So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

Husband, by now I’ve fallen in love with you a hundred times. And so it follows I’ve fallen out 99.

After all these years, even though all our trials, and instead of the false ideal I used to hold, I’ve realized I have an overarching new vow to make—I’ll always fall back in love with you.

And I humbly ask you to always fall back in love with me, too.

When I talk down to you,
When I spend too much time on my phone and not enough with you,
Always fall back in love with me.

When I take you and all you do for granted,
When I expect more of you than I do of myself,
When I forgive you, but then bring it up all over again,
Always fall back in love with me.

When the division of labor goes askew,
When your time away falls well below mine,
When I fall prey to thinking you’re not enough for me,
When I spew venom at you over something like the way you chew your food,
Always fall back in love with me.

RELATED: Marriage is Worth the Hard Parts

When my sex drive is out-paced by yours,
When I lose my temper and say things I can’t take back,
When the demands of the job deplete me and I don’t save anything for you,
When I expect you to read my mind and hold it against you because you can’t,
When the stress over a struggling child leaves me raw and makes my shoulder cold,
Always fall back in love with me.

When I push you away,
When we want to parent so differently,
When I attach conditions to loving you, 
When I forget to communicate in your love language,
When we have the same argument for the hundredth time,
When we grow too far apart, leaving space for someone else to come between us,
Always fall back in love with me.

When I break a promise,
When I need some space, 
When I question our suitability,
When I compare you to someone else,
When I fail to give you my first and my best,
When I have an entirely different point of view,
When I treat you like nothing more than a business partner or a roommate,
Always fall back in love with me.

When I’m harsh,
When I forget to flirt with you,
When I put our kids before you,
When my standards are impossibly high,
When you let me down and I won’t let it go,
When I don’t give you the credit you deserve,
When my expectations leave no room for error,
When I fail to transform my personal pain and instead transmit it to you, 
Always fall back in love with me.

Husband, by now it’s plain to see we’re going to fall short with each other again and again. We’re never going to wake up one day and be perfect.

Neither of us will always do the right thing. For this world is fallen, as are we. And it turns out maintaining a happy marriage is one of the hardest of hard things.

But I’ve noticed that come what may between us, while I’ve waded out of the shallow end of what feels like love for you, I inevitably fall right back into the deep end of actual love for you. No matter how many times I fall out with you, I’ll fall back in one more.

Going forward, through it all, just do this one thing for me, too—

Always fall back in love with me.

***

You may also like:

To My Husband: Thank You For Being A Great Man

Dear Husband, I’m Not the Same Girl You Married

Marriage is Worth the Hard Parts

Jodie Utter

Jodie Utter is a freelance writer & creator of the blog, Utter Imperfection. She calls the Pacific Northwest home and shares it with her husband and two children. As an awkward dancer who’s tired of making dinner and can’t stay awake past nine, she flings her life wide open and tells her stories to connect pain to pain and struggle to struggle in hopes others will feel less alone inside their own stories and more at home in their hearts, minds, and relationships. You can connect with her on her blog, Utter Imperfection and on FacebookInstagram, or Twitter.

That Old Chevy Tells the Story of Us

In: Marriage
Old Chevrolet truck, black-and-white photo

There’s an old Chevy that sits at the far end of our driveway, out of the way but not forgotten. It may seem like a hunk of worn-out metal to most, but to my husband and me, it signifies a whole lot more. In our town, there are not many exciting things to do, but there are endless country backroads. For two high schoolers in love, those roads were the beginning of everything—they were the highway to our futures and the start of a new chapter that turned into a book that’s still being written. The story of us. I...

Keep Reading

Marriage Is Better When We Bring Our True Selves

In: Marriage
Man and woman hook fingers with wedding rings on

There once was a boy whose favorite toy was a scale. He got it from his mom, a loud divorced woman who always showed her independence. He hoped that one day, he and his wife would never divorce. They would be aligned in everything—in perfect balance—just like his scale. One day, he grew up and became a man. He met a woman who told him he would marry her if he gave her the scale. He happily did and proposed. Everything she wanted, he did, and he felt they were aligned. Five years passed, and he noticed the scale seemed...

