I can remember coming home on that cold, rainy evening in late December. Our twins had all their little fingers and all their little toes. At a little over 6 pounds each, they were happy, healthy babies. The pregnancy had been unplanned but no less of a blessing. A double blessing really. I knew being a mama would be hard, but even doubling my expectations couldn’t prepare me for the struggle I would have with two newborn little girls. 

As the long days and weeks went by, my mama heart started losing its strength. Little by little I felt like I was losing the will to keep going. I felt alone—drowning in the diapers, the bottles, the constant cries of two precious, incredibly perfect little baby girls. I felt smothered by the piles and piles of laundry and the constant responsibility.

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Their daddy was working hard, spending long hours at work to keep the bills paid. Being at home day in and day out, I slowly sank into the trap of feeling like I was alone. I felt completely alone. Secluded from anyone and everyone who could help me. I struggled with asking for help, so I just didn’t. I did it all, everything I could do, and a little more. I relied on my own strength to get me through until I just couldn’t anymore.

Sitting on the couch one morning, eyes puffy and red from no sleep, I can remember hearing both of my sweet girls crying, thinking how am I going to keep doing this? How can I keep going like this? I knew I couldn’t. I had nothing left. I had emptied my cup completely. As I sat there staring at nothing, I noticed a little white feather float down beside me. For whatever reason, I knew it was a message for me. Telling me that I wasn’t alone. Why I noticed that feather or where it came from I couldn’t say. I have no idea. 

So I decided to open my Bible along with a devotional my husband had given me, study and pray. Every verse I read seemed to speak directly to me. It’s like someone knew exactly how I was feeling. Like someone had seen into my heart and knew what I needed to see and hear to keep me going. My heart felt encouraged, I felt hopeful again. I remembered how loved I was and where my strength came from. 

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).

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Being a mama is the hardest thing I have ever done, and at times, it has been the loneliest. I know I can’t do it all on my own, but I also know I don’t have to. No matter how alone I felt, Jesus was with me all along and He always will be. 

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness” (Isaiah 41:10).

Every single day I pray, open my Bible, study His Word, and praise Him. I know I can always trust in Him to give me the strength I need to get me through these long days of motherhood. I am so thankful for all He has blessed me with and that I never for one second have to be alone. I still have no idea where that white feather came from, but I hope as you read this it can be your little white feather to remind you that you are loved and you are never alone.