Sometimes, intuition manifests as inspiration, while other times, it feels like a throat punch. I recently experienced the latter. My six-year-old is entering first grade next year, and I have spent the past several months researching different schools and teaching styles, trying to figure out what will work best for her creative personality.
After months of going back and forth, my husband and I decided. The school of choice would not be cheap, but we were willing to sacrifice leisure money and family vacations for the magical environment this school would provide our child with daily.
Feeling super enthusiastic, we toured the school. The staff was lovely, the children looked refreshed and happy, and the atmosphere was peaceful. Yet, by the time we left, I felt an overwhelmingly heavy feeling settle deep into my chest. I couldn’t name it. I didn’t know why I felt the way I did. I shouldn’t feel this way. I fought it. I argued against it, yet it lingered. Not only that, but the more justification my mind tried to give my heart that this was the right choice, the heavier that feeling became. It would not be ignored.
After waking up the next morning with a heavy heart, I heard a small voice in my head. “You need to check into this other school,” it told me. This was a school my husband had suggested we check out at the beginning of our search, one that was a little less creative, and a lot more academically rigorous, with a religious undertone. I fought it. I didn’t want that school, I wanted the one I wanted.
Finally, I caved. “Fine!” I told the voice in my head. And the instant I agreed with the small, nameless voice, the heaviness dissipated, and was replaced with peace and ease.
I don’t know why my intuition kicked in so strongly against that perfect-for-my-kid school, and I likely never will. That’s the thing about following your intuition—sometimes you do get to know why. And when you follow those promptings, and see the outcome, it builds the faith to listen again.
Next time, when that gut feeling kicks in, you may not get to know why, but you will obey. Because you remember. Because to not follow the promptings could spell disaster and pain which could have been avoided if you had just listened in the first place.
Intuition can be a tricky thing. When fear takes hold, it’s hard to tell which is guiding you, fear, or intuition. But, when you want something badly, and are feeling a very strong pull in the opposite direction, those are the times which leave little doubt as to what you need to do.
It doesn’t always feel great, either, making the right choice. In this case for me, while the peaceful feeling has returned to my heart, my mind is highly disappointed. But I know it will pass. I know that there is a bigger being in this world which has my daughter’s best interest at heart and knew how to speak to this mama. And thanks to my mother sharing this wisdom with me from the time I was young, I was able to hear it for what it was, and act upon the promptings.
If there is one thing I want to pass on to my children, it is this: to listen to that guiding voice which manifests as feeling—and to follow the strong promptings and inner guidance, even, and especially, when it overrides their logical thoughts.