So God Made a Mother is Here! 🎉

“I’m so glad I married you.” This is what I made a point to tell my husband, my best friend, every day after we got married in the fall some years ago. Saying this affirmation daily was easy for a while. Sure, we worked full-time and I was in graduate school, but we consistently made time for each other.

He would smile every time. “I’m so glad you married me, too, baby. I’m the luckiest.” Simple, honest statements.  

However, simple things tend to become complicated when compounded by time. Now, I don’t say it daily. My time, brain, and body are often occupied by an even bigger love. 

RELATED: Dear Husband, I Loved You First

In November of 2018, our son Rowan was born. I remember holding our little peanut on my chest for the first time. He’s so beautiful and perfect, I thought. I hadn’t even seen his face yet. He was a meconium baby, so they whisked him away to get him cleaned and bundled immediately. Approximately four minutes later, he was in my arms with a little striped hat on his cone-shaped head. 

I looked at the top of his small head and I loved him and knew he was beautiful and perfect. My husband had tears in his eyes as he told me that I was amazing, that he loved me so much and was so proud.

In that moment, I was so glad I married him, and that he was my co-parent. 

Rowan is easygoing, happy, and likes to play independently for periods of time. I think we have it relatively easy as parents. Still, it’s inherently difficult to meet the physical, mental, emotional, and social needs of a little human. Rowan consumes most of our time and energy.  

It’s more challenging now, to cherish my best friend like I used to. Now, when he asks how much I love him I say, more than anything. Except Rowan. His answer is the same. We smile, knowing the love for your child is like nothing else.

RELATED: Dear Husband, Fall Back in Love With Me

“Love” barely encompasses that feeling. It’s a primal need in every atom in your body, to care and provide for your child. When I hold Rowan, the planets align, and everything is right. As a parent, I would do anything to provide and give him the best life possible. It’s my most important job to prepare him for adulthood, which will legally arrive for Rowan in 17 years. In a couple of decades, our children will be adults, and then, it will be my husband and me again. What will our relationship look like at that point?

My dad said when he was in college, he thought his parents would divorce once his younger sister graduated. However, they were happier together once all four children had left the nest. They were married 60 years before my grandmother died.

One of my childhood friend’s parents divorced when she was in college. Apparently, they didn’t have much to do with each other once their kids left home. They dedicated everything to their children, and neglected their marriage. 

I keep this in mind. You can grow together, or grow apart.

Since Rowan was born, my husband and I have gone on a childless date once. Many days, I forget to say “I’m so glad I married you”, though it’s as true as ever.

In truth, we don’t prioritize our marriage as we should. It’s something we’re working on, because we’ve seen the result of couples growing together over time, and growing apart. We want to grow together. I see how easily growing apart can happen when you have young children. 

The good news is, connecting with your spouse doesn’t have to be time-consuming. Date nights are great, but we need to sustain each other daily. I’m going to prioritize truly looking at my husband, holding his hand, and telling him how much he means to me. I want to truly listen to what’s on his mind. 

RELATED: Date Nights Are Not What Kept Our Marriage Together

Many people express before their weddings how happy they are to marry their best friend. That’s just the start. I want to look at my husband in 30 years, and still be happy to have married my best friend.

Like any friendship, we can’t take it for granted. Untended relationships wither. 

I’m reminded of the hand-fasting prayer from our wedding, that we chose because it spoke to times throughout life when it’s critical to remember you are with your best friend. Cord wraps around your joined hands, hands that will work together to build a future, hold you when you are filled with grief or fear, cherish you through the years, hold your children, give you support, encouragement, and comfort, and lastly, even when wrinkled and aged, still be reaching for you.  

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Amy Cardris

Amy Cardris is a freelance writer and blogger who focuses on the ins and outs of working parents. Her current balancing act includes her 10-month-old, five four-legged babies, her spouse, her house, and her full-time "real job."

Dear New Mom, God Is Only a Whisper Away

In: Baby, Faith, Motherhood
New mother holding baby on couch, eyes closed

While we were waiting to adopt, I would wake up in the middle of the night panicky. My mind would wander to the thought of suddenly having a baby. With groggy eyes and a cobwebbed mind, I would ask myself, “Could I get up right now to go soothe a crying baby?” And then the insecurities would flood me as I thought through the difficulty of dragging myself out of bed to give milk to a fussy newborn. I didn’t know if I could.  With each application sent to agencies and social workers, the possibility of adopting a baby became more...

Keep Reading

To the Mom with Two under Two: You’ll Make It

In: Baby, Motherhood, Toddler
Toddler girl showing bubble wand to baby, color photo

Sweet friend, I know you feel like your world has exploded into chaos. Two under the age of two feels overwhelming. It’s like raising two babies, but one child gets into one thing after another. It feels endless. The diapers, the crying, the messes. But sweet mama, it gets better . . . so much better. Those sweet babies will grow up feeling like their sibling was always there. Your first will never remember life before a forever friend entered her life. They will grow up together and share sweet memories. RELATED: May They Be Siblings Who Stay Friends When...

