So God Made a Mother is Here! 🎉

My dearest daughter, 

Right now, I can dress you however I want. I can put you in adorable little dresses with cute little bun huggers that show off your chunky baby thighs. You don’t even have to wear pants and it’s cute! But a day is coming when showing that much leg is no longer cute.

I’m writing you this letter now so that when that day comes, you’ll know that I’ve thought this through. I might be making up a lot of parenting as I go, but not this.

What I have to say may not be popular. But my motivation for a dress code comes purely from my love for you and a deep desire to protect you. I want you to know that I’m going to stand my ground on this. I’ve seen enough of life to know a little more than you at this point. Plus, the basis of this code comes from God’s Word which never changes and never steers us wrong. 

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14) Your body is beautiful. You were made by God Himself. Every single part of your body was designed by Him. You do not need to be ashamed of your body. I’ve been called a “body shaming misogynist” because of my stance on modesty. But nothing could be further from the truth. I don’t want you to hide your body because it’s bad; I want you to respect your body because it’s good.

“How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights.” (Song of Solomon 7:6) There are certain parts of your body that were designed by God to be attractive to men and used during sex. Again, you don’t have to be ashamed of this because God created your body and God created sex. He said that all He created was good. 

“Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure.” (Hebrews 13:4) God designed sex to be within the covenant of marriage. He gave us a good gift that we were meant to share with only our husbands. So, those attractive body parts we were talking about should be kept for your husband only, too.

“But I tell you that anyone who looks lustfully at a woman has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28) This verse right here states very clearly that men are held accountable for their responses to women. No man ever has a right to take advantage of a woman, no matter how she is dressed. Still, it isn’t fair to intentionally dress to tempt or tease a man. Dressing modestly is a courtesy to your brothers in Christ. Help a brother out. Also, remember that your appearance sends messages whether you want it to or not. If you are choosing to have private body parts peaking out or openly visible, just know that it will attract attention. Most likely the unwelcome kind. Bottom line: don’t bare it or share it with those who only want to use you and abuse you.

“Your adornment must not be merely external-braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” (1 Peter 3: 3-4) There is nothing wrong with wanting to wear cute clothes! You can wear make-up (in junior high or high school). You can enjoy fixing your hair. You can paint your nails and pierce your ears. But that shouldn’t be the source of your beauty. Your true beauty comes from inside. It comes from God. Think about it. What do you want a man to notice you for? Your legs in a dress that way too short? Your breasts in a plunging neckline? Overdone make-up? Or for your beautiful spirit? Your heart? Your laugh? Your brains? Your God-given talents? You are more than just a body! Dress like you understand that. 

So what can you wear? I don’t want to be legalistic about this so I’m offering general guidelines that an old friend referred to as “covering up the 3 Cs”. Follow these and you should be OK. Your dad and I reserve the right to veto outfits on a case by case basis. 

Do a “bend over test” to ensure the prevention of a wardrobe malfunction. Avoid low-cut tops. Wear a cami underneath to cover the girls. 

Just say no to it. Wear a belt, a higher rise pant, or wear a longer tank underneath. Showing your butt crack isn’t even sexy. It’s just gross. Don’t do it. 

Make sure your pants aren’t too tight through the crotch and that your shorts/skirts/dresses aren’t too short. I realize that calling something “too short” can be arbitrary. In general, if you have your arms hanging by your sides and the fabric hangs longer than your fingertips, you are good.

A few additional considerations. Are you comfortable wearing it? Is it appropriate for the activity or event? Know where you’re going, what you’ll be doing and dress the part. Remember that your clothing communicates. Ask yourself what message your clothes are sending. If you don’t know, ask me. 

My dear, a lot of people have strict rules about all this. But at the end of the day, this isn’t about rules. It’s about respect. You deserve respect, so dress like it.

You are beautiful and I love you. 

You may also like: 

Dear Daughter, Modesty is About Strength, Not Shame

Why I Stopped Criticizing My Body in Front of My Daughter

Dear Teenage Daughter, I Remember What it Was Like to Be You

Want more stories of love, family, and faith from the heart of every home, delivered straight to you? Sign up here!

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Shannon Lenz

I am a wife to my best friend, a mama to a sweet boy and baby girl, and a dog mom. My mission is to write words that encourage, comfort, inspire, and draw my readers closer to the Lord. When I'm not writing or chasing after my kids, I'm singing, reading, or cheering on the Huskers. You can read more from me at

I Became a Widow at 37; God’s Grace Sustained My Young Family

In: Faith, Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Mom and young daughter at sunset

After my husband soared to Heaven eight years ago, my three daughters and I found ourselves on an intense grief journey. I never imagined being a widow at age 37 when my girls were just 2, 5, and 8 years old. Despite the heaviness of grief, I knew God was near. And I longed for my daughters to experience His comforting presence too. That’s how we started chasing God’s glory together. We started with a nightly rhythm of watching the sunset together. We would step out onto our back patio or pull over on the side of the road and pause...

