We’ve all been on the receiving end of nosy questions at some point in our lives. When these questions are asked about us, we have the option to decide what, if any, information we choose to share with the person questioning us.
When I became a mom by adoption, I was not prepared for the number of nosy questions I would be asked about my son’s birth mom. When someone asks me a question about my son’s birth mom and expects me to share information with them, it is extremely irritating.
I am not my son’s birth mom, and her story is not mine to tell.
A few years into this journey, I’ve put together a comprehensive list of all the information I am willing to share about my son’s birth mom. I hope this will be helpful to anyone who feels the need to ask questions about a birth mom–whether it be my son’s or anyone else’s birth mom.
My son’s birth mom is brave.
I’ll admit, prior to becoming an adoptive parent, if I were asked to name someone who is brave, birth moms wouldn’t have been who came to mind first.
But her level of bravery truly didn’t hit me until I had my son at home. As I soaked up the newborn snuggles, the feedings, and started to watch him grow up, I saw firsthand what she had given up.
She went through everything that goes along with being pregnant. All the morning sickness. All the discomfort. She carried this child knowing that one day she’d make the decision to place him in the home of another mom. She went through labor. And she left the hospital empty-handed after all she did for him.
My son’s birth mom has a huge heart.
I’ve been asked so many times, “Why did your son’s birth mom give him up for adoption?” The answer to that question is love.
It is not anyone’s business what her circumstances were.
What matters is that she loved her son enough to make a decision that was best for him–even if that decision caused her own heart to break.
My son’s birth mom is my hero.
I wanted to be a mom for a long time, and for years, it seemed like that dream might never happen.
My son’s birth mom made that dream come true for me. Every joy my son has brought into my life is because of her. All the love he added to our family is because of her. I’ll never be able to adequately put into words how much her decision has had a positive impact on my life.
My son’s birth mom is a person with feelings who deserves respect.
My son’s birth mom doesn’t need to have her story told to anyone except who she personally chooses to talk to about her decision.
Have you ever been gossiped about? I have, and it doesn’t feel good at all. I’ve also had times when I’ve told one person something, and they’ve blabbed it to other people I had no intention of sharing the information with. I’ve also been asked how someone else is doing, and accidentally said something about them I didn’t realize they hadn’t shared with the person asking me about them.
I’ve learned from all these experiences, the best option is for people to ask questions about someone directly to the person they have a question for so the person can make their decision as to what they want to share or not.
If my son’s birth mom has not talked to you directly about her story, then you don’t need to be concerned about it. So stop asking questions because you’re not getting information that doesn’t belong to you.