I’ve had a strong faith for as long as I can remember, but I always felt bad that I never had a “testimony.” I had never gone through something that made me sit back and say, “Wow, God is real, He is here.” I have always felt it to my core, but no moment had ever stopped me dead in my tracks to where there was no denying that it was God. And then, that moment happened to me on December 5.
After five months of fervently praying for a miracle for our daughter, the day came for her heart surgery. It was a day we had been dreading and longing for all at the same time. God’s will for her looked a little different than that miracle we had been praying for, but trust me when I say there was still a miracle in the making.
During those five months, I had been angry and sad—mostly sad. Even with my strongly rooted faith, I still often questioned the situation. Why was this happening to us? Weren’t we good and faithful servants? We had a terrifying delivery, for both my daughter and myself. At 16 days old, she was life-flighted to our closest children’s hospital where she was diagnosed with left-sided superior vena cava. Why us?
I will never forget the doctor coming in and saying, “This will require open heart surgery within the next 3-6 months.” Open heart surgery?!?! “Open heart surgery” is all I heard in that first conversation. Did he really just say what I think he did? My baby? My newborn baby girl has to have open heart surgery?
Some time within those five months, I had a realization that even though she was my baby, she was His child. No one could love her more than God loves her. Why was I letting fear lead me in this season? I had faith that we serve a good Father. Why would He leave me now? He wouldn’t, and he didn’t.
This situation was testing my faith, but once I came to that realization, it changed my entire perspective. God gives us these beautiful miracles to raise until we are called home. Our biggest fear with our daughter was that she wouldn’t come back to us after her surgery. I vividly remember asking those doctors to bring my baby back to me. Although losing her is something I could not fathom, I felt a peace wash over me . . . because she is His child. She is not mine. He gave her to us to raise and love. What an honor it is that He felt we were fit for such a time as this.
Back to the surgery day. This is the prayer that I had shared going into surgery, “Our prayer now is that God is in the room today, that He works through the capable hands fixing our baby’s heart, that He is with our daughter and gives her a comfort that only he can.”
When I say we have no doubt He was in the room that day, I have zero doubt. We were told to prepare for the surgery to begin in the morning and last until 2:00 in the afternoon. I knew those seven hours would be the longest seven hours of my life. We were blessed to get calls from the nurse every so often so we were updated within the process. With each call my heart dropped, and I sobbed.
She has been put under . . . They’ve made the first incision . . . She is getting ready to go on bypass. . . They are finishing up and she is okay . . . The surgeons will be ready to talk to you in 30 minutes.
That last call we received was at 9:50. My mind was racing. How were they done? They told us to expect another four hours. Did everyone else hear what I did? She is okay? Was there a complication?
There were no complications, but there was God. My husband and I walked over to the hospital, still in complete disbelief. We waited on the surgeon, he came in completely somber, and I immediately asked, “Is she okay?”
“She is, there were no complications, but we did find something unexpected,” answered the doctor. Our daughter had multiple pre-op tests, but nothing showed them this very viable vessel. Finding this vessel meant they no longer had to do the procedure they had planned, and they could use her own vessel. My husband and I looked at each other and knew . . . it was God. Because of finding the vessel, she only had to be put on bypass for 10 minutes to fix the hole in her heart, completely separate from her CHD.
I could not believe what they told us until we finally were able to see her an hour and a half later. There she was. She was okay, and her O2 sats were 100% without any assistance. What a miracle baby she is, and what a faithful God we serve. We will never stop thanking Him for this blessing and for showing up for our daughter in a big way. Thank you, God!