My youngest son turned two a few months ago and still has a binky. He actually calls it his “mimi,” and he loves it so much. This morning I  looked at him with a mimi in his mouth and a mimi in his hand before I walked him into daycare and realized something.

I am not ready to let go of the baby stage. 

Getting rid of the binky would be the last step of the baby stage. He is already in a big boy bed. He doesn’t want to sit in a high chair for meals. He tries to run with the big kids all the time. But he still loves that binky. And I have no desire to get rid of it. 

He is my last baby, and I know after we get rid of that binky, we will no longer have babies.

I am not ready.

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When I was pregnant with him, my husband and I frequently discussed the possibility of a third child. But at 20-weeks, they told me my pregnancy was high risk just like my first pregnancy. We decided I would have a tubal ligation at his birth.

The night before Ford was born, Chris asked me if we were making the right decision. He asked me as I was giving myself an insulin shot, and I told him I had never been so confident about something in my life. We felt like two kids were enough chaos and this was made even more evident when I was later diagnosed with cancer. 

But I never realized how hard it would be to let go of the baby stage.

The baby snuggles.

The baby smiles.

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When he talks in his cute baby voice.

All of the firsts we experience with him. 

It is so hard to let go of this stage. 

Even though I am not ready to give up the baby stage (or the binky) today, I am so thankful for all of the moments to come.