My husband and I are big on learning new things. He’s a teacher and I’m a librarian, so we naturally gravitate toward the acquiring and sharing of ideas and information. We’ve spent the last year or so learning a lot about the power of positive thinking, of having a vision and a purpose, and of intentionally setting the tone for our lives. We’ve read some great books like “Abundance Unleashed” by Christian Mickelsen and “Poverty, Riches, and Wealth” by Kris Vallotton that have inspired us to aim high and step into our best selves as we set out to create our best lives together. But today, I need to take a little break from the positivity of my best self and tell you what’s really going on.

Today, I need you to know that I’m just trying to get through the day.

You see, I have a 5-day old newborn at home, a second child I hoped and prayed for over the course of several years. It’s a blessing beyond belief, but, as I’m sure you know, having a newborn is no walk in the park, especially when you are still recovering from delivery yourself. To put it bluntly, my nether regions are a bloody, war-torn mess. The furniture is covered in waterproof pads in case someone has an accident. Will it be me or the baby? Who knows? Either way, it isn’t pretty, because sometimes motherhood is mesh panties and hospital grade maxi pads.

Don’t even get me started on my appearance. Let’s just say it’s lucky for everyone involved that I have a winning personality. I have managed to shower each day since leaving the hospital, but my feet are so puffy, they look like they belong to a woodland ogre, and suds have not touched my hair for what seems like four score and seven years. Sometimes motherhood is swollen Shrek feet and dry shampoo.

Breastfeeding isn’t going that well this time around either. Apparently, my right nipple is as flat as a pancake, if pancakes cracked and bled and made you cry out in excruciating pain every couple of hours. We’re working to find a way to successfully continue breastfeeding, but right now, we’re using pumped milk and supplementing with formula in the meantime. Sometimes motherhood is nipple shields and things not going according to plan.

I also have a 5-year-old kindergartener. I’d love it if she ate a well-balanced dinner tonight—perhaps some lean protein with a heaping serving of green veggies on the side, capped off by a nutritious bowl of bright, ripe strawberries for dessert. But sometimes motherhood is ordering apple slices in the Happy Meal and hoping for the best.

Yes, sometimes motherhood is sunshine-filled trips to Disney, sweetly whispered I love yous, and warm bedtime snuggles. But it’s also mesh panties and McDonald’s. 

It’s crying in your car, in the bathroom, in the pediatrician’s office. It’s not knowing what to do next, but putting one foot in front of the other anyway—hoping you’ll look back on this in a year and laugh but wondering how you’ll ever get to that point.

Until then, mamas, I’m adding a milkshake for myself to that McDonald’s order and sipping it contentedly on my freshly covered couch, resting in the knowledge that I can always go back to being my best self tomorrow . . . 

You may also like:

Dear New Mom, You’re Killing It

To the Mom in the Trenches: Your Time is Coming

Want more stories of love, family, and faith from the heart of every home, delivered straight to you? Sign up here!

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Leah Baacke

Leah is a mom, librarian, and blogger living and writing in the Tampa Bay, FL, area. Visit her blog, The Open Book Mama, for her hilarious musings on motherhood, reading recommendations for you and your kids, and more!

I Didn’t Know Anxiety until I Knew Grief

In: Grief, Living, Loss, Motherhood
Woman crouched on ground by waterfront

If you had known me for the first 45 years of my life, you would say I was an extrovert. I loved going places, meeting new people, and striking up conversations with all ages. I talk a lot, often sharing too much in the way of being transparent. It’s been said that I have never met a stranger. Yes, I will admit, I am that woman you see in the grocery store line starting up conversations with the people around me. A few years ago, my life started changing, and I struggled with becoming introverted. Though I had once loved...

Keep Reading

Each Child You Raise is Unique

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three little boys under a blanket, black-and-white photo

The hardest part about raising children? Well, there’s a lot, but to me, one major thing is that they are all completely different than one another. Nothing is the same. Like anything. Ever. Your first comes and you basically grow up with them, you learn through your mistakes as well as your triumphs. They go to all the parties with you, restaurants, sporting events, traveling—they just fit into your life. You learn the dos and don’ts, but your life doesn’t change as much as you thought. You start to think Wow! This was easy, let’s have another. RELATED: Isn’t Parenting...

