Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

I understand that generalizations can be upsetting, so I want everyone to be clear I am not clumping all special needs parents into the confines of this idea. Every single special needs parent handles the day-to-day in their own way, and I respect that. I know for myself, I wished I had found some encouragement in the form of our reality via the internet. I hope by sharing a piece of my heart someone going through the same daily struggles might find they aren’t alone in their feelings and hardships.

Friends, we are all together in this, and for some of us, it’s just hard.

There are several ideas floating around surrounding the idea of being a special needs parent.

God only gives special needs children to strong people.”

“Your sweet child was put on this earth to show us all how special life truly is.”

“Oh my, I honestly could not do what you do.”

You guys, I am over it.

Guess what? I am not always strong.

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed I think I could run away. When things stop feeling special and start feeling stressful, I just want to retreat.

RELATED: To the Special Needs Parents in Crisis Mode

Don’t get me wrong, there was a time I romanticized the idea of being a special needs mom. I had envisioned this child who would just need a little more of me. A child I would get to keep a little longer than most parents.

The reality is, I am burnt out and exhausted.

Every morning, I feel the anxiety rise as I wonder what kind of mood we will be doing that day. I put socks and shoes on the same two feet at least four times every morning. I brush a head that is so sensitive to the bristles, it usually results in flailing arms and head butts to my mouth. As I put short little arms through coat sleeves, I watch two eyes fill with tears because the material is more than this little person can handle.

I do this every single day, all before 9 a.m.

RELATED: From a Mom Raising a Child With Special Needs: Please See Me

Then, there are the things no one, I mean no one, likes to talks about. Like how tough potty training is or how outrageously loud these kids can scream. Why aren’t we talking about how much pressure we put on ourselves to prepare these little people for a world that doesn’t understand them?

As I lie in bed every night, I wonder if it will ever get any easier.

I tell God, “Lord, I am so grateful for this little person, but how could you possibly think I have what it takes to raise this child?” I cry silent tears and worry washes all over me.

I just have such a hard time relating to some of these articles that tell me MY life is just one long beautiful journey. I could never truly put into words how deeply my heart shattered when we learned of her diagnosis. I Googled my heart out and found article after article celebrating her diagnosis.

A diagnosis that had devastated my heart, my home, and my marriage.

This is the stuff people don’t talk about.

RELATED: Stop Doing These Five Things After a Special Needs Diagnosis

So, no, I am not an individual radiating with strength and resilience. My sweet child was not put on this earth for no other purpose than to give us sentimental feelings of life in general. Lastly, yes . . . yes you COULD do this because you wouldn’t have a choice in the matter.

I know I cannot speak for every special needs parent because we are all at different places in our journey, but I will say this: being a special needs parent is not one warm and fuzzy feeling after another.

It is hard.

It is stressful.

Sometimes, it feels hopeless.

But I love my child, and no diagnosis would ever take away my fight for her.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Lindsey Carson

Lindsey Carson is a christian mom blogger that spends her days chasing babies and chugging coffee. She was raised in New Mexico and holds the Zia Symbol close to her heart as she learns the ins and outs of east coast living. She enjoys writing about her adventures in motherhood, marriage, and redemption at www.lovefaithandtonsofgrace.com.

Sharing Our Grief Frees Our Hearts

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Two women holding hands over a hospital bed, color photo

Almost 18 years ago, we lost our first child. It was unexpected. It was public. It was traumatic. It was a moment in time that even to this day, burns with a scorching flame, running like a reel in my memory and igniting a pain deeper than anything I’ve ever known into the empty corners of my heart. And while time has marched on in beautiful ways—healthy children who I get to watch grow up, an incredible marriage with the love of my life, a gratitude for all the milestones each year brings—I still can’t help but hold space for the...

Keep Reading

There’s Still Magic in These Tween Years

In: Motherhood, Tween
Tween girl walking into ocean waves

The water shimmers atop the electric-blue pool. The clock blinks 94 degrees. It is July 10th weather showing off. A friend asked me to watch her son. He is nine, like my son, and the two of them get along—swimmingly. They throw towels askew and fast-step-crash into the water, goggles on, challenging each other to do this and that. Nine-year-old boys, so alive. My 11-year-old daughter and I stand and squint, placing towels neatly on our beach chairs.  She looks from face to face, like assembly line quality control. A friend—her eyes ask . . . now plead—any friend.  I...

