It’s been 14 years since I’ve seen you last. I have to admit I was nervous before I encountered you again. I actually threw up the morning of your arrival and the whole entire day, I was praying that I could keep it together.

Then you came to my house and I actually didn’t even realize you were there. When you saw me you basically gave me an “attack hug.” You know, a hug that came out of the blue as if we were best buds who hadn’t seen each other in a really long time. Truly, we didn’t see each other in a long time, but friends? Nope. We are not friends.

It was your choice actually because over the last 16+ years I offered my friendship many times. I always thought it would be so much easier if we all could just get along. But you just ignored me, like you ignore just about everybody and everything you don’t like or don’t want to deal with.

So back to the attack hug and the small talk that followed after – it was a little awkward and I am still trying to figure out if you were fake or if you meant what you said.

As a reminder, here’s what you said to me:

  1. “Thank you for taking care of her” and
  2. “If I could choose a mother for her I’d choose you” and
  3. “I’m so proud to be one of two mommys.”

And here’s why I am still thinking about it:

  1. She is my daughter. Of course I would take care of her. She’s not a burden to me.
  2. She is my child. I’d give my life for her.
  3. I chose to be her mother. You did not choose me. 

You grew her in your belly and gave birth to her. Since then you were busy with yourself and your life. You took her away from me because you felt in your heart it was the right thing to do only to not notice that she attempted to kill herself because she was so lonely. She begged me to take her back and since then you basically checked out as a parent.

Wait! I think you never checked in as a parent. Not for her at least.

So you see why I am having a hard time believing you meant what you said! I really hope there is indeed a heart in there in your tiny body somewhere, because there is a lot of life left to live and it could be an amazing journey – one that we all share because we share her… forever.

Getting pregnant, pregnancy itself, labor and delivery weren’t easy for me and you honestly did me a solid growing her in your belly and birthing her in a jiffy.

Hence, I am going to assume you were sincere.

Therefore, from the bottom of my heart: thank you for my daughter. Thank you for knowing that you couldn’t do what I did and be who I am. Thank you for letting me finish raise her. Thank you for thanking me. It was my honor and will forever be some of the proudest accomplishments in my life.

However, you forgot to thank my better half. I know you hate him, but know that I couldn’t have done it without him. He was the strong one, the enforcer, the strict one, and the iron fist when we needed it, as well as the gentle soul when he could be. He and his rules are the reason why she graduated with honors. He is the reason she’s still here today. I know you can’t acknowledge that, but know this: he is also part of her life – forever.

So from this point forward, I hope you will not miss the rest of her life and you will make a true effort because you know we are not enemies, and if you are honest, sincere, caring, and fair there is a chance we can get along and who knows maybe even become friends?

Nina Leicht-Crist

Nina Leicht-Crist was born and raised in Southern Germany. Midwifery has been a lifelong passion, though after a long agonizing battle with (in)fertility, she quit working in prenatal and maternity care to pursue a career in writing and translating from home, so she could stay at home and raise her miracle babies. In 2017 Nina self-published an autobiography titled "Love, Faith & Infertility - a story of hope and special forces" hoping it would give someone the strength to keep going on their path to parenthood. It is available on Amazon.