Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

Tonight we are having cereal for dinner.

In my defense, my husband started it.

He asked me what we were having.

Aaaand that was it.

That was all it took to break me.

That was all it took for me to lose my ish.

RELATED: Dear God, I’m Just So Tired

Because after another day of grappling with big, overwhelming, scary decisions, all it took for me to collapse into an anxiety-ridden puddle of emotions was a small one.

What are we having for dinner?

I do not know, my darling beloved.

I do not know anything anymore.

I do not have enough energy to care, and yet I care deeply, but really why bother caring at all because WHAT DOES IT MATTER ANYWAY?

I am so fed up with making decisions. I am so sick of weighing pros and cons. I am so worn out from deciphering all the information being thrown at me, and so overwhelmed by making choices without adequate information.

RELATED: This is the New Mental Load of Motherhood

We’ve known about this mental load that mothers carry for awhile now—that’s nothing new. We’ve lugged this weight around for eons. Even with helpful partners and strong support systems, too often it falls on moms to keep things running smoothly.

But one thing we didn’t bargain on was a global pandemic.

One thing we didn’t bargain on was being forced to choose between our jobs and our kids.

One thing we didn’t bargain on was being forced to choose between their safety and their education.

RELATED: School Looks Iffy in the Fall and I’m Already Grieving

One thing we didn’t bargain on was being forced to choose between our sanity and their safety.

And so now we are flippin’ over it.

We are over weighing these lose/lose decisions where no one can win.

We are over imagining worst-case scenarios and how we will plan for them.

We are over trying to do risk assessments without all the facts.

We are over trying to anticipate a very uncertain and very unpredictable future.

And by the end of the day, our brains are so fried and our patience so zapped that we literally do not have it in us to make even

one

more

teeny

tiny

eensy

weensy

decision.

We are all suffering from decision fatigue, and it is a very real affliction. I’m honestly not sure if I’m going to make it.

RELATED: In Times Like These, It’s OK To Cry

So, in case you were wondering . . .

That’s why we are having cereal for dinner tonight.

Originally published on Shower Arguments

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Emily Solberg

Emily Solberg is a soldier, military spouse, mom of two, and fierce advocate of women supporting women. The goal of her writing is to help others feel less alone in their parenting journeys, and she isn’t afraid to share the hard parts of her own. You can find more from her over on Facebook and Instagram at Shower Arguments with Emily Solberg.

As a Mom with ADHD, I’ve Learned to Be Kinder to Myself

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother and toddler next to elaborate birthday cake, color photo

At 2 a.m., I put the finishing touches on the three-tiered birthday cake. It was perfect. My 2-year-old would certainly know how much I loved her when she saw this cake, I smiled. This, of course, was a lie. Although I had convinced myself it was for her benefit, my 2-year-old didn’t measure my love in cake tiers. Thirteen years in, I know the truth. I now understand why one cake took two weeks to plan, one week to prep, and all night to create. This is where ADHD thrived—the 2 a.m. slot where the discontent met the creatives, and...

Keep Reading

Friendship in Motherhood is Beautifully Unique

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Three mothers sitting on lawn watching kids on trampoline, color photo

Friendships in motherhood hold a unique and treasured place, distinctly different from any we’ve experienced before. The ones we meet in the trenches of parenting, as we nurture our kids and rediscover ourselves after becoming mothers—these are the relationships forged amidst the chaos of early morning T-ball practices, the joy of trampoline birthday parties, and the occasional playground meltdown. Motherhood friendships have a distinct depth that sets them apart from the rest. Of course, the friends from our youth are treasures—steadfast companions through the awkwardness of adolescence, through every scraped knee and heartache. Then there are the friends of our...

Keep Reading

Dear Graduate, I Love You Forever

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood
Kindergarten grad

I never imagined these days of preparing for graduation, senior prom, senior photos, and you actually moving out would come. A few weeks into your life, friends gifted you a 6-month sleeper. I remember the cuddly white footie pajamas well. But I swore you’d never get big enough to wear it. How could this 8-pound human grow to fit into 6-month clothes? Impossible. And then somehow they did fit, and then they didn’t anymore. Just like that. Everyone says the days are long but the years are short. Everyone, that is, who has had a lot of years. When I...

