Bite my tongue for even saying it or thinking it, right? Let me just begin with the fact that I know how lucky and blessed I am to be a mom to not just one amazing human being, but to three. Three gorgeous, happy, and healthy kiddos. Not for one millisecond would I give up the life I have with my family. Not for one millisecond would I trade my life for a different one. Not for one millisecond would I want any type of life that did not have the four of them in it. BUT, for one millisecond, just for kicks, I will think about what it would be like if I wasn’t a mother, just for a day . . . 

Do you know what I would do?

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would sleep. Like really sleep, you know? Like that thing people do when both of their eyes are closed, and they go off to la-la land for an indeterminable amount of time. Yep, I would get some actual deep sleep.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would actually drink my coffee hot . . . and in one sitting . . . and without any spills . . . or interruptions . . . or necessary diaper changes . . . or the calling of my name for any gosh darn reason under the sun.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would probably (this is a total non-definite) leave the house looking more put-together, groomed, and attractive. How is this any different from now, you ask? Well, I would actually shower, shave my legs, blow-dry and style my hair, and try harder to not wear the same four outfits on repeat.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would be sure to find “me time”. I would aimlessly walk the mall without a child in my arms, and I would spend more money on clothes that I don’t really need.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would probably enjoy more alcoholic beverages, and I wouldn’t limit my wine consumption to only the weekends and post-bedtime.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would have more energy which of course is a byproduct of having less worry, less fear, less stress, and more sleep (see above).

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would have more time, love, and attention to give to my husband; and my goodness, does he deserve it.

Yet . . . 

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I know I would spend every millisecond of that day wishing that I was one. How do I know this? Because it’s true—being a mother is all I have ever wanted to be my whole life.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I know that the well-rested me would be thinking about how awfully wonderful it would feel to be exhausted by kids of my own.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, while having my hot coffee, I would ponder thoughts of what being a mother would be like, what my children would look like, and how I would parent them.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I wouldn’t look like me. Nope, not the real me, as I was meant to look—with a little baby weight left over, some stretch marks, droopy boobies, and tired eyes.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would be really lonely without my mini-best friends by my side.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for one day, I would lose myself in trying to fit in with the “cool people” of the world.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would have less worry, less fear, and less stress . . . and how boring would that be—to not have something so meaningful in your life that you can’t escape it.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would have more time, love, and attention to give to my husband—and I would probably end up smothering him, which would likely push him away.

Truth be told, I don’t want to think about it. Nope, not for one millisecond more. Because in all honesty, if I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I wouldn’t recognize myself in the mirror, and how incredibly sad it would be to have to live my life as a person I don’t know.

I want to be a mother, just for a day, and for each and every day that follows.

Originally published by Healthline

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Nicole Merritt

Nicole Merritt is a mother of three and the Owner and Founder of jthreeNMe, an imperfectly authentic peek at real-life marriage, parenting, and self-improvement. jthreeNMe is raw, honest, empowering, inspiring, and entertaining; it’s like chicken soup for those that are exhausted, over-stressed and under-inebriated, yet still utterly happy. Nicole's work has been featured by Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, BLUNTmoms, Thought Catalog, Everyday Family, Motherly & many others. You can follow Nicole at jthreeNMe and on FacebookPinterestInstagram & Twitter!

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