They said I wouldn’t understand it until I had you. They said I couldn’t comprehend how much I would love you until you came.

They were right.

I had no idea how much I could love you, sweet child.

I’ll never forget the day the nurses laid you on my chest. You were screaming, until I started talking to you, then you calmed down and looked up at me. Like you already knew me.

That was a big “love moment” for you and me. It’s when we first met.

But the moments we’ve had since then, even the mundane ones, mean just as much to me.

The moments of you looking into my eyes and smiling.

The moments of you grabbing my hand to play.

The moments of you hugging my neck, with your sweet hands touching my back.

The moments of us giggling together.

The moments of make-believe and hide and seek.

The moments of you calling for me, wanting me to comfort you.

The moments where I’m staring at you with tears in my eyes because I can see you getting older and bigger right in front of me. My little baby is gone and a young boy has emerged.

The moments where I wonder where time has gone and a knot twists deep in my belly.

They are the most beautiful moments, the ones I simply cannot get enough of. The ones I know I will look back on and want to relive.

It’s so, so bittersweet to watch you grow.

I feel like my heart is constantly breaking into a million pieces. Then it puts itself back together, only it’s grown into a bigger heart that can hold even more love.

Then it breaks all over again.

It’s does this over and over. Breaking and growing bigger, every day of your life.

Raising you has been the greatest joy I’ve experienced and I will never understand how I got to have you. Perfect, crazy you.

They said it would go by fast.

And they were right.

I want you to know, that they were also right about something else they said . . . 

Something that blows my mind because it doesn’t seem possible . . . 

I really do love you more every single day.

This post originally appeared on The Unraveling

 

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Kelli Bachara

Kelli is a mental health therapist, momma to two (one currently cooking in the womb), and wife to an amazing man with a cool name, Rocco. Kelli loves 90s pop rock, Hallmark Christmas movies, her dog Winnie, and Jesus (in reverse order).