I’ll Hold You Instead

You fell asleep in my arms while I was on the phone with my mom, and I could have put you down and held the phone with my hand instead of my neck. But I didn’t. I kept holding you.

You’re exhausted from a fun, full day of visiting with friends and so am I . . . so you’re sleeping hard right now. I would too, if I put you down and crawled into bed, but I won’t. I’ll hold you instead.

I could put you down in your crib and you’re so tired I know you would stay settled, and I could get done one of the thousands of tasks I keep putting off. At the very least, I could pick up around the house, or cook dinner for your daddy, but you and I both already know I won’t. I’ll hold you instead. 

Your tiny little body is heavy on my chest and you are somehow giving off so much heat, but there is nothing better than holding you, sweet girl. 

No matter how many reasons I have to put you down, I will always choose to hold you. Because I know I won’t always have this option. Someday you won’t be small enough to fit on my chest (probably soon at the rate you’re growing). Some day I won’t be your only source of nourishment, and I won’t be the only thing you want or need. There will be hard seasons in the future, and in the middle of those storms I will look back on these days longingly.

I never want to look back and realize I could have held you more. 

So today, and for as long as you’ll let me, baby girl, I will choose to hold you while I still can. Messy house . . . uncooked dinner (sorry honey) . . . piles of laundry . . . a desperately needed shower. It can all wait. 

I’ll hold you instead.

Originally published on the author’s page

 

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