Keep Reading

The Grace and Grief of Being a Medical Mama

In: Faith, Motherhood
Hospital bed and IV stand, black-and-white photo

Medical mama—this title and this view hit me. It hits me at different times and in different ways, but it hits me, hard.  Some days, I crumble with thankfulness that God has such a specific plan for my sweet, golden, middle daughter, that He would make ways where it feels there is no way.  There are other times when it hits me with anger and bitterness because I can’t figure out why, in a world full of medical interventions, this is our “fix.”  It hits me.  In the wee hours of another night in the hospital, it hits me that grace...

Keep Reading

I Buried My Heart with My Baby but God Brought Me Back to Life

In: Faith, Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Woman in a sweater standing outside looking at sunset

Recently, my world felt as if it were crashing around me. I was so angry I think my rage could have burned a small village. Unfortunately, that rage was directed at God though I knew that wasn’t what I needed to be directing toward Him. He owed me nothing then, and He owes me nothing now; however, my heart was shattered, and for a while, it seemed as if my faith was crumbling with it. I stopped going to church. I stopped praying. I stopped all positive feelings and allowed myself to succumb to the pain and the anger. When...

Keep Reading

Dear New Mom, God Is Only a Whisper Away

In: Baby, Faith, Motherhood
New mother holding baby on couch, eyes closed

While we were waiting to adopt, I would wake up in the middle of the night panicky. My mind would wander to the thought of suddenly having a baby. With groggy eyes and a cobwebbed mind, I would ask myself, “Could I get up right now to go soothe a crying baby?” And then the insecurities would flood me as I thought through the difficulty of dragging myself out of bed to give milk to a fussy newborn. I didn’t know if I could.  With each application sent to agencies and social workers, the possibility of adopting a baby became more...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter, You Gave Me Purpose

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding baby, color photo

Dear daughter, Before God knit you in my womb, I was wandering around aimlessly, searching for a purpose. I had changed my mind several times about what I wanted to do with my life. I felt so much pressure to figure out what I truly wanted. I rushed into career ideas, only to realize I wanted absolutely nothing to do with any of them. I started grad school, only to quit in three weeks. I was crushed and defeated. I begged God to show me His plan, to give me a purpose. I begged Him to give me something I...

Keep Reading

God Holds Her Every Step of the Way

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding infant baby's feet, color photo

We were told she wouldn’t make it to 20 weeks. When she made it, we were told she wouldn’t survive to full-term. When she survived to full-term, we were told she wouldn’t grow properly. When she grew, she thrived. When she thrived, she confused the doctors. RELATED: Keep Fighting, Little Miracle When the doctors tried to find the science to explain away her defeating all the odds, I had the answers. God. Prayers. Miracles. At 10 weeks when I found out about her condition, I prayed. I gathered my prayer warriors, and we prayed. Ultrasound after ultrasound, the technician was...

Keep Reading

Your Marriage Can’t Sit in a Laundry Basket without Getting a Few Wrinkles

In: Faith, Marriage
Couple doing laundry in front of washing machine

Bring on the bottled scent of fresh mountain breeze and seaside lavender. I’ll happily perform the swivel dance of transferring clothes from washer to dryer. I’ll hang those darlings with delicate personalities to gently air dry. I don’t mind the doing part. I’ll do laundry ’til the cows come home. It’s the folding part that I tend to put off. The cows have come home and gone to pasture several times, and that basket of clothes is most likely still sitting there developing more wrinkles than a baby bulldog.  And don’t even get me started on ironing. Let’s just say...

Keep Reading

Overwhelmed Mama, Take a Moment to Sit at the Feet of Jesus

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman sitting in hallway, black and white image

Mama friend, I know you’re exhausted. It feels like you have nothing left to give. You know you need to take a moment for yourself, but you don’t know how. I know it all feels endless—like it will never be any different. I know you long for a week, a day, or an hour to yourself but take this moment. Put the baby in the playpen. Tell the kids to play in their room. Sit down somewhere away from the dirty dishes in the sink and the pile of laundry that has been waiting to be folded for days. Step...

Keep Reading

The Ring Came from a Stranger from Heaven

In: Faith, Living
Large ring on woman's hand, color photo

This ring is not much to look at now—a well-worn piece of turquoise costume jewelry, its cheap metal revealing its quality and insignificant cost. But the value of this ring, “The Ring,” rivals that of my diamond and gold wedding band. It is priceless. For me, it is tangible proof of how an unseen God orchestrates events, circumstances, and people to remind me that miracles do happen and that He hears me—especially when I hurt. I happened upon this precious keepsake at a time in my life when things seemed to be falling apart and when I was feeling very sorry...

Keep Reading

A Mother’s Day Kintsugi Birdhouse: Beauty from Brokenness

In: Faith, Motherhood
Broken birdhouse lying beneath tree, color photo

Seated at the sunroom breakfast table, mouth full of Special K, I glance out the row of windows. A flutter of gray-blue against white paint catches my eye. I quickly swallow. “Y’all, a bird just went inside the bluebird house!” We all stand in a row, mimicking the windows. Yes, my sleepy morning eyes did not deceive me. Tail feathers were protruding from the circular opening. At last, a bird had found its way to this little white house with a tin roof nailed to a lone holly tree in the middle of our backyard. This was not the original...

Keep Reading