Dear friend who is suffering from infertility. I know the pain you are in. I know the ache of empty arms while friends all around have their hands full with their little blessings. The emotional roller coaster you go through on a monthly basis is not lost on me. You have hope that this will be the month. Then just like that, in one trip to the bathroom, your hopes and dreams are dashed once again.

I know the pain of having to decline yet another baby shower invitation because it just hurts too much to go. And your one friend who was childless along with you for a while…now she is pregnant, and you feel all alone. It’s hard to maintain friendships because most of your friends have kids. You just don’t seem to connect with them anymore.

Some of those friends might even tell you to enjoy your time of being child-free. They proceed to tell you all the horrible things that come along with parenting. That doesn’t make you feel any better either. It just makes you think “They don’t even want their kids. Why, God, did you give them kids and not me?”

Friends and family try to encourage you by telling you, “It’ll happen someday” or “God has a plan,” but they just seem like empty words. You know they can’t really promise you that it will happen someday. And while you may understand and truly believe that God does indeed have a plan, the constant reminder can feel like a slap in the face. Sometimes you just want to be able to grieve the loss without having to think about why God planned it this way.

I know your pain because I’ve been there. It was six long years of hoping, waiting, medical tests and interventions, and disappointment after disappointment before I finally held my baby girl in my arms. It was so much different than I had imagined. She didn’t come from my womb, but she filled my heart.

I understand the pain you are in, sweet friend, and I don’t want to be one of those ones who offers you empty hope. But there is hope. His Name is Jesus, and I invite you to run to Him, cling to Him, during this difficult time. I don’t know what your future holds. I don’t know whether it will be filled with the pitter patter of little feet or not, but I do know this. There is One who loves you infinitely more than you can imagine. He holds you in the palm of His hand, and He has seen every tear you have cried. The Bible tells us that He collects all of our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). He is there to listen to you when you’re angry and sad. He doesn’t mind if you grieve or if you get mad at Him. He will lovingly wrap His arms around you and give you the strength to keep going. So, when the ache of empty arms becomes too much to bear, reach out to Him and allow Him to carry you.

Heavenly Father, you see the ones who ache because their arms are empty. You have amazing plans for them, but right now they just need to feel your arms around them. They need to feel your peace and your presence. I ask that you would give them the desires of their hearts(Psalm 37:4). Bring fulfillment to their lives in whatever they are doing now. Bring them friends who will stay by their side through the journey, no matter how difficult it is. Give them wisdom and discernment as they seek medical intervention or adoption. Help them to know when to hold on to the dream and when to let go! Most of all, just help them to know and feel you there with them every step of the way. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

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Michelle Armbrust

Married to Brian for 16 years, mother to Bella(8) and Isaiah(6) and most importantly, daughter of the Most High King, Michelle desires to live out her faith in a way that attracts people to Jesus and inspires them to get into God's Word. She longs to see women embrace their identity in Christ and follow Him with passion. For fun and relaxation, she loves reading, playing games with her family and hanging out with friends.

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