I’ve never known what’s wrong with me. From such a young age, I’ve never had friends. I was never the girl who was invited to the birthday parties let alone the sleepover after the birthday party.
Now as an adult, I’m not the girl invited for drinks, moms’ nights out, play dates, or even to listen to a pyramid scheme.
I’m not the coworker everyone loves. Or the classmate everyone envies because of her skill.
I’m not making waves anywhere I go.
Not even with my own family. No aunt, uncle, cousin, or grandparent has anything specific to say about my life that makes me stand out. I’m not the black sheep or the golden child. I’m just there.
I’m 28. I’ve gone to multiple colleges. Had multiple jobs. I’ve had many experiences in which I should have made a lifelong friend. At least one. But I haven’t.
I see the girls who met in college or high school and clicked so well. They are in each other’s weddings now and doing fun trips together. I wonder if my time is coming for that or if I have passed it.
So I sit and wonder, what is wrong with me?
Am I the weird kid no one wants to be friends with? What makes me different in a bad way? Do I offend people in some way?
I’m a mother of two. My girls are my best friends. I shouldn’t complain because I have them. I love them. More than anything in the world. My husband is remarkable. He works so hard for us so we can have an amazing life.
But at least twice a week, I have to hold my 4-year-old while she cries because she has no friends or no one likes her. She’s four. No one invited her to birthday parties. Over to their houses to play. Nothing.
Is she going to have the same life as me?
I worry. She’s young. So young. Too young to worry about these things. I do not feel strong enough to watch my child go through what I have lived.
I love my family. I love my kids. I just wonder, what did I do wrong to have no friends to share it with?