I am carried.

This was me earlier today. Before I snapped this shot, I was sobbing. The thing about parenting is, it’s hard. The thing about parenting a child with special needs is, it’s often harder.

This morning I hit my breaking point. My son’s behaviors threw me over the edge. I fell too far.

I called my mom, barely able to catch my breath. I told her I am worried there is no end in sight, worried these things won’t get better for much, much longer. Do you know what she said? “I’m going to book a flight to come out in two weeks.”

I am carried.

I dried my eyes and went to my daughter’s field trip. I felt happy to see her happy. When I got back in the car to go home, the tears started falling again. Because when the flood gates open, it takes some time and strength to force them shut. I walked through the door and noticed our babysitter folded the laundry.

I am carried.

My husband called me. He wants to take our three kids six and under to the soccer fields by himself so I can rest, or work, or go shopping. He knows every few months I hit this point, and without fail he lets me breathe.

I am carried.

I have battled guilt this week over needing help. In a culture where we value self-sufficiency to an extreme, we sometimes forget we were made for relationship; we belong to one another. We are meant to step in for one another, and also let others step in for us. It’s been a rough couple of weeks, fear is high and energy is low. Things will lighten up again, but in the meantime, there is light.

Because I am carried.

Thank you to the carriers.

This post originally appeared on Jillian Benfield


You may also like:

To Those Who Saved Me From Drowning in Motherhood, Thank You

I’m So Grateful For My “Always” Friends

To the Friends Who Stay—Thank You

Jillian Benfield

Jillian Benfield is a military wife, mom of three, and one of her kids rocks an extra chromosome- also known as Down syndrome. When she’s not cruising in her minivan taking kids to different schools or doctor appointments, she’s writing about faith, marriage and parenting on her blog, www.JillianBenfield.com Follow her on Facebook