As I sit here and collect my thoughts, it takes every ounce of my being not to wallow in sadness. Sadness, that these last seven months have gone by so fast. Sadness, that so many of your firsts left just as quickly as they arrived. 

Even though your sweet soul hasn’t been earthside for an entire year just yet, I’ve found the phrase, “the days are long but the years are short” has never held more meaning.

Sometimes, it truly feels like there could never possibly be enough hours in a day to accomplish everything we need to be done. Or maybe not enough hands. The day can feel like a never-ending loop in which, more often than I wish to admit, I find myself just mindlessly running through the motions.

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Lately, I’ve been reminiscing a lot. The other day I broke down in tears after reading an article talking about remembering moments, and that’s when it dawned on me . . . 

Our day-to-day adventures are gradually turning into memories right in front of my eyes.

So many lasts are happening without even knowing they are the last. It’s the most bittersweet of feelings. For starters, there’s an ever-present sting of sadness.

Sadness, that your preemie clothing is sorted and all tucked away.

Sadness, that your diet no longer consists only of my breast milk.

Sadness, that you no longer need help holding your bottles.

Sadness, that you don’t fit into my arms as easily as you did before.

Sadness, that you’re already closer to being a toddler than a newborn.

My sweet boy, how time is flying with you.

And even though it breaks my mama heart to see how fast you’re changingyou were born early, tiny, and in distressit also brings me an immense wave of happiness and relief with every milestone you reach.

Happiness, that you’re gaining weight and healthythere’s nothing quite like squishy baby rolls!

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Happiness, to see your love for food and eagerness to try new things.

Happiness, that you’re becoming more self-sufficient and independent.

Happiness, that you’re falling in line with your curve and growing.

Happiness and excitement to see everything you will do and explore.

So, even though I will never stop being sad about your lasts, I will forever be eager and grateful for your firsts.

Elizabeth Musser

Full-time working mama and wife. Animal lover and advocate. Nature enthusiast. Music aficionado.