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Swimsuit season. It brings out all the emotions! I am all about Wearing the Damn Swimsuit. But swimsuit designers, can a Mama with real non-Baywatch boobs get some help? I seriously can’t be the only one that struggles to find a suit that contains the girls.

Wanted: A beautiful, reasonably priced swimsuit designed for a Mama whose girls have lost their buoyancy and happens to like more than long walks on the beach. I don’t need to be able to do high intensity cardio in my suit, but I would love a nice supportive companion who loves me back.

My girls have mass to them. They fed my child and now they’ve lost the ability to stay where they once loved to hang out… on my actual chest. See, there’s this thing called GRAVITY. It’s backed by real science and leaves my unsupported girls doing their best to do toe touches any time the bra comes off.

Seriously, when a bra comes off, it’s like I have unleashed two, not totally full, water balloons that hang from my chest. As you might imagine, that really stretchy swimsuit material doesn’t do a whole lot to stop them from doing whatever it is they want to do.

So when it comes to swimsuits, I’m found I am left a few options. I can…

1) Get a Tankini and the let girls rest on the top of my belly because we all know that is how far down they hang. And yes, there is a belly there because, well… Kids.

This seems like an alright option, everything is generally covered and hiding under some ruffles. The problem arises when as a mom you need to spring into action, or heaven forbid, you want to jump around in the pool with your kid. It’s somewhat difficult to let go and have fun when you are constantly arm seat belting your chest so you don’t knock yourself out!

2) Get a halter with straps you can tie. Because we all know the predetermined straps with a clip won’t be nearly tight enough.

With this option, the girls seem to be right where I want them to be. I feel pretty safe and have confidence they will stay put given any sudden movement. However, have you ever tried to sit comfortably in a pool chair with a boulder in the middle of your back? Seriously, a double knotted thick strap swimsuit creates a pretty large rock for you to try to lay on.

And then, let’s talk about our neck for a moment. Necks can be quite strong. I mean, have you seen the women who carry buckets on their head? It comes back to the whole backed by real science gravity thing. I don’t think we were meant to carry weight around our necks like a halter top creates.

3) Get a one piece. All I have to say about that is how the heck are you realistically supposed to get that off to go to the bathroom with your kids in the stall? That makes taking off a wet sports bra look like a piece of cake.

With these options, I know I will end up only having one suit. Because I will, of course, be paying for all of the material that I actually need to cover the girls. And that can get quite expensive. Okay. If I am being honest, the prices are more than quite expensive. They’re quite ridiculous!

As far as having any choice in selection, I have learned to go early in the season and have patience. If you are in the same big-boobed boat I am, you will most likely walk past racks and racks of swimsuits for girls sporting apricots on their chests before you finally find the (maybe) one rack that holds the suits for those of us carrying the cantaloupe and watermelon sized goods.

A similar plea could be made for bra designers. I mean, I’m a real woman who happens to be a little chestier than most. And I just want to feel just as sexy as the girl with the apricot sized boobs. Why does she get to cover hers with any color option, fun or sexy pattern that she wants when my cantaloupes are only worthy of white, black or beige?

Please, swimsuit and bra designers… Help a girl out!

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Sheila Hansen

Hey, I'm Sheila. After ups, downs, soul searching, and life happenings, I have decided that when it comes down to it you should love your life. Do what makes you happy, laugh often, and get in a good sweat session daily. I am a wife, boy mom of a toddler, CPA, online fitness coach and PiYo Instructor. I have lived in Nebraska my whole life, growing up in Omaha and now living on an acreage outside of the city. My passion is passing along what I have learned to others...helping them Love, Laugh and Sweat! Follow me at https://lovelaughandsweat.com/

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