I never thought I’d have a refrigerator like this.

You know . . . the one covered in alphabet magnets and crafts from daycare. I prefer clean lines and organization, minimal chaos puts my mind at ease. I find these bright, bold colors standing out against my overall neutral color scheme.

However, today as I am cleaning my kitchen, I look up at my fridge and take pause. I see this refrigerator every day, and besides noticing an occasionally grimy handle, I honestly don’t pay much attention to it.

RELATED: My House is Clean Enough to be Healthy and Dirty Enough to be Happy

But today it looks different. Today it is reminding me of a time when I was certain I would never be able to have children of my own. A time with cleaner fridge handles and zero safari-themed magnets. 

To be honest, I appreciate when God reminds me of those times because I always prayed He would never let me forget what it took to get here. 

What it took to get to this day when I am scrubbing two-hour-old yogurt crust off of my countertops and picking up multicolored Mega Bloks for the 14th time.

I’ll never forget the joy and celebration followed by crushing news and an inconsolable heart.

Was it supposed to be this hard?  

How many other people go through this?  

Is there anyone out there who understands?  

How can I talk openly about this without making others uncomfortable?

Even in those dark and lonely places, you find a way to move forward and hope for the future. Today, I am so thankful God has given us two healthy, handsome, and hilarious boys. 

RELATED: Dear Husband, Do You Remember When All This Was Just a Dream?

A lot of people say, “I don’t know what my life was before I had kids!”

I do.

It was wonderful and fulfilling. It was fun and spontaneous. It was cleaner and more orderly. There was heartache and longing. There were sad days and happy days and everything in between.

And today my life is still wonderful and fulfilling. There is still fun!

There are still sad days with heartache. That’s life, right?   

Spontaneity may be harder to come by, and things are not as clean as one (ME) might prefer.

RELATED: God is in the Midst of Messy Motherhood

My children are one of the greatest blessings in my life, and the journey to parenthood has been one of the most humbling, eye-opening seasons of my life.  (That’s a story for another time.)

So, even in the middle of mundane daily tasks, I’m so thankful God finds subtle ways to remind me of my many blessings

I never thought I’d have a refrigerator like this . . . but, I’m really glad I do.  

“May I never forget the good things He has done for me” (Psalm 103:2).

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

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Paige Czosnek

Paige Czosnek is a wife, mother, business owner, and writer from a small town in northern Maine.  Her work centers around honest experiences of motherhood, relationships, wellness, and organizing all aspects of life. 

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