The Baby Days Are Gone for Now

It turns out that baby fever is not limited to spring chickens with spry ovaries. The desire to inhale a baby’s sweet scent does not end when you have given birth to your last baby, and it certainly does not lessen when you send your last baby off to kindergarten.

My family has been complete for nearly a decade, and yet, I have found myself in the throes of major baby fever since about the time that the younger than me soccer moms have been flaunting their second and third baby baby-bumps. Even though five kids are more than enough, accepting the fact that I am getting older and my baby-swaddling days are over has been a bitter pill to swallow.

I have hit that in-between stage where a bystander would not blatantly refer to me as old but also the gas station clerk would not card me if I walked up to the register with a bottle of $7 wine. I am turning 40 any second, and the baby of our family is so close to tween-dom that I forgot what it is like to have a living room lined with Fisher Price toys and curdled milk bottles missing under couch cushions. Lately, I spend more time at soccer fields than in rocking chairs, and I am finding that my presence is more often requested at retirement parties than at baby showers.

It may be bizarre that this transition is weighing heavy on my heart and consuming my thoughts when my oldest has yet to graduate high school, but I am closer to the age of my own mother when I made her a grandmother than I am to that of my newlywed self. That fact is sobering . . . and thought-provoking.

My mind cannot help but wander and wonder where the next phase of this mothering journey will lead me, and more specifically, how my role as a mother will evolve. I suppose, if I am lucky, the next phase of my journey within the universe will be that of a grandma.

That proposition makes the end of the baby era seem less like an ending and more like a beginning. They say that when a baby is born so is a mother, and I can only imagine that the same is true of grandmothers when their baby has a baby. Grandmas seem to be able to soak up the magic of babies without the constant worry of raising them.

They don’t have the stressors of trying to figure out how to navigate work schedules and sports schedules. They do not have to figure out how to pump at work without interruption and try to squeeze in a diaper run before daycare closes. They can swoop in for a picnic lunch at the park without the all-consuming how am I going to make it to bedtime? exhaustion. Grandmas don’t seem to be saddled with endless sleep interruptions while trying to be a functioning human the following day. But grandmas can be there.

I have been watching my mom and mother-in-law embrace the role of grandma, and from what I can tell, it is the best of both worlds. They get to be love-givers and gap-fillers—and that is the kind of grandma I want to be.

I’ll be there for my own children so they can be there for theirs. I’ll be there so that sick child days are not parent stressor days. I’ll be there so they won’t have to choose between child care and income.

I’ll be there so laundry won’t pile up and the dishes won’t overwhelm. I’ll be there to bring a random meal on a random day of the week because I know what a relief it is to have a get-out-of-jail-free card at mealtime.

I’ll be there as the stress reliever and rest promoter. I’ll be there as the encouraging cheerleader and voice of reassurance.

I’ll be that grandma—like the grandma my kids have had.

My baby-making days may be over and the driving all over town without actually going anywhere days may be winding down, but my being there for my children is just beginning. One day, if the stars align, I will be gifted with the role of grandma. And from what I hear, that is the role of a lifetime.

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Sara Springer

Sara Springer has spent the last two decades supervising the chaos she has created. She is a midwest mom of five and Adult Nurse Practitioner who has battled depression and anxiety for the better part of 30 years. She is now a mental health advocate pursuing her writing dreams. She writes about maintaining mental wellness in parenting, marriage, and online spaces. She is co-founder of the mental health focused non-profit Love Will Foundation, a yoga enthusiast, and a staunch practitioner of sarcasm. Her work has been featured on multiple sites including Her View From Home, Scary Mommy, and The Mighty. Her first book, ‘Was I Not Supposed to Say That?’ is now available at online retailers and select stores.