, or just given them a smidge more of my time.
I can’t change the past, but I can make sure I keep doing my best.
Because I know that even though my kids will forget so many of my mistakes (thank God for that), they will remember some. And I know they’ll remember some of those hurts because I do.
I remember the yelling. The tears. The slammed doors. The screaming matches with mom. I remember my mom telling me she hated me. I remember the fear I felt toward my stepdad before my mom courageously divorced him. I remember the ways in which we disrespected each other as a family. I remember so much. The words, the feelings, the pain.
Fellow moms, we must know that God gives us endless grace. That we are forgiven, that we are loved, and that we can overcome the mistakes we’ve made and will make.
When we are the worst versions of ourselves, God still loves us.
When someone asks about my childhood, the good stuff almost always comes to mind first. Trips to the movie theater, listening to the radio and singing oldies together, and going for long drives on the weekend to get us out of the house. We lived simply, had deep faith, and there was so much goodness in our lives. I am incredibly grateful for the upbringing I had, but that doesn’t make the pain any less real.
Although our kids are going to remember the sweet moments, they’re also going to remember some of the most difficult.
So, I believe we have to keep trying to do our best.
If you’re feeling weary, exhausted, and just plain done–well, I’ve been there, and I can’t blame you–but I will encourage you to keep trying. Maybe that means joining a moms group, or seeing a counselor, or building in more prayer time with God. I invite you not to give up or give in, but to know you and your family are worth the work of becoming better, more whole, and healthy.
Do you, momma, but also let yourself grow and develop and be transformed into an even more beautiful you.