Dear Mom, I Understand Everything Now

Dear Mom,

There is so much I didn’t understand back then, but now I do.

I never understood why sometimes you would look at me for the longest time.
Now I know, you were wanting time to stand still.

I never understood why you would say you just wanted five minutes of peace and quiet when being loud and messy was much more fun.

I never understood why you would tell me to “always be kind” when my brother was so annoying!

Now I know that nothing could make a mother more proud.

I never understood why sometimes you would sit with your head in your hands.

Now I understand you were hiding your tears.

I never understood why I missed you for what felt like days.

Now I understand you were working around the clock just to keep us afloat.

I never understood why you seemed upset that I didn’t like my doll you got me one Christmas. After all, it wasn’t the one I asked for.

Now I understand it was the next best affordable option.

I never understood why we had a big house then one day it became much smaller.

Now I understand that even as a single mother, you put our needs of school zoning ahead of the comfort of a larger home.

I never understood why when I was hurt I only wanted you.

Now I do. You’re the safest place I’ve ever known.

I never understood why in so many photos your dressy outfit was always the same.

Now I know, because ours were always different.

I never understood why it hurt you so much when I slammed doors or yelled at you growing up.

Now I do and it hurts me, too.

I never understood why you cried on my first overseas trip alone.

Now I know the worry never stops.

I never understood why sometimes your hugs lasted that little bit longer.

Now I know you needed one more than me.

I didn’t understand so much back then but now I do.

You’re my hero. I love you.

I understand everything now.

Originally published on Life with Harry & Holly

 

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