Keep Reading

Always Choose Adventure

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood
Two children looking at aquarium exhibit, color photo

Here’s the thing about traveling with little kids. Is it hard? Sometimes. Sometimes it looks like a whole carry-on dedicated solely to snacks, activities, and emergency treats. Sometimes it looks like buying a drink for the passenger next to you as a way of saying sorry and thank you all at the same time for the airplane kid chaos they endured. Sometimes it looks like altering your picture-perfect itinerary that you meticulously planned on account of missed naps finally catching up. Sometimes it looks like washing a car seat off in a hotel shower because your toddler got carsick, then...

Keep Reading

There’s No One Who Gets It Like a Mom Friend

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Mom friends in the park with strollers

I made my first mom friend at six weeks postpartum. I was pushing our son in his brand-new stroller not yet stained by sunscreen or covered in cracker crumbs. My husband spotted her first, gesturing to a woman who looked my age pushing a similarly unblemished stroller with the same bleary-eyed look. “Go talk to her,” he encouraged, sensing what I was too tired to realize at the time, which was how badly I needed a friend who understood what I was going through. We hit it off immediately and discovered we lived just seven doors away from each other....

Keep Reading

These Family Recipes Feed My Soul

In: Living, Motherhood
Old, messy, recipe book, color photo

There’s a recipe in my cookbook so caked with flour and cinnamon that my mother’s handwriting struggles to be seen. It’s for sweet roll dough, a recipe both my maternal and paternal grandmothers used and passed down. There’s just a difference in how many eggs and flour you choose to use. From this dough, meals that memories are made of take the shape of pizza, cinnamon rolls, Runzas (for us Midwesterners), or simple dinner rolls. For our family, it’s a Sunday night tradition of homemade pizza and a movie and Monday morning cinnamon rolls to start the week. Not much...

Keep Reading

She’s the Friend I Hope You Have

In: Friendship, Living
Two women smiling, selfie

Good friends are hard to come by. Life is busy and friendships take a backseat. I’ve never had a large circle of friends, there have always just been a few I’ve kept close. But the ones who stick around, the ones who stay with me when the waves of life are high and when the waves of life are pummeling me, those are the ones to treasure. You don’t talk every day. You don’t see one another every week. But she’s your go-to no matter what because . . . She’s the walk through the grocery store or an early...

Keep Reading

I Miss Being Able to Do It All

In: Living, Motherhood
Stressed mom sitting at table with two sons

I miss being wildly capable. It’s a character trait I never realized I would miss because I took it for granted. I never thought it would be something that wasn’t part of me. And if my therapist was reading this, he would pointedly remind me I am still wildly capable, I just have a lot more on my plate than ever before. But honestly, that feels like a cop-out. When I first started therapy, the goal was to convince myself I wasn’t Supermom. My therapist worked with me to see I didn’t need to hold it together everywhere all the...

Keep Reading

My Mom is a Hugger

In: Living
Older woman hugs grown man

My mother absolutely loves hugs. Not a normal, healthy amount of love for hugs. No, she’s crazy for human contact in the form of hugging. She hugs people when she’s happy, she hugs them when she’s sad, she especially likes to hug when people are angry with her. As if the full-body squeezing experience is going to automatically turn my mood in a different direction. But I must admit, sometimes it does work. Her hugs are rather explosively addicting. She doesn’t just hug you on the outside, she power grips your heart like a vice, turning you into a puddle...

Keep Reading

When It Looks Like I’m Doing Nothing, Really I’m Doing Everything

In: Living, Motherhood
Mom sitting with child on lap, color photo

My dear family. I love you. With my entire being. Today though, I’m crabby. I understand that a mother’s work sometimes looks different . . . hidden. Maybe it’s because after decades of motherhood and balancing all the things, mothers have become quite adept at “doing it all” or “making it look so easy.” I’m lucky, you all (especially you, husband) tell me how appreciative you are for my efforts. And I appreciate that. But here’s the thing—I need you all to pay close attention here—when it looks as though I’m doing nothing, I’m actually doing a lot. Case in...

Keep Reading