I grew up with an angry mom. From screaming at me because I spilled some milk, spanking me because I talked back to her, and pulling my arm so hard I had marks for days after. From walking around the house in a rant, to spewing out negative comments to me and about me all day long.
She wasn’t abusive. She was just angry. Angry with her situation of having to move far away from family and friends, angry with kids who didn’t sleep and kids who didn’t obey, angry with loneliness, angry with motherhood. Angry with the way her life had become.
It hurt. It was hard. And because of it a lot of my childhood into the teenage years is stained with negativity, depression, low to zero self-esteem, and simply anger.
Now? I get it. I 100% get it. Because I have kids. Kids who don’t sleep, kids who don’t listen, kids who don’t obey. And because I feel lonely. Majority of my days. And because this motherhood thing? It is SO hard. It is SO hard to stay positive and joyful and soft hearted.
Once the anger starts, it is tough for it to stop. It is way easier to give in and it is way easier to let it fester and blow up. I have already seen that anger make its way to the surface in my own life and come out on my kids.
But I am not going to let it any longer. Because I lived that. I lived that anger from my own mother. I do not want my kids to live that. I do not want any kid to live that. No kid deserves that.
My mom was a good mom. She made all the healthy meals, took me to play practice, made me my favorite snacks, volunteered in my classroom, read me all the Bible stories, invited my friends over, and simply took care of me very well. I have great memories of us laughing together, of us having chats over hot chocolate, of us doing crafts together, of us reading together and more. She really, truly loved me. But she was angry and most of the time, she let that take over. I do not blame her. I forgive her. I still love her to the moon and back. But I do not want to be the same way.
Moms, it is so easy to let our anger take over. It is so easy to let our anger come out in ways we would have never expected it to. But moms, we need help. We cannot afford to hold in that anger, keeping it to ourselves, and eventually taking it out on our own families. We need to reach out to each other, to older moms, younger moms, and women who aren’t even moms. We must cry out for help. It is essential that we lean on each other, love each other, and help each other to see the beauty and joy amidst the very dark and hard moments.
Moms, don’t live in that anger. Don’t let your kids live in that anger. Your kid deserves the best version of yourself. However you can give that to them, you need to. If that means taking more breaks from them, if that means finding a job, if that means going to the spa regularly, if that means traveling far to see friends or family, if that means having time for yourself every single day, if that means ranting on the phone to another mom, if that means letting them watch more TV, if that means hiring a cleaner, if that means finding a hobby…whatever it means. You need to find a way to do that thing or all the things so that you can be the best, most positive, and most loving person in your child’s life.
I grew up with an angry mom. I refuse to let my children grow up with one too.