Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

Modesty. Can we stop using this word constantly? 

My high school experience was at the height of the “Modest is Hottest” campaign and I suffered for it. I am grateful for the mother who had an incredibly balanced approach but walking into church was a struggle. 

Let’s put a bit of perspective on this situation. I was homeschooled. I was incredibly involved in my church. I wanted to wait to date until I was old enough to actually consider marriage. I was a modest young lady. Nevertheless, I felt criticized walking into church.

The well-meaning ladies, they made glances. Comments were made while shopping with friends. We constantly focused on minimizing our feminine features. Youth leaders would meet with us before retreats and missions trips to remind us to dress appropriately. I struggled getting dressed and was constantly checking to see if my midriff would show or if something was fitting too tightly. It was constantly being drilled into my head that I needed to downplay our femininity and express “inner-beauty” in order to be good, Christian woman. 

It is a fine line. I am not saying that you should not guide your daughter into classy clothing. I’m simply saying, we need to stop body shaming Christian girls for turning into women. 

Middle school is awkward enough. Our bodies are changing and we don’t know exactly what to do. Limbs are growing longer, we are filling out in new places, and we have a lot more to worry about. Adding in an absurd amount of hormone changes doesn’t help either. The last thing you daughter needs is to think that something is sinful about what is happening to her body. 

How can we fix this? I think it starts with our language. My mother always advocated for the precision of language because, as she always said, “Words have meanings.” We need to be more precise when we talk to our daughters about their bodies and the clothing they are choosing to adorn themselves with. Our focus needs to be on what is appropriate to present to the world, not on what we are trying to hide.

Measuring skirt length and tank top straps will not free girls from being objects of lust but it will make them self-conscious. Have open conversations with your daughter. Tell her body is beautiful. Remind her that her feminine features are God-given. He wants her body to be the way it is. Then talk to her about how she wants to present and respect her body. 

One of the women I think of when I think of modesty never let that word pass her lips. In college, our dorm rooms were next to each other and we’d frequently borrow clothes and hop between rooms for fashion advise. She talked about looking professional, about conducting herself in all areas in a respectable manner, and about loving her clothes but never mentioned modesty. To her, her clothing choices were simply a part of decorum. She didn’t use rules, didn’t pass judgement, but she expressed modesty in her behavior as well as her style. 

I’ve seen properly clothed girls cause young men to stumble. Young boys are going through the same hormonally charged changes as women. We do need to make sure we are not intentionally trying to cause them to stumble. But while we walk this path, we need to be equally careful that we are not causing young ladies to stumble as well. Causing them to want to hide their bodies and to blame themselves for another’s sin, that is not honoring the image of God in each and every woman. 

So let’s stop talking about modesty and let’s start focusing on how each and every man and woman on this earth bears the image of an almighty God and was beautifully and wonderfully made. If your daughter understands this, she will walk with strength and dignity (Proverbs 31:17).

You May Also Like: The Bedtime Hoops: 4 Important Questions to Ask Your Kids Every Night

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Bailey Suzio

Bailey Suzio’s journey started out in Michigan, where she grew up as the oldest of 10 (yes, ten) children, and has led her to Hawaii with her husband and their two dogs. She has greatly enjoyed this opportunity to explore the history and culture of the Hawaiian islands. In addition to her love for the Lord and her family, her great passions are coffee and collecting an exorbitant amount of books. Bailey has spent the last few years teaching and working with a local church. She writes at http://thethinplace.net/ about her life, faith, and infertility journey.

I Am a Wrestling Mom

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three young boys with wrestling medals, color photo

As the sun is rising on a frigid winter morning, a brave and determined group of athletes are weighing in at a high school gym. They are physically and mentally preparing for a long day spent at a tournament where they will spend only minutes wrestling, despite the hours they sit and wait all day. Their sport uses offense, defense, and mental strength unlike any other sport. My sons and nephew are wrestlers. They are part of a special team of athletes who work together but compete as individuals.           Their youth team is run by all volunteer coaches with...

Keep Reading

3 Ways to Help Your Firstborn Embrace Becoming a Big Brother

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Pregnant woman holding toddler son, color photo

My oldest son turned four right after his first brother was born. Four years of alone time with his parents. Four years of extra mommy time during the week. Four years of having toys to himself, extra attention from family members, and more. I didn’t plan a four-year age gap; it took our family a lot longer and a lot more help than we expected to have our second son, but age gaps aren’t everything. When my second son was finally on the way, I heard a lot of opinions about how our oldest son would feel once he finally...