Keep Reading

A Medical Diagnosis Challenges a Marriage

In: Cancer, Living, Marriage
Bald woman holding clippers over husband's head, color photo

It is no secret now that Albert Pujols and his wife have announced their divorce shortly after she had surgery to remove a brain tumor. As a breast cancer survivor, this news hit me in a special way. As I was reading through an article from Today, there was a quote that hit me hard, “But a marriage falling apart is far more common when the wife is the patient, researchers have found. A woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, I Don’t Want To Fight

In: Marriage
Husband and wife facing away from each other on bed

Dear husband, It seems like every month, we are embroiled in the same “discussion,” which inevitably turns into an argument, and if we go down the well-worn path, eventually becomes an ear-splitting match.  Talking over each other’s voices, we battle it out in an attempt to be heard. The more we try to explain ourselves to each other, the farther apart we push each other. Still, we persist. We want so badly for each of us to try to understand where the other is coming from, but we can’t seem to do it at this moment. You think, If only...

Keep Reading

The Conversation We’re Forgetting To Have About Birth

In: Baby, Marriage, Motherhood
Woman having a baby man holding her hand

My husband lay sleeping, his head resting on a fluffy, down-stuffed pillow in our hotel room. His bag was packed neatly, ESPN was playing quietly in the background, and he had unopened snacks at his disposal on the end table. Our hotel phone rang, and my husband groggily answered, ”Yes? Oh, sorry. Yeah, we’ll keep it down. Sorry.” He hung up and found me miserable and shaky in the shower, the thin shower curtain clinging to my legs.  “Steph, we got a noise complaint. You have to keep it down!” he whispered. This is not how I expected labor to...

Keep Reading

Is Our Love Enough To Withstand the Devastation of Addiction?

In: Marriage
Couple walking hand in hand black and white photo

I lie awake at night listening to my husband’s breathing. He is clearly asleep. I, on the other hand, am wide awake feeling sad and alone. Where did we go wrong? How did we end up here? I look back fondly on those early days when we were madly in love. We couldn’t get enough of each other. It was like there was a magnet pulling us toward each other, insisting that our bodies connect. A caress under the table, a hand on the small of my back, there was always some part of us touching. I felt loved and wanted....

Keep Reading

My Husband Makes Me a Stronger Woman

In: Grief, Loss, Marriage
Daddy standing over hospital crib with infant, black-and-white photo

A little over a year ago, my husband and I went through the unimaginable. We lost our child, Lillian, to a congenital heart defect. The days following that, and even to this day, people will comment on how strong I am. How well I’ve dealt with this darkness. How they can’t imagine what I am going through. The truth is I was never alone. From the day we found out I would give birth to a child who had complex heart defects, my husband has been there. Always in the background of what others saw but ever so present in...

Keep Reading

I’m Mostly a Mom Right Now and Sometimes I Forget How to Be a Wife

In: Marriage, Motherhood

Sometimes it’s easy to take you for granted. Sometimes it’s easy to put my focus on other people, things to get done, places to go. Sometimes it’s easy to assume that you’ll always be there. But sometimes I need to make you a priority. I need to thank you for your hard work, your dedication to me and the kids, your selflessness. I need to ask how your day was, take an investment in your interests, and be more considerate of your needs. The hustle and bustle of everyday life gets in the way and is an easy excuse. Honestly,...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, Where Did You Go? Where Did We Go?

In: Marriage

When did it all change for you?  When did you stop looking at me that way? You know, the look. The look you gave me when you wanted me. Truly wanted me. I could feel the desire for me down deep in my bones.  When did your smile fade? Actually, I think it has disappeared completely. It used to be so big it took up your entire face. Where did it go?  I remember being unable to keep our hands off of each other. There was a force pulling my skin to yours. It was magnetic. Do you remember that?...

Keep Reading

This Is the Phase of Marriage No One Tells You About

In: Marriage, Motherhood

Before getting married, I remember being inundated with advice. Don’t go to bed angry. Make time for date nights. Cling to your vows. Follow Jesus above all else. I took this as a “heads up” of all the trials and struggles my husband and I would face in our marriage. And while no one enters their marriage thinking it’s going to be full of problems, I understood it was a reality of marriage—a phase that we would go through and tackle together. The wedding also brought on a lot of words of encouragement and excitement. You get to grow old...

Keep Reading

 5 Secrets to Connect with Your Kids

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Proven techniques to build REAL connections