My youngest son turned two a few months ago and still has a binky. He actually calls it his “mimi,” and he loves it so much. This morning I  looked at him with a mimi in his mouth and a mimi in his hand before I walked him into daycare and realized something.

I am not ready to let go of the baby stage. 

Getting rid of the binky would be the last step of the baby stage. He is already in a big boy bed. He doesn’t want to sit in a high chair for meals. He tries to run with the big kids all the time. But he still loves that binky. And I have no desire to get rid of it. 

He is my last baby, and I know after we get rid of that binky, we will no longer have babies.

I am not ready.

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When I was pregnant with him, my husband and I frequently discussed the possibility of a third child. But at 20-weeks, they told me my pregnancy was high risk just like my first pregnancy. We decided I would have a tubal ligation at his birth.

The night before Ford was born, Chris asked me if we were making the right decision. He asked me as I was giving myself an insulin shot, and I told him I had never been so confident about something in my life. We felt like two kids were enough chaos and this was made even more evident when I was later diagnosed with cancer. 

But I never realized how hard it would be to let go of the baby stage.

The baby snuggles.

The baby smiles.

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When he talks in his cute baby voice.

All of the firsts we experience with him. 

It is so hard to let go of this stage. 

Even though I am not ready to give up the baby stage (or the binky) today, I am so thankful for all of the moments to come. 

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Ashley Mays

Ashley Mays lives in Kansas City, MO with her husband and two sons. When her youngest son was only nine weeks old she found out she had breast cancer. She is currently completing treatment while balancing wife and mom life. She blogs about her experience with cancer and parenting at You can also find her on Facebook at Babies and Breast Cancer or instagram at @babiesandbreastcancer. 

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