Marriage Means Showing Up Even When We Get it Wrong

Sometimes we miss . . .

We shoot at one another from across the room with Love Arrows that miss in mid-air.

I’m at home all day orchestrating school and laundry and sports practices and dinner plans while attempting to keep the peace between bickering children.

And he’s busting his butt working ridiculously long hours at the hospital.

Sometimes I wonder if he notices I got ALL the laundry done?

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I wonder if he realizes when he walked through the door ALL the children are still alive?

And does he notice the house is still standing???

Usually, by the end of the day, I feel desperate for adult company. And some help around here.

But, wait . . .

Did I notice he worked 12+ hours straight and still picked up milk on his way home from work???

Psheeeeeeew.

Miss.

Psheeeeeeew.

Miss.

We shoot arrows of love and longing and understanding and connection.

We each want to be seen and heard and appreciated and validated.

But so often we miss in mid-air.

Some days it feels like we stumble silently along our own lonely paths. Hoping to be noticed.

But some days . . .

In the middle of a busy workday at 2:21 p.m. he sends me a simple text:

“Grateful for having u by my side. I love u.”

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And I just smile.

(He does this A LOT.)

You see, he knows I’m a word girl.

So, I’m best seen and heard and understood through words. Cards. Conversations. A simple text.

When he got home tonight and after our noisy family dinner, we took turns tucking the kids into bed and kissing everyone goodnight.

Then when the house was quiet, I settled him in front of me on the couch between my knees to rub the knots from his tired neck and shoulders.

Because I know he’s a physical touch kind of guy.

And THAT is marriage.

We get it wrong all the time.

We screw up.

Sometimes we hurt one another’s feelings.

We feel lonely on occasion, too.

But over and over and over again . . .

We show up. We try harder. We put the other one first.

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We NOTICE.

And we do our best to give love and connection and understanding in exactly the way our partner needs to receive it.

Sure, sometimes we miss in mid-air.

But sometimes . . . 

Our Love Arrows land right on target.

Originally published on the author’s Facebook page.