Kelly Clarkson’s new album Chemistry is about the arch of her relationship with her husband and their divorce. The first song on the album is called “skip this part.” It begins with her asking if she can skip the heartbreak. She begs to jump over the deep pain that came with her divorce.
The song is haunting and beautiful and says things like, “my heart can’t forget the ache before the mend.” She is honest and vulnerable, admitting she is not sure if she has the strength to get through the pain. She just wants it all to be over, for her to be healed and on the other side already.
During the last few months, that song keeps coming to mind as I think about my own life. I keep asking God if I can skip this part. I’ve struggled mentally and emotionally as a wife and mom, and wonder sometimes how I am going to make it through with a good attitude. I’ve cried in the shower, saying over and over, “I want to skip this part!” It feels awful to say that, but I have had to be honest with myself.
You know how it is, when parenting feels overwhelming and whatever stage your kid is in has you running up the wall. Potty training. School troubles. Sassy attitudes. Diaper blow-outs. Midnight feedings. Painful breastfeeding. Marriage difficulties. A disappointing doctor’s visit. The flu. Constant colds. Teething. Raising kids while processing grief. Financial struggles. Loneliness. Everyone depending on you.
The list could go on forever, and with each stage of our kids’ lives, new battles emerge. It’s tempting to think that once the problem goes away, everything will be fine. “As soon as my child stops . . . as soon as my husband does . . . as soon as I can do . . .” We want to skip this part and move on to the better, the easier, the perfect.
God has taken this season and opened my eyes to His grace even when I want to fast forward and be done with it. He has breathed His patience on my impatient heart and asked me to slow down and take a breather myself. He has revealed the beauty in this messy season.
If I skipped this part, I wouldn’t learn through it. If I ran away, I wouldn’t grow into a more selfless person who cares deeply about the well-being of others. If I skipped this season, I would miss those beautiful, precious moments hidden between the chaos and frustration.
I am so grateful God doesn’t give up on us. When we want to jump to whatever is next, He knows that we need this season to mold us and shape us into better mamas. He knows that is good for our hearts to be squeezed and challenged and pushed sometimes. It’s painful to grow, but the magic happens when we accept our seasons and let God take it for what it is and use it for His good.