There is so much I didn’t know about you and so much I didn’t notice growing up with you.
But now I see it.
I didn’t know all the little comforts and conveniences you gave up for me. I didn’t realize that you took cold showers so I could have a warm bath. Or that you always shared your food—even when you were hungry—because I asked for it. You always gave me the best bite or the bigger half. Or how you would give me your pillow in car rides even though you wanted to use it. You let me sleep on your shoulder even if it wasn’t comfortable for you.
I didn’t know how much you worried about me. I didn’t realize that when I got pretty sick, it was scary to you. Or how your mind would quickly spin in the what ifs. I didn’t know you thought so much about my safety. I had no clue how frightening this world could be knowing your baby is living in it.
I didn’t know how much you had to trust God, because the worrying about me could make you go crazy.
I didn’t know how much your day revolved around my needs and desires. How you had to plan and organize everything. All the meals, the drop offs and pick ups, and the play dates. You barely had time to yourself, but even when you did, you found yourself missing me.
I didn’t know your heart broke when mine was broken. I wasn’t aware that seeing me hurting was incredibly painful for you, too. I didn’t know you carried my emotions almost as much as I did.
I didn’t know how much you wanted to give me a good life. How everything you did was done so that I could be happy.
I didn’t know, mom, that you would sacrifice anything—including your life—for me in a heartbeat.
I didn’t know these things until I had my own babies. I didn’t know how much I was a piece of your heart until my babies took a piece of mine.
But now I can see it all so clearly.
And now that I’m a mom, there are a few more things I’ve realized I didn’t know.
I didn’t know how much I would need you when I became a mom, too.
I didn’t know that when my kid got sick, I would feel better knowing you were around. Because you’d know what to do, just like you did with me.
I didn’t realize the relief that would sweep over me when you’d walk in the door to help me with the kids.
I didn’t realize trusting people with my kids would be difficult, but trusting you with them was so easy.
I didn’t realize that you would still be the person I ran to for reassurance and comfort even when I became a mom.
I didn’t know that when I was trying to hold it all together, your mama bear hug would still make me break down and finally cry.
I didn’t know that you would still be my safe spot and one of the most important people in my life, mom. Not just as a kid, but forever.
But now I know, and I’m forever grateful for you.
I know I didn’t say it enough then, because I just didn’t know . . . but thank you for being the best mom I could ever ask for.
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