Keep Reading

Can You Hear the Silent Cry of Bereaved Postpartum Mothers?

In: Baby, Grief, Loss
Crib in nursery

Trigger warning: post discusses death and loss The cool air shocked my sweltering face as I walked into the doors of Old Navy. My husband kept his hand on my back to remind me he was still with me amidst the summer hustle that was buzzing in the store. We were there for a shirt. A single shirt.  An embarrassing want that I was calling a need. I thought I would actually laugh at the situation once I got out of the house for the first time in a week.  Seven days before, I was lying on my back in...

Keep Reading

I Nearly Died after a Routine C-Section

In: Baby, Motherhood
Woman in operating room after C-section delivery

When my husband Dylan and I found out we were having a baby after having a miscarriage weeks earlier, we were ecstatic. Planning, enjoying our oldest son, and taking in the pregnancy, we didn’t understand my mounting fears and anxiety as the due date crept closer. I began having a reoccurring dream of dying on the table. This anxiety only worsened as we passed the point of the possibility of vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) delivery, and I began preparing for another cesarean section. The morning of, we arrived happy and nervous. I began to come to terms with this...

Keep Reading

Dear IVF Mama, You Are Not Alone

In: Baby, Motherhood
woman giving herself IVF injection

I had to be pregnant this time. It was our fourth and final IUI. I was late. I was hopeful. I would have moved mountains to avoid the emotional and financial turmoil of the IVF process. Sitting at dinner with friends, I started to cramp. I felt the color drain from my face as anxiety flooded my brain. I stood from my seat. In a mere moment, my hope shattered into a thousand tiny pieces right there on that bathroom floor. I tried to compose myself so I could return to my friends. But the tears kept coming—an involuntary avalanche...

Keep Reading

You’re the One I Want to Raise My Babies with

In: Baby, Marriage
Mom and dad holding young daughter kiss

We didn’t realize the far-reaching effects of having our first child. We dreamed, planned, and imagined what our future life would be like with our daughter. What we couldn’t begin to understand is how much time would be taken away from us as a team. Our love of hiking still exists. Our love of travel still exists. Our love of quietly watching a movie still exists. But our priorities have shifted to spending as much time with our baby as possible. RELATED: Having a Baby Changes Everything in Marriage Parenting can be all-consuming. It takes every spare breath, every bit...

Keep Reading

A Vasectomy Fail Wrecked Me in the Most Beautiful Way

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mom, dad, four boys, color photo

Has life ever thrown you a major curveball? The kind you wonder how you’re going to work your way through, yet you survive and come out the other side changed and transformed? It was 2019—we had a house full of three growing little boys (ages 5, 7, and 9). We were out of the sleepless nights, terrible twos, and diapers. I was finally able to enjoy watching my kids play sports (without chasing a toddler), and I was about to turn 40. I was ready for growth in my career, ready for more traveling with our kids, and staring at...

Keep Reading

When These NICU Days Are Over

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mom and nurse with baby in NICU, color photo

I’ve been where you are. I’ve been in a hospital bed, striving to keep my baby in for one more day as if concentrating hard enough would stop the contractions. I’ve been there while NICU doctors told me about survival rates as I stared at the hospital ceiling, looking at the beaming fluorescent lights, trying to fight the tears until they left the room. Thinking to myself, please God, keep him in one more day. And when one more day didn’t come, I sat in the dimly lit room filled with machines, incubators, and cords, so many cords. I’ve watched...

Keep Reading

Postpartum Rage Is Real

In: Baby, Motherhood
Husband, wife, and four children, color photo

Growing up, I always fantasized about my life with my children. I never thought I would be the mom who yells or curses at her children. I envisioned I would be the gentle parent who always reacted calmly and never shamed my kids for accidents. Then while in the midst of being postpartum with my fourth baby, it hit me. “Did I really just curse at my child for spilling their milk?” This was not me, this was not my parenting style. I felt so ashamed and worthless. Those feelings were enough to help me realize I needed help. Overcoming...

Keep Reading

There’s No Hard like NICU Hard

In: Baby, Motherhood
Three women and two toddlers, color photo

To the mamas and daddies navigating the NICU: There’s no hard like NICU hard. Seeing your spanking-new beloved placed in a glass bassinet and rolled away from your aching breasts and empty arms—it’s the absolute hardest. No one who hasn’t been there can possibly understand. But many of us out here get it. We understand your emotions—the tangled and tied-up ones that unraveled in that bassinet’s wake. Fear, anger, frustration, helplessness, sorrow. You feel like a failure. You feel completely undone. Defeated.  But you’re not even one of those things. You are parents, and parents are practically superhuman. You have...

Keep Reading