So God Made a Teacher Collection (Sale!) ➔

I had half-hearted moments with God, but it was a fraying life-line to comfort my fears of hell. The life I live wasn’t a Godly one, basically stumbled from one bad party to the next in what I thought was a lovely dress. There were many nights I watched the sun come up from the wrong side and it wasn’t a pretty sight. But I was sure I was having the time of my life.

It was evident in my poetry; I was concerned with my soul. I claimed it to be a string of pearls, training wheels, and seed I’d get around to sewing. It was treasure, more so a bargaining chip to flip in God’s direction. Tragic how careless I was with it.

There were times I recalled wanting something from God though I was raised in a church that only the good were allowed words with him. So, while I struggled, I put more distance between God and me. In desperate times I’d open my bible, as though I were scratching a lottery ticket searching for hope to put to good use until I was on my feet again. Then it was like, “See you later old friend until I need you again.” And how I pushed the distance each time, fating my soul an eternity in hell. Yea, it was evident I was really concerned about my soul! Thankfully God was! And how blindsided was I when he played his hand, because Motherhood wasn’t my plan and my pregnancy didn’t go by the book…

My water broke two-months early and I was quickly brought in and informed of the worse. The following morning, a dreary May morning, things fell apart. My eyes filled with tears, while my husband held my hand, “I assure you, you aren’t having contractions,” the nurse said. Had I known any better I might have put up a fight. But I took her word, without so much as a Tylenol, I dilated to ten and pushed my son’s feet out. It was five seconds of relief quickly trampled by fear, as panic erupted. Nurses flooded in and ripped me from the shelter of my self-absorbed world.

I woke up with my mom by my side, twenty-nine and I’d never been so happy to see her. She was aware of the situation based on yesterday’s plan to stay on bed rest in the hospital. However, my mom had frantically made the drive that morning because she had a feeling. I had yet to comprehend how bad things were as I was wheeled into the NICU. I assumed they’d place him in my arms and everything would be perfect. Reality quickly hit and without faith I can’t begin to tell you how hard it hit. My precious baby was in this incubator, tangled in a mess of wires, with a mask taking up his face. I reached in for his little hand, tears burning my eyes, as I prayed, for the first time really prayed to God, for I had just fallen in love.

Jack only weighed 4lbs. He couldn’t breathe, eat, or maintain his own temperature. He was attached to wires that sounded like fire bells when his oxygen levels drop, taking my heart plunging with it. Three days passed before we finally got to hold him and our time was limited. I cannot explain how it felt when they tucked him into my shirt and he nestled up. Those minutes raced by and I was in tears as I held on tight. At that moment my wonderful husband sacrificed and surrendered his five minutes for me.

The doctors couldn’t explain why my water broke. It wasn’t until much later did I understand this was God’s doing. My unexpected pregnancy was the answer to my husband’s desperate prayers for help. While I was pregnant all I wanted was to get back to my party. I am so thankful God interfered and put an end to our plans. My son’s birthday marks the day I first walked with God and the day we centered our marriage a round God. 

They say you have to hit rock bottom, a blunt statement, but until your anchor hits do you finally stop drifting. There’s nothing flattering about my twenties, the bar scene, or the in between. I’d like to bury what I couldn’t burn, but that doesn’t seem to be God’s plan. While life is so much sweeter since I live and breathe faith, I still struggle to hear God. My heart is heavy, my soul is fragile, and my mind can be quite destructive. While I have finally snagged faith in an uncertain, uncalm world I know it is temporary to the foundation my faith truly needs. 

Jen Miller

My name is Jennifer Miller, but I prefer simply Jen. I live in Hawley, MN. It is a small town built along the railroad tracks and surrounded by fields. I married my high school sweetheart in 2005 and we have two little boys, Jack (5) and Grey (3). Motherhood took me by surprise just before my 30th birthday and since then I have been stay at home mom and have loved every minute of the craziness. I am a staff writer for the Hawley Herald and do most the work from home. Being an introvert it took me out of my comfort zone, but so worth it because I love writing. It is something I do every day and it allows me to be home with my boys.

Jesus of the Rock Bottom Rescue

In: Faith, Living
Sad woman sitting on floor

Have you ever hit rock bottom? I have and it was the scariest place I’ve ever been but that’s where I found Jesus. Where I truly encounter the Holy Spirit and the healing power and life He can give. I was raised in a Christian home by good parents that would have given their lives for me. I was raised in the church and loved by my church family. I enjoyed going to church as a child and I loved Jesus my whole life. At the age of 8 years old I asked Jesus into my heart and was baptized....

