A Gift for Mom! 🤍

It’s Hard Being a Mom When You Don’t Have Your Own Mother to Lean On

4 Minute Read

By Her View From Home

mother and child www.herviewfromhome.com — By Volchenkova Olga/Shutterstock.com

Can a mother really be your best friend? I have friends and family members who claim it is possible. At the very least, they consider their moms to be some of the people they are closest to. Someone they can go to for anything.

I wonder what that’s like.

It must be nice to have someone to call when you had a hard day and need an encouraging word. Or have a home to go to and know you will get a comforting meal and a hug. A safe place where there is no judgement or negativity, only unconditional love.

I don’t know what that’s like, and sometimes it makes me sad.

I have a mother here on this Earth, and she is in my life, but our relationship is strained and distanced—a necessary measure to keep my heart intact.

I’m endlessly stuck in the dilemma of wanting to cut out my mother—the woman who prayed for me and grew me in her womb—from my life to save my sanity, to believing she will become the mother I pray for, someone who is warm, positive, and loving.

My reality is that neither is likely to happen.

I read stories of women who love their mothers and have such special bonds with them, and I can’t help but be a little envious. How did they get such wonderful moms?

Sure, there were good times growing up. My sister and I lived in a comfortable home and our physical needs were met. My mom loved celebrations and made Christmas a kid’s dream.

But love doesn’t come in packages. It isn’t wrapped up in a pretty bow. Love should speak from soul to soul. It’s a warm grip of a mother’s hand when you’re scared. It’s a hug that you never want to end. It’s three simple words that speak from the heart and are never forced.

It’s hard to be a mom myself when I don’t have my own to lean on in times of difficulty. I’m afraid to pick up the phone and call my mom because I never know what kind of mood she will be in, and I don’t know if I have the energy to fight off the negativity that rolls so freely from her tongue.

I spent many years in agony grieving my mom and the emotional neglect I experienced. Then one day I decided I didn’t want to live like that anymore. I wouldn’t let her dark waters pull me under.

I realized that I can’t control her, and I can’t change her. I am only in charge of my happiness. So I keep her at an arm’s length.

While my mom isn’t a role model of how I want to mother my children, she sets the mold of what not to be. I want to make sure my kids know how much I love them and how grateful I am to have them in my life. I don’t just tell them I love them—I show them.

I show them with countless hugs for no reason other than I want to hold them.

I show them with kisses—goodnight kisses on the lips, and pecks on their cheeks and hands, soaking up every bit of that sweet child innocence.

I show them by telling them I miss them when I’m at work and encourage them to share with me their feelings. Love is big and complex and deserves to be talked about.

So while I grieve the mom I never had, I’m giving my all to make sure I am the mom my kids need. My kids will know how much I love them because they will feel it. They will know their worth and never question how happy and proud I am to be their mom.

You may also like:

My Toxic Mother Made Me a Better Parent

To My Mom: I Get It Now

Want more stories of love, family, and faith from the heart of every home, delivered straight to you? Sign up here!

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too! Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at https://herviewfromhome.com/contact-us/write-for-her//

I Wanted Experts to Fix My Child with ADHD. Instead, They Changed Me.

In: Motherhood

Little boy sitting at table talking to adult

I thought the experts were going to fix my child. I didn’t say that out loud. But it was there…quiet, desperate, sitting underneath every question I asked. If I just found the right strategy… If I just understood ADHD well enough… If I just listened hard enough… Maybe the meltdowns would stop. Maybe the chaos would settle. Maybe I would finally feel like I knew what I was doing. So I started asking questions. Over the past year, I’ve had the opportunity to interview ADHD experts (clinicians, researchers, specialists) through my podcast. And I showed up to every conversation like...

Keep Reading

Parenting a Child with a Disability Is Holy Ground

In: Motherhood

Some moments in motherhood stay with you. First steps. Preschool graduation. A first dance recital. And then there are harder times. The ones that do not make it into photo albums. The moments when the world feels too big and your child feels painfully misunderstood. When you are parenting a child with a disability, those moments tend to find you more often. This day should have felt like a win. My son had just met a goal in therapy. We walked out of his OT’s office smiling, carrying a page full of lopsided circles that had never looked more perfect...

Keep Reading

I Came Home With a Baby—and Lost Myself

In: Motherhood

I don’t think people truly believe me when I say I came back from the depths of hell after having my son. Birth is often portrayed as pure bliss. The moment a mother holds her baby and instantly falls in love. Life quickly returns to normal. Even in real life, new moms can look like they’ve settled into motherhood with ease. But what no one talks about is the ugly, incredibly hard side of it. Not every mom experiences postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD. For some, it really is bliss. But for many of us, it becomes a fight for...

