So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

I am sitting here crying while I type this. I am hurting and I can’t even pinpoint from what. Rejection. Depression. Divorce. Loneliness. Not quite belonging. Disconnect with God. All the responsibility of being an adult and single parent. Yearning for something. Waiting. Fear. Longing to fit in. It’s all just pouring out of me. I can’t hold it in anymore. 

I am allowing myself to feel the pain. Because feeling the pain is healing the pain. I was never running from it, just holding it at arm’s length away. That wasn’t a good time for me to feel so therefore I won’t. Now it is all crashing down on me. I pray that it washes me clean. 

Depression is a liar. It makes me believe I will never get better, I will never feel joy again. It is lying to me over and over again. I am sitting here sobbing because I know the lies are part of the darkness but I can’t shake them off. They whisper in my ear. I am not worthy. No one wants me. No one cares. 

Divorce is a liar. It makes me believe I am not worthy of love, marriage, belonging. Rejection is a sharp-edged blade in my heart. If a man I desperately loved doesn’t want me, then who will? Divorce placed me in a life I never imagined living. It is lonely and cruel. Taking away my old dreams and giving me new ones, but ones that don’t feel quite real yet. 

Rejection is a liar. It makes me believe this is all my fault. I am the problem. I am unlovable. My big personality, my big heart, my big voice. Parts of me that make me undesirable. There is something wrong with me because people reject me. Me and all that I am. 

Loneliness is a liar. It makes me believe this feeling of being alone is permanent. I will never find another man to share my heart with. I will never have that real connection of belonging. I am doomed to live alone. Loneliness makes me believe I am a burden to my friends and family. They have to put up with me since I am alone. 

Society is a liar. It makes me believe to be happy and successful, I need to be thin, with rock hard abs and a perfect body. I will only move forward by showing perfection and shiny happiness. So I feel guilty when I am sad or having a rough day. I am not grateful enough for the life I have. Others have it way worse than me. Therefore, I should only be thankful and #blessed. 

The devil is a liar. He makes me believe God’s promises are not true. Why would God, who will deliver eternal life and love to me, make me suffer this pain and hurt? Why would God allow my scars to break open and bleed? The devil is using this slight disconnect I am having right now to make it larger. He feels threatened and he works his way in when I am at my weakest. 

Responsibility is a liar. It makes me believe I have to shoulder this all alone. I wanted children. I wanted a good and safe home for them. I want them to have a great school and all that is available to them. Therefore, I am responsible for what I wanted. 

Today, these liars are pouring out of me in tears. It is taking great effort to allow them all out. I feel my strength depleting. Fighting them. Purging myself of them. I am crying all my insecurities, fears, and rejections out. I am sitting in the pain. The hurt is radiating. Stealing my breath. My heart and soul are bleeding out. I let the hot heat of the water pour down on me. I can’t get warm. The cold is burrowed in my bones. I am drained. My head is pounding. My limbs shaky. I am hollow inside. The repercussions of feeling so many emotions at once. 

Yet, there is a feeling of peace upon me. My struggles are not in vain. There is a purpose to this pain. I don’t quite know what that is yet, but I am trusting God. He hasn’t abandoned me so far; therefore, He isn’t going to today. I am still. Sitting. Waiting. Quiet. Motionless. Crying out the lies that flood my brain and heart. Remembering who I belong to. Reminding myself that God defines me. Not depression. Not divorce. Not society. Not liars. 

By the grace of God, I am what I am. 1 Corinthians 15:10

Katie Weber

A momma of 2 young boys whose days are filled with wrestling, running, and noise. A Nebraska native with a love of coffee, the Lord, music, a good romance novel, movies, and dessert. Just trying to figure out single motherhood, to navigate divorce and co-parenting, to live and thrive with depression and anxiety, all the while finding the lovely in this life. Follow along for more at Lovely in the Dark. 

Children Don’t Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger

In: Inspiration, Mental Health, Motherhood
Children Don't Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger www.herviewfromhome.com

“This too shall pass.” As mothers, we cling to these words as we desperately hope to make it past whichever parenting stage currently holds us in its clutches. In the thick of newborn motherhood, through night wakings, constant nursing and finding our place in an unfamiliar world, we long for a future filled with more sleep and less crying. We can’t imagine any child or time being more difficult than right now. Then, a toddler bursts forth, a tornado of energy destroying everything in his wake. We hold our breath as he tests every possible limit and every inch of...

Keep Reading

I Don’t Have Anxiety—But My Husband Does

In: Health, Mental Health, Relationships
I Don't Have Anxiety—But My Husband Does www.herviewfromhome.com

I don’t have anxiety but my husband does.  We should have realized this years ago but we missed it. The realization came suddenly and as soon as it popped in my mind, it came out of my mouth. “You have anxiety.” I said. He looked at me trying to determine if I was joking or serious. “I am serious, you have anxiety.” His eyes left mine and found his phone. He picked it up and said, “Hey Siri, give me the definition of anxiety.” As the virtual assistant read off the definition she may as well have been reading my man’s personality...

