You Don’t Have to Exhaust Yourself to Be a Good Mother

People always say to me “I don’t know how you do it with three. I can’t do it with one.”

And I’ll always say the first is your hardest.

I had never been more shocked, more overwhelmed, or more sleep-deprived ever in my life. Yes, three is hard. But entering motherhood for the first time is like a tornado that swirls you in and spits you out. Those days are by far the hardest.

But what I do know is this; the days of feeling like you’ve been kicked up the vagina and hungover are few. You can hug your baby, he can sleep in your arms, you can have a routine or not and nothing bad will come of it

Some days you’ll shower, other days you’ll smell like an orangutan picking fleas off your head. Some days you’ll feel blessed, other days you’ll hate yourself for struggling because all you wanted was a baby. But both are OK, neither makes you a bad mother.

Getting a babysitter, sleeping, passing your baby over to your partner like a football, or putting the baby down in her bed nice and safe while you take a minute—is OK. Your mental health matters. Your self-care is still important. You’re still a person. You don’t have to exhaust yourself to be a good mother. You don’t have to lose yourself.

No one is cleaning their house every day. No one is having sex every day. No one has it all together. We are ALL losing our crap. Even Becky with the good hair.

I’ve had a C-section that was hard work and a vaginal birth that was hard work. I’ve formula fed, breastfed, and donor fed my babies—all of it was hard work. All of it was amazing, and yet my kids still swear at the wrong time and throw tantrums and eat off the floor. All three. Don’t beat yourself up.

I’ve never fought more with my husband than ever. Two ships sailing in the night. But you meet again, I promise.

So I don’t know how I do it with three, and I don’t know how you do it with one, but the fact is, we ARE doing it and doing it well.

You’re amazing. Through the tears, the dirty diapers, the first steps, you’re amazing.

Don’t ever second guess it because those little turds, they never do. To them, you are wonderful. To them, you are everything.

Originally published on the author’s Facebook page