Keep Reading

Dear Busy Sports Mom: It’s Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Mom watching soccer game, photo from behind

My daughter stands on the front porch every morning and waves goodbye to me as I pull out of the driveway to go to work.  She is 11, and recently eye-rolling, long sighs, and tears have become more commonplace in our daily interactions. But, there is also this: “Bye! Have a good day!” she calls to me in the quiet of early morning, neighbors not yet awake in their still dark houses. “You are AMAZING! You got this!” she continues in her little adult voice, sounding more like a soccer mom than a fifth grader.   Her hair is still a...

Keep Reading

Goodbye to the Baby Hangers

In: Kids, Motherhood
Shirt hanging from small hanger, color photo

You bought them when you first found out you were pregnant. It may have been one of the first items, actually, to hold all of the precious new clothes. The smallest ones in your household. Do you remember that first newborn onesie you bought? It was one of your favorites. You couldn’t fathom you would soon hold something so small that would fit into that onesie. You washed all of the new clothing in preparation and hung them up in your baby’s closet. You know the item. A miniature version of the ones in your closet. Baby hangers. “Do we...

Keep Reading

Take the Trip, You Won’t Regret It

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood

Two years ago, in the middle of a snowy, windy, Colorado March, my husband and I made the spontaneous decision to road trip to Arizona with our three very young kids.  Even though I was excited, the nerves were so very real. Over the next couple of weeks, I literally lost sleep worrying about the logistics of our trip. My late-night mindless scrolling was replaced by searches like “traveling with toddlers” and “keeping kids entertained on road trips”. We already had our hands full chasing kids at home in a familiar setting. Were we crazy to think we could just...

Keep Reading

They’ll Remember the Love Most of All

In: Kids, Motherhood
Woman with kids from above, pregnant mother with kids hands on belly

You lie in bed at the end of a long day, the events of the day flashing back through your mind. You do this a lot—recap your day as a mama. How did you do? Did you maintain your patience? Did you play enough? Did you limit screen time? Did you yell less today than you did yesterday? You saw a really neat toddler activity in the group you’re a part of on Facebook . . . you should have done that with the kids. They would have loved it. There wasn’t enough time though, and you didn’t have all...

Keep Reading

He’s Slowly Walking Away with Footprints As Big As Mine

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Teen boy walking along beach shore

The true measure of a mother’s love is her willingness to wake up before the sun on vacation. On a recent trip to the shore, my youngest son begged to walk the beach at dawn to look for shells. So, I set my alarm, tumbled out of a warm, king-sized bed with extra squishy pillows, glared at my dead-to-the-world husband, and gently woke my 11-year-old. Without so much as a drop of coffee, we headed out into the morning, the sun still below the ocean horizon. With each step, I shed my zombie-like state and took in the quiet, salt-kissed...

Keep Reading

Dear Son, Raising You Right Is Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood
little boy walking in sunlit field

You were the baby who slept nights. You were the infant who quietly stacked blocks one on top of the other. You were the toddler who watched other kids go down the slide at the park 20 times before attempting it yourself. You were the preschooler who hunkered down quietly and patiently when meeting your grandmother’s chickens. So I assumed you would be a gentle boy. And you are.   And yet, now that you’re eight, I’m beginning to understand the meaning of the phrase, “Boys will be boys.” I had my first inkling that day when you were five...

Keep Reading

Are You Watching?

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood
Little girl playing goalie at soccer practice, color photo

I brought a book to my 7-year-old daughter’s soccer practice. To be honest, I was looking forward to one hour of time when I didn’t have to do anything but sit. No one would be asking me questions, and no one would need anything from me. I wasn’t in charge. So, I set up my lawn chair, got cozy, and opened the book. But then I happened to glance up as it was her turn to run a drill. The coach was passing each kid the ball for them to kick into the goal. She stepped forward, kicked, and made...

Keep Reading

Here’s to the Apraxia Warriors

In: Kids
Smiling little boy, color photo

This one is for my son. My second born. My kind and gentle child. My apraxia warrior. From birth, he’s been my snuggler. The one whose favorite place in the whole world was anywhere near me. The happy baby, joyful toddler, and forever smiling child. The one who’d hide behind me when strangers approached. The one who doesn’t take risks and doesn’t want to try something new easily. The one who won’t make eye contact easily. Perceived by others as shy. But here’s the thing . . . he’s not shy, he’s a warrior!  What you and I take for granted...

Keep Reading