Keep Reading

While I Wait for Another Door to Open, I’ll Hold One For Someone Else

In: Faith, Living
Woman teaching another woman by computer

I’m waiting for another door. All my life, I’ve been told that when God closes one door, He opens another. And here I am, staring at the imminent end of the business I’ve built from nothing. Closing down what I started up from sheer willpower, too much caffeine, and the bold determination to work for myself. Scratching out what I made from scratch . . . and it feels horrible. God didn’t just close this door. He slammed it shut, boarded the whole thing up, and hammered the nails in where I cannot pry them open. Believe me. I’ve tried....

Keep Reading

Separating Work From Home is a Must For Me

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mom with baby smiling

If I close my eyes and let myself, I can still see the 11-year-old boy with his pale feet sticking out from under the blanket, on his way to the morgue after a gun accident.   If I close my eyes and let myself, I can still see the still, blue form of the 3-month-old who passed away in his sleep. We gave CPR and all the medicines “just in case,” but that baby was gone long before his caregiver brought him in through the door. If I close my eyes and let myself, I can still see the 3-year-old...

Keep Reading

When Teens Are Hard to Love, You Love Them Harder

In: Faith, Motherhood, Teen
Teen boy sitting with hood up

I lay face down on the floor, praying. Praying in the loosest sense of the word. Praying in the Romans 8:26 way—you know, when the Spirit “intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” Because I could not utter any actual coherent thoughts at that point. I was weary and beaten down. Day after day I had been in combat, battling an opponent I didn’t anticipate: one of my children. My own child, one of the people I had lovingly grown inside my body and loved sacrificially for all these years, had staunchly and repeatedly put himself in opposition...

Keep Reading

In This Stage of Marriage, it Feels Like We’re Roommates Who Share the Same Kids

In: Faith, Marriage
Distant couple on phones in bed

How do you get it back? How do you get back the love you once had? Everyone told me marriage was hard and having kids was hard, but I had no idea it would be this hard. I thought everyone was lying because our relationship was solid before marriage. We were best friends. Some days I feel like we’re roommates who share the same kids. It disgusts me even to say that, but it’s the truth. Marriage is hard and has ugly sides to it that everyone seems afraid to talk about. RELATED: Keep Showing Up Even When Marriage is...

Keep Reading

You Are the God of Details, but God These Details Don’t Make Sense

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Window open with shutters

That was not the plan. What just happened in there? We walked out a bit defeated. More than a bit. I felt deflated. Things were supposed to be different by now. This wasn’t what I asked for or expected. This wasn’t even what they told me would happen. We cross the street in silence. Headed to the car and as soon as I shut the car door, I could no longer hold it in. I let the tears flow. All this unknown. I don’t understand. This is life. This is foster care. This is what we chose. That doesn’t make...

Keep Reading

I Am a Good Enough Mom

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother kissing toddler

I came to motherhood knowing nothing about the job. My mother’s example wasn’t an example at all, more of something to forget, and maybe even get therapy for. My own son was the first newborn I’d ever held. When I became a mom, I was 23 and clueless.  Because of my personality, I wanted to do everything right and parenthood was no exception. I read all the books on parenting I could. I talked to older moms and soaked up all the advice they gave me. Having no idea what I was doing made me look to outside sources to inform...

Keep Reading

God’s Plan For Me Wasn’t What I Expected

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman walking with children silhouette

I grew up in a family where we knew who God was. We went to church, and we were involved in church. However, when we weren’t at church, time spent in the Word fell to the wayside. Don’t get me wrong, my parents were wonderful people, but we didn’t make that a priority in my house.  Going into adulthood, I realized I had deceived myself into believing I had a relationship with God. I knew God loved me, but I questioned whether I loved Him. I wasn’t living life in a way that was glorifying to Him. I’m not only...

Keep Reading

But God is Still Good

In: Faith, Living
Woman looking out window

“I can’t afford a new one,” I thought to myself as I shampooed another stain. This can’t keep happening. Maybe I made a mistake. I have to make this last. And the couch. And the clothes. And all the things. We are done having babies. The price of food has doubled. It’s astronomical to fill the cars with gas. Things are closing in on me. How can I best serve my family? Survival mode engaged. When I read the news, when I follow the headlines, when I listen to the conversations around me . . .  I hear fear. Loss....

Keep Reading

Jesus Helps Me Smile Through the Weary Moments of Motherhood

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman holding toddler girl, color photo

“Mom, why aren’t you smiling?” My 4-year-old took one look at my face, and like an open book, she could read me. Sometimes I wish I could hide it better, tucked behind an infinite smile or a pasted-on happy face. Sometimes I wish my beautiful children—so young, free, and fun—wouldn’t see my face on a day like today. RELATED: Motherhood is Hard, But Loving You is the Easiest Thing I’ve Ever Done You see, it’s just so hard—all of it. And I am just so tired. Between working a job, trying to keep up with being a supportive wife and...

Keep Reading

Get our FREE phone wallpaper to encourage you as the new school year begins

It's bittersweet for a mother to watch her child grow—but you both are ready to soar.