I can remember coming home on that cold, rainy evening in late December. Our twins had all their little fingers and all their little toes. At a little over 6 pounds each, they were happy, healthy babies. The pregnancy had been unplanned but no less of a blessing. A double blessing really. I knew being a mama would be hard, but even doubling my expectations couldn’t prepare me for the struggle I would have with two newborn little girls.
As the long days and weeks went by, my mama heart started losing its strength. Little by little I felt like I was losing the will to keep going. I felt alone—drowning in the diapers, the bottles, the constant cries of two precious, incredibly perfect little baby girls. I felt smothered by the piles and piles of laundry and the constant responsibility.
Their daddy was working hard, spending long hours at work to keep the bills paid. Being at home day in and day out, I slowly sank into the trap of feeling like I was alone. I felt completely alone. Secluded from anyone and everyone who could help me. I struggled with asking for help, so I just didn’t. I did it all, everything I could do, and a little more. I relied on my own strength to get me through until I just couldn’t anymore.
Sitting on the couch one morning, eyes puffy and red from no sleep, I can remember hearing both of my sweet girls crying, thinking how am I going to keep doing this? How can I keep going like this? I knew I couldn’t. I had nothing left. I had emptied my cup completely. As I sat there staring at nothing, I noticed a little white feather float down beside me. For whatever reason, I knew it was a message for me. Telling me that I wasn’t alone. Why I noticed that feather or where it came from I couldn’t say. I have no idea.
So I decided to open my Bible along with a devotional my husband had given me, study and pray. Every verse I read seemed to speak directly to me. It’s like someone knew exactly how I was feeling. Like someone had seen into my heart and knew what I needed to see and hear to keep me going. My heart felt encouraged, I felt hopeful again. I remembered how loved I was and where my strength came from.
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).
Being a mama is the hardest thing I have ever done, and at times, it has been the loneliest. I know I can’t do it all on my own, but I also know I don’t have to. No matter how alone I felt, Jesus was with me all along and He always will be.
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness” (Isaiah 41:10).
Every single day I pray, open my Bible, study His Word, and praise Him. I know I can always trust in Him to give me the strength I need to get me through these long days of motherhood. I am so thankful for all He has blessed me with and that I never for one second have to be alone. I still have no idea where that white feather came from, but I hope as you read this it can be your little white feather to remind you that you are loved and you are never alone.