Keep Reading

God Had Different Plans

In: Faith, Motherhood
Silhouette of family swinging child between two parents

As I sip my twice-reheated coffee holding one baby and watching another run laps around the messy living room, I catch bits and pieces of the Good Morning America news broadcast. My mind drifts off for a second to the dreams I once had of being the one on the screen. Live from New York City with hair and makeup fixed before 6 a.m. I really believed that would be me. I just knew I’d be the one telling the mama with unwashed hair and tired eyes about the world events that happened overnight while she rocked babies and pumped milk....

Keep Reading

My Baby Had Laryngomalacia

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mother holding baby on her shoulder

Life’s funny, isn’t it? Just when you think you’ve got the whole motherhood thing figured out, the universe throws a curveball. And, oh boy, did it throw me one with my second baby. There I was, feeling like a seasoned mom with my firstborn—a healthy, vivacious toddler who was 16 months old. Our breastfeeding journey had its hiccups, an early tongue-tie diagnosis that did little to deter our bond. Fourteen months of nurturing, nighttime cuddles, and feeling powerful, like my body was doing exactly what it was meant to do. Enter my second baby. A fresh chapter, a new story....

Keep Reading

Please Stop Comparing Kids

In: Motherhood
Mom and kids in sunlight

Let me begin with this important message: Please refrain from comparing children, especially when it pertains to their growth and development. If you happen to notice differences in a child’s height, weight, or appetite compared to another, that’s perfectly fine. Your observations are appreciated. However, I kindly request that you avoid openly discussing these comparisons as such conversations can inadvertently distress a parent who may already be grappling with concerns about their child’s growth trajectory. Trust me, I say this from personal experience. Recently, at a dinner gathering, a couple casually remarked that someone’s 1-year-old child appeared larger both in...

Keep Reading

This Will Not Last Forever

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman looking at sunset

“This will not last forever,” I wrote those words on the unfinished walls above my daughter’s changing table. For some reason, it got very tiring to change her diapers. Nearly three years later, the words are still there though the changing table no longer is under them. While my house is still unfinished so I occasionally see those words, that stage of changing diapers for her has moved on. She did grow up, and I got a break. Now I do it for her baby brother. I have been reminding myself of the seasons of life again. Everything comes and...

Keep Reading

You Made Me Love Christmas

In: Motherhood
Family in pajamas near Christmas tree, color photo

Hi kids, this is a thank you note of sorts . . . I’m about to tell you something strange. Something you may not “get” yet, but I hope you do eventually. I used to dread Christmas. I know, isn’t that weird? Most kids and a lot of adults have countdowns and decorations and music, but I had a countdown in my mind of when it would be over. To me, it wasn’t a happy time. From the age of about eight (right about where you all are now) Christmas, for me, became like a job of sorts. Long before...

Keep Reading

She is an Anonymom

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother standing at sink holding a baby on her hip

She stands alone in the church kitchen, frantically scrubbing pots and pans while the grieving huddle around the fellowship hall, and she slips out the back door before anyone comes in. She is an anonymom. She gets out of her car and picks up the trash thrown into the ditch alongside the country road. She is an anonymom. She sits on the park bench, watching her children play. In the meantime, she continually scans the whole playground, keeping track of everyone’s littles, because that is what moms do. She is an anonymom. RELATED: Can We Restore “the Village” Our Parents...

Keep Reading

I Come Alive at Christmas

In: Motherhood
Kitchen decorated for Christmas

It’s time again. Time for the lights and the trees and candy canes and tiny porcelain village homes. It’s time to shake off all that this year has thrown at me and come alive again. My favorite time of year is here and it’s time to make some magic. My mom started the magic of Christmas for me when I was little, and I was infatuated with the joy that it brought to so many people. Loved ones come together and everything sparkles and people who don’t normally come to church are willing to join us in the pews. Everything...

Keep Reading

Brothers Fight Hard and Love Harder

In: Kids, Motherhood
Two boys play outside, one lifting the other on his back

The last few years have been a whirlwind. My head has sometimes been left spinning; we have moved continents with three boys, three and under at the time. Set up home and remained sufficiently organized despite the complete chaos to ensure everyone was where they were meant to be on most days. Living in a primarily hockey town, the winters are filled with coffee catch-ups at the arena, so it was no surprise when my youngest declared his intention to play hockey like his school friends. Fully aware that he had never held a hockey stick or slapped a puck,...

Keep Reading