Keep Reading

I’m Not Sure How Long I’ll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal…and That’s OK

In: Cancer, Child Loss, Grief, Mental Health
I'm Not Sure How Long I'll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal...and That's OK www.herviewfromhome.com

I tried to wean off of Zoloft and couldn’t. And that’s OK. I had never really been aware of the world of antidepressants. My life has been relatively uneventful—with the normal ups and downs that most of us go through. I knew people on medication for depression but never understood. How can you be THAT sad that you can’t just be positive and make the best of your circumstances? How can someone be THAT unhappy ALL the time to need medication? I didn’t get it. I felt bad for people going through it. Then my 2-year-old was diagnosed with Stage...

Keep Reading

To the Mom With the Anxious Soul

In: Journal, Mental Health, Motherhood
To the Mom With the Anxious Soul www.herviewfromhome.com

I see you, mama. You’re the one sitting alone at the family party. You’re the one hovering a little too close to your sweet babies at the park. You’re the one standing in the bathroom at work for just a moment of quiet. Your thoughts are swirling constantly, faster and more fearful that a “regular” mama. You find yourself spaced out at times, and hyper aware at others. You’ve heard the words “just relax” and “everything is fine” more times than you care to count. Sometimes you wish you could make everyone understand why you are the way you are...

Keep Reading

I Know You’re Exhausted, Mama—But Experts Say You NEED That Momcation

In: Mental Health, Motherhood
I Know You're Exhausted, Mama—But Experts Say You NEED That Momcation www.herviewfromhome.com

I waved as our old blue truck rolled down the road away from where I stood, planted on the sidewalk alone. There I was staring down my first solo stay away from my husband and sons, and the only thought I could muster up was what on Earth was I thinking planning a weekend to myself in the city?  Would my kids be okay without me? More like, would I be OK without them? The answer to both questions was of course, yes, but in that moment I couldn’t help but have doubt because, well, you know—”time off” doesn’t exactly...

Keep Reading

A Morning in the Life of a Mom With Anxiety

In: Child, Journal, Mental Health, Motherhood
A Morning in the Life of a Mom With Anxiety www.herviewfromhome.com

I wake up to the sound of my kids in the kitchen, the morning sun peeping through my window. I immediately cringe at the thought of having to parent today. And why? Because my anxiety and depression is so strong that I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I start thinking about all the things I need to get done, and then I remember that one child has baseball practice for two hours tonight. The other child won’t want to go and will pitch a fit. I roll over to get the sun out of my eyes....

Keep Reading

Our Daughter Hated School; We Finally Discovered Why (and How to Help)

In: Child, Mental Health, School
Our Daughter Hated School; We Finally Discovered Why (and How to Help) www.herviewfromhome.com

I wish we had clued in to our daughter’s generalized anxiety disorder a lot earlier then we did. It’s not for a lack of information available, it’s just that you don’t research it when you believe your child simply hates school. I mean our generation struggled with complicated friendships, PE class, and strict teachers too. Even our great-grandmothers had to survive the “mean girls”. So, our children will make it through, too, right? The problem is sometimes it’s more than just struggling to fit in; it’s a debilitating anxiety that leaves them feeling like they are treading in water over...

Keep Reading

What It Feels Like to Parent With Anxiety

In: Child, Mental Health, Motherhood
What It Feels Like to Parent With Anxiety www.herviewfromhome.com

When my second child was born he wasn’t crying. I immediately sat up in the hospital bed and asked the nurses what was wrong. “He’s fine. Everything’s fine.” But I knew they were lying. A mother knows, and my anxiety-ridden heart was in full-blown panic until I knew my boy was OK. He had swallowed some meconium and turned blue as he struggled to breathe. He had a rough start, but in the end he really was fine. My heart, however, was not. Having anxiety is hard. Having anxiety when you are a mom can be crippling. When you are a mom with...

Keep Reading

To the Husband Whose Wife Has Depression

In: Mental Health, Relationships
To the Husband Whose Wife Has Depression www.herviewfromhome.com

To the husband whose wife has depression,  First of all, it’s already a blessing to your wife that you have chosen her to spend the rest of your life, even eternity, with. Depression is never a battle you’d want to face alone. So having you as her companion, either standing next to her or carrying her in your arms and being that support to her (sometimes, even literally), is a gift she may not always be vocally appreciative of. But trust me, she is deeply and unequivocally grateful for it.  It’s no question that she has her “off” days when...

Keep Reading

Divorce is Not God’s Plan A

In: Faith, Mental Health, Relationships
Divorce is Not God's Plan A www.herviewfromhome.com

Divorce is not God’s Plan A. How can it be? It violently tears apart two people God himself knit together. It rips to shreds the hearts of those who once stared into each other’s eyes and said “I love you”; it makes meaningless the words and promises of lifelong love, commitment and “death alone can part us”. One day there is love. Then, something deeper and stronger takes hold of that love and crushes it until it is dead. For me, that “something” was mental illness. It stole my husband. It destroyed my marriage. He was attending seminary to become...

Keep Reading

5 Secrets to the

BEST Summer Ever!

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Creating simple summer memories

with your kids that will  last a lifetime