Keep Reading

I Am an Adult with Autism

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother and three children in wildflowers, color photo

Thirty years. That’s how long it took for me to get the right diagnoses. Thirty years. Of struggles. Of shame. Of depression and anxiety. Of bullying. All without knowing the true causes and what was really going on. I never would have believed you if you told me a few years ago that I was autistic. It wasn’t until all three of my children were diagnosed with autism that I started to see the similarities and begin to question. At first, I thought there was no way. Wouldn’t I have known by now? It just can’t be. So I threw...

Keep Reading

Instead of Counting Down the Days until My Marine Came Home, I Counted My Blessings

In: Motherhood
Mother and two children holding "welcome home" signs next to soldier daddy, color photo

It was a relatively mild morning in October—cool even, considering we were in the middle of the Mojave Desert. We stood atop a concrete amphitheater overlooking a grass field in the middle of the small USMC installation known as Twenty-Nine Palms. All the unit’s seabags were lined up in neat rows, each one stuffed to bursting. John held our daughter Eleanor who had just woken up from a nap in her infant carrier. Blearily, she looked around and then smiled when John paused his conversation with some of his friends to coo at her. I sat with our son Sawyer...

Keep Reading

I Hope My Daughter Loves Her Future Mother-in-Law

In: Motherhood
Bride holding mother's hands

I’m a proud boy mom. I catch bugs, I catch balls (in the house), and I try my best to catch my boys’ every fall. I love it. I love being a boy mom. There is one part I don’t like: everyone telling me they will leave as soon as they meet “the one,” and their wife’s family will push my husband and I out of the picture. “A boy is yours ‘til he finds a wife, a daughter’s your daughter all her life.” I’d heard it too many times from older moms who chuckle as if the rhyming covers...

Keep Reading

Adoptive Parents-To-Be Deserve to Be Celebrated Too

In: Motherhood
Couple making heart with hands

My husband and I are on a very exciting journey—we are in the process of adopting our first child! Wow, we are stoked beyond words. Albeit we are on the front end of the journey at this point (as in just now about to complete our home study). Yet we are knee-deep and in the thick of it all. After struggling with infertility for about two years and many doctors’ appointments later, it became clear that natural conception is not how we will become parents. We never thought we would encounter infertility. Infertility has been hard and a grieving process...

Keep Reading

I’m Thankful for the Community We’ve Found

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Community on street having a picnic

It was the end of the school holidays, and the return to school after Christmas was looming. The children had had two weeks at home. The general sense of routine was lost for the boys, with late nights and relaxing days watching YouTube while playing their Switch. I was eager for routine to make a reappearance through school. As we headed into the weekend before the start of school, Josh had a cough and then a fever, and it became clear this would not be the week I had envisioned. By Monday morning the boys appeared more lethargic than usual,...

Keep Reading

Our Kids Need Us as Much as We Need Them

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy sitting on bench with dog nearby, color photo

During a moment of sadness last week, my lively and joyful toddler voluntarily sat with me on the couch, holding hands and snuggling for a good hour. This brought comfort and happiness to the situation. At that moment, I realized sometimes our kids need us, sometimes we need them, and sometimes we need each other at the same time. Kids need us. From the moment they enter the world, infants express their needs through tiny (or loud) cries. Toddlers need lots of cuddling as their brains try to comprehend black, white, and all the colors of the expanding world around...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

Take it from a Mom Who’s Been There: It Gets Easier

In: Motherhood
Mother with teen daughter embracing and smiling outside

My view from home is changing as my oldest is now married and my youngest is wrapping up his college career. But dear mom of little ones and even those not-so-little ones, I want you to know that I remember. I remember the side-eyes and the judging glances from older moms as I juggled toddlers doing their toddler thing. All these years later, I still feel the harshness of their stings. I remember the gloom and doom declarations of “Just wait until they turn three, or ten, or thirteen . . .” Those almost gleefully delivered little quips that made...

Keep Reading