This is legitimate.

Deep inner lies have told me that it is not. These lies told me it will never be. They told me I am wasting my time. I am an embarrassment. Lies. Deep, Inner Lies.

Today and from now on, I am choosing to combat those. I am choosing to cut those down and not allow them to have any presidency in my thoughts anymore. You see, those lies? They’ve gotten me before. From believing that I am no good, to believing that I cannot accomplish much of anything.

Those lies. They have been with me for so long. When I was just a little girl, they told me that I can’t be like the popular kids. Those lies told me that I will never have a best friend and I will never be truly included in any group of friends. Those lies told me that I will always be lonely.

Growing into a teen those lies told me that I will never be loved. They told me that no man will ever consider me his one and only. They told me that I was ugly both inside and out. Those lies told me that I will always be lonely.

In University? Those lies continued and grew into lies about career choices and marriage and all future plans. Those lies told me that I will never amount to anything.

Then came marriage. The lies didn’t stop. They became about being an unfit wife. They told me that I cannot please my husband, that I cannot be a good wife, and that he will eventually stop loving me. Those lies told me that I am not enough.

Motherhood was next. Those lies are here still. Lies about guilt and not being a fit mother for my girls. Those lies tell me that I can’t do this job, that someone else would be better, that I am doing it all wrong. Those lies tell me that I am not enough.

And now. In my writing. The lies continue. They have told me that my writing is not legit. They tell me that I am not truly a writer. Those lies tell me that this will never amount to anything.

Those lies are not stopping. They will continue until I am old and gray. From stage to stage, journey to journey, those lies will be carried with me.

Those lies? They all have one thing in common. They tell me that I am worthless.

Lies. That is all they are. Where they come from, is far from anything good or worthy or Holy. They are so far from truth it is almost laughable. They mean nothing. Nothing. Those lies? THAT is what is worthless.

Because me? I am worth everything. I am worth everything to the God who tells me I am worth everything. The God who tells me I am loved. Fully loved.

This. This is truth.

Today and from now on, I am choosing to dwell on this truth so that those deep inner lies begin to break away, disappear, and fade into darkness. I must truly believe in the truth and lean on the truth. The truth from Christ; Christ who gives me all my worth. Truth that is breathtakingly beautiful and incredibly freeing. God’s truth.

 

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Esther Vandersluis

Esther is a Canadian writing from Hamilton, Ontario, living in a sea of pink as a girl mom to three. Find her on Facebook (www.facebook.com/beautifulalarm) where you will find writing for stay-at-home moms, moms with littles, sleep-deprived moms, moms feeding babies, and babies with failure to thrive, all under the umbrella of faith in Jesus Christ.

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