Keep Reading

He Doesn’t Always Need Me Anymore and I’m Not Sure How To Feel About It

In: Motherhood

Little boy playing with toys on the floor alone

There is a moment nobody warns you about. Not the sleepless nights. Not the feeding schedules. Not the endless cycle of laundry and worry that comes with keeping a tiny human alive. Those parts everyone mentions. The part nobody mentions is the moment you realize your child has started becoming his own person. And you are standing there watching it happen, equal parts proud and completely unprepared. My son is two years old. And lately he has been leaving the room. Not in a concerning way. In a he has somewhere to be kind of way. He will be in...

Keep Reading

We Keep Calling Her Confident, But She Doesn’t Trust Herself

In: Motherhood

I remember the exact moment it hit me. I was talking to a young girl, the kind everyone praises. She was polite, well spoken, respectful. The kind of girl people point to and say, “She’s so confident.” So I asked her a question I knew would reveal more than her smile ever could: “What do you do when something doesn’t feel right?” She froze. Not in a dramatic way, but in a quiet, almost invisible way. She looked down, shifted her weight, then looked back up at me, searching my face like the answer might be written there. Because she...

Keep Reading

I Knew Something Was Wrong, But No One Listened—And It Almost Cost Me My Daughter

In: Motherhood

After the traumatic birth of my daughter, I searched for others who had experienced vasa previa, but most of what I found were support groups for stillbirth. It’s easy to understand why; vasa previa is one of the most preventable causes of stillbirth, and yet most people, including most pregnant women, have never heard of it. My daughter is almost three years old, and I still carry a complicated guilt about that: why did we get to be the lucky ones? I want to share my story—not to frighten you, but because awareness is the only thing that saves lives...

Keep Reading

I Finally Admitted I Didn’t Want To Be a SAHM Anymore

In: Motherhood

For most of my life, I believed becoming a stay-at-home mom wasn’t just a choice, it was the ultimate goal. The kind of life a “good” woman was meant to want. The kind of life that meant you were doing things right. I grew up surrounded by that message. In conservative spaces, in church circles, in subtle conversations about what a “real” mother looked like. Women who stayed home were praised. Women who didn’t were quietly questioned. I learned, without ever being directly told, that a mother’s highest purpose was to center her entire world around her children and her...

Keep Reading

I’m Not Really Sure How To Do This Teenager Thing

In: Motherhood, Teen

I was not prepared to be a mother of teenagers. Sure, I was warned by other parents about the difficult journey I was about to embark on, but I did not expect it to be this challenging. I remember these two sweet, innocent children who wanted to be with me all the time. Now they barely give me the time of day. How did we get here? Like many parents, we long to have that child who once, a long time ago, called us Mommy and Daddy and begged us to read them another story. Where are those kids I...

Keep Reading

Why Don’t We Talk About Jonah’s Mother?

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood

Praying for My Son Send a storm to stop him; Let his friends throw him out. May he drop to the deeps, But gently, please, Stubborn though he may be. If it could only take three days, How my mother’s heart would Rejoice in praise. From the hell you allow him, Let him cry to you. Is not Nineveh and mercy Exactly what he knows He needs— A mercy on enemies He fears You will concede? Please let all the shade wither If his is an angry soul; Humble him and help him follow Where you would have his purpose...

Keep Reading

To the Mom Worrying She’s Not Doing Enough This Summer

In: Motherhood

It’s only the second week of summer, and, thanks to modern-day social media, I feel like I’ve already seen it all. Picture-perfect beach getaways, color-coded bucket lists, backyard neighborhood movie nights, you name it. And if I’m being honest, I’ve already caught myself wondering if I’m doing enough. More than once, at that. As a solo mom of two, I’m still adjusting to our new norm while trying desperately to delicately let go of any expectations tied to all of our past experiences…including summer vacations. I’m reminding myself that our summers won’t look like they used to. At least not...

Keep Reading

Choosing Unexpected Life

Baby

Choosing Unexpected Life

Sometimes We Get it All Wrong in Motherhood, But That's Not What They'll Remember

Kids

It’s Hard Being a Mom When You Don’t Have Your Own Mother to Lean On

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

I Wanted Experts to Fix My Child with ADHD. Instead, They Changed Me.

Parenting a Child with a Disability Is Holy Ground

I Came Home With a Baby—and Lost Myself

He Doesn’t Always Need Me Anymore and I’m Not Sure How To Feel About It

We Keep Calling Her Confident, But She Doesn’t Trust Herself

I Knew Something Was Wrong, But No One Listened—And It Almost Cost Me My Daughter

I Finally Admitted I Didn’t Want To Be a SAHM Anymore

I’m Not Really Sure How To Do This Teenager Thing

Why Don’t We Talk About Jonah’s Mother?

To the Mom Worrying She’s Not Doing Enough This Summer

Previous Post

Next Post

You May Also Like