By Ashley Ylvisaker 
There are so many different ways couples and even families sleep.
Some are cultural, some are out of necessity, some are for security.
There are those who fit into the societal norm, and those who are a bit unconventional for no other reason than we prefer it, like mine.
That’s right. Today, I want to talk about my sleeping arrangement with my husband.
Spoiler alert: it’s magical!
Grab a drink of your choice, a cozy blanket, and enjoy.
I’m going to preface this by saying this is just a humorous way for me to bring light to different sleeping arrangements. All of this is just my own experience, marriage, and personal opinion.
When in history did we, as the human species, decide to start sharing beds with our significant others?
Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, I do think there was a push for the same bed when department stores started selling bigger beds.
SQUIRREL!
Whoever it was who thought, This is a great idea! Now let’s make the rest of the world aware so everyone thinks you must sleep in the same bed as your spouse or your marriage is in trouble, you can get lost.
My husband and I have found the trick to the most harmonious of marriages and the sweetest of dreams for both.
It comes in the form of us each having our own beds.
We’ve switched over to the old I Love Lucy episodes from the 1950s. Separate beds, but in the same room.
Next to each other, just like Lucy and Ricky.
I’m even the funnier one!
I got lucky and he doesn’t snore, but he is a very large, gangly, Yeti-shaped human. So he takes up a lot of space.
I’m a small person. However, I also take up a lot of space.
That is not the reason for our separate bed situation.
No, that comes from the fact that he tends to fling his long, gangly appendages around like he’s doing the hokey pokey in his sleep.
I’ve had an elbow to the head, I’ve been half laid on—literally like I was just a pillow he was rolling over onto.
The real kicker… pun not intended, but appreciated…
One night, he kicked his leg out so far and hard, he kicked my legs clear off the bed. A Queen-size bed.
Yes, we could have gotten a King. It was discussed.
We have slept in a King together… it was only mildly better.
When I tell you that man is all legs and arms…
Picture Migo from the movie Smallfoot.
We’ve lain next to each other and compared our torso sizes. They are the same.
I am 4’11”. He is 6’1″.
Even a King-size bed wouldn’t help.
I can still hear his leg kick the wall his bed is next to.
And every time I breathe a sigh of relief that it’s the wall and not my legs as I stretch out in my own Full-size bed next to his.
Good sleep = happy marriage.
I’m a light sleeper, so sleeping in separate beds has been something I’ve brought up with everyone I’ve lived with.
I’ve always been met with:
“Absolutely not.”
“What about intimacy?”
“That’s not what happy couples do.”
When I brought it up this time, I was again met with a no.
Society tells us a happily married couple sleeps in the same bed.
That’s the status quo.
Anything outside of the status quo is scary.
Society also has us believing the only time we can be intimate with our partner is in our bed.
I literally once had a therapist say, “The bed should be for two things and two things only. Sex and sleep.”
Instantly lost trust.
I wasn’t speaking about sex.
This was also my first time meeting the man.
I never went back.
Beds are not just for sex and sleep.
I personally am typing this on my laptop on my bed while my husband peacefully sleeps a floor lamp’s distance away.
Intimacy should be spontaneous. You don’t need one shared bed for it.
What about cuddling at night?
That can also happen literally anywhere—even one of our beds.
I personally cannot fall asleep cuddling, so that’s a non-issue.
You get to make the rules for your own relationship.
You can say, “Let’s cuddle for a bit, then go to our own beds.”
What about talking?
We do that a lot in the living room. We’ve had countless check-ins on our couch.
Our beds are next to each other, so we can still talk.
So, how did I “convince” Shermbot to get separate beds?
I told him how I felt, how badly I was sleeping, and asked how he was sleeping.
He took some time and said, “Okay, let’s do it. Let’s get separate beds.”
I immediately got one of my kids’ beds out of her room.
She let me know I’m allowed to borrow it. 🥰
The next day, we were both feeling great. So well rested! It was magic.
From that moment on, we decided this is OUR marriage and WE get to define it.
Some couples prefer separate rooms as well.
This is where our lack of snoring really comes in handy.
Right now, my mattress is just on the floor. It feels like when I was a kid and my best friend had a trundle bed.
We’d pull it out and sleep next to each other.
We’d be up all night giggling, dreaming about our futures.
Now I get to relive that with my literal best friend for life.
We stay up giggling, dreaming about the future.
We have a single lamp between our beds. We each put our glasses on it at the end of the night.
I turn on white noise. He turns off the light.
We say goodnight, chat a bit, then he passes out and I stretch out in my cozy bed before falling asleep.
Another bonus: He’s a morning person. I am a night owl.
He’s up early. I never realize it.
So to wrap it up:
I get peaceful sleep.
He gets to Hokey Pokey through the night.
It’s wonderful.
10/10.
Even he says it’s a game changer.
He’s proven I am safe with him.
Safe to bring my thoughts and ideas to.
He actually listens.
My separate bed proves it.
Originally published on the author’s blog
by Jenny 
by Wendy C 
by Tiffany Nardoni 
