Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

I’m worried that I won’t remember. Peter leaves for LA in 2 and a half weeks and I’m worried I won’t remember all of the little things about having him as my son. I have an absolutely terrible memory, always have. It has its good points. I rarely hold a grudge because I generally don’t remember what heinous wrong was perpetrated in the first place. I don’t stress about getting things done, about lists of endless chores, because I find it impossible to carry it all around with me, all the time. I do things as I remember to do them, sometimes a little bit late, and guess what? Hardly any horrible consequences have occurred as a result! …but not my baby boy…I don’t want to forget a single thing about the past 18 years that I’ve gotten to be his Mom…every single day… 

The worst part is how endless so many of these precious days seemed at the time. Running after 4 kids and trying to keep hold of who I was amidst the 4 emerging personalities that were quite literally on top of me each and every day. I have been the center of their worlds. What an unbelievably exhausting role…and what an unappreciable privilege. It’s really too bad that no matter how many people told me, I was incapable of seeing how one day it would be over.

I have 4 more years until Jake & Luke will head off into the world and just one year later, Hannah will pack up the car and head off on her next great adventure. The confusing part is that this is 100%, exactly what is supposed to happen. This is the goal, and I will thank the good Lord every day if and when each of them make it to this moment. This is also the moment that all those years of selfless parenting turns inward and I become selfish and unbearably sad that the most difficult, exhausting, often thankless job I have, and will ever have, is over. Because in addition to difficult, exhausting, and thankless, this job is rewarding, joyful, oftentimes hilarious, and most of all, it fully encompasses my identity. Peter, Jake, Luke, and Hannah’s Mom is who I am, and I like it that way. I remember the first time someone referred to me as Peter’s Mom instead of Mindy. It was the strangest feeling. I was immediately aware of the shift taking place, and I loved it. 

I’m aware that there are those who are terribly conscious of retaining a piece of themselves only for them, to preserve their identity, in many instances to avoid this very moment. No one who knows me would accuse me of being all about my kids. I love my husband, I have solid, wonderful friendships, and I’ve rarely passed up the opportunity for a quick massage, a few days away with my cousins, or a happy hour with friends. Some call it balance. Yes, I think I have a certain amount of balance. …but now I lay awake in bed at night in a panic…that it’s all going to be over…and I missed it. Of course I love our kids, but I also really like them. They’re the people I’d choose to be with if I were stranded on a desert island. It’s one of the greatest parts of raising kids that I’d never thought of. These kids have all of Pete’s and my best qualities, also some of our worst. They’re familiar to me in a way no one else ever will be.

I detest change. I’m fully aware that my job description includes letting go, and I’ve talked a big game. You have to let your kids go and explore the world. You have to let them make mistakes and take risks. You have to let them make their lives outside of you. I know this. I just didn’t know how much it would hurt. I didn’t know how much I’d given each of them of myself and how hard it would be to let those pieces walk out the door. I’m fully aware that my job will never be over, that my kids will always be my kids. I’m fully aware that I’ll hopefully be a Grandma one day and the joy of watching my kids raise their kids will be overwhelming. I’m so excited to see who they become. I know we’ve done the best we can for them.

But for now, as I pack for Peter, my first baby, who’s been my right hand since the first moment he held onto mine, I just want to remember. I want to remember every single minute.

*This article was originally published on Facebook

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Mindy Humphrey

My name is Mindy Humphrey. I'm the mom of 4 kids, Peter 18, Jake & Luke 15, and Hannah 13. My husband Pete and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this October. 

Dear Child, You Are Not Responsible for How Anyone Else Feels about You

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Teen girl looking in the mirror putting on earrings

Dear kiddo, I have so many dreams for you. A million hopes and desires run through my mind every day on a never-ending loop, along with worries and fears, and so, so much prayer. Sometimes, it feels like my happiness is tied with ropes of steel to yours. And yet, the truth is, there are times you disappoint me. You will continue to disappoint me as you grow and make your own choices and take different paths than the ones I have imagined for you. But I’m going to tell you a secret (although I suspect you already know): My...

Keep Reading

Being a Hands-on Dad Matters

In: Kids, Living
Dad playing with little girl on floor

I am a hands-on dad. I take pride in spending time with my kids. Last week I took my toddler to the park. He’s two and has recently outgrown peek-a-boo, but nothing gets him laughing like him seeing me pop into the slide to scare him as he goes down. He grew to like this so much that he actually would not go down the slide unless he saw me in his range of vision going down. When it’s time to walk in the parking lot he knows to hold my hand, and he grabs my hand instinctively when he needs help...

Keep Reading

5 Kids in the Bible Who Will Inspire Yours

In: Faith, Kids
Little girl reading from Bible

Gathering my kids for morning Bible study has become our family’s cornerstone, a time not just for spiritual growth but for real, hearty conversations about life, courage, and making a difference. It’s not perfect, but it’s ours. My oldest, who’s 11, is at that age where he’s just beginning to understand the weight of his actions and decisions. He’s eager, yet unsure, about his ability to influence his world. It’s a big deal for him, and frankly, for me too. I want him to know, deeply know, that his choices matter, that he can be a force for good, just...

Keep Reading

A Mother’s Love is the Best Medicine

In: Kids, Motherhood
Child lying on couch under blankets, color photo

When my kids are sick, I watch them sleep and see every age they have ever been at once. The sleepless nights with a fussy toddler, the too-hot cheeks of a baby against my own skin, the clean-up duty with my husband at 3 a.m., every restless moment floods my thoughts. I can almost feel the rocking—so much rocking—and hear myself singing the same lullaby until my voice became nothing but a whisper. I can still smell the pink antibiotics in a tiny syringe. Although my babies are now six and nine years old, the minute that fever spikes, they...

Keep Reading

Right Now I’m a Mom Who’s Not Ready to Let Go

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and daughter hugging, color photo

We’re doing it. We’re applying, touring, and submitting pre-school applications. It feels a lot like my college application days, and there’s this image in my mind of how fast that day will come with my sweet girl once she enters the school doors. It’s a bizarre place to be because if I’m honest, I know it’s time to let her go, but my heart is screaming, “I’m not ready yet!” She’s four now though. Four years have flown by, and I don’t know how it happened. She can put her own clothes on and take herself to the bathroom. She...

Keep Reading

Each Child You Raise is Unique

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three little boys under a blanket, black-and-white photo

The hardest part about raising children? Well, there’s a lot, but to me, one major thing is that they are all completely different than one another. Nothing is the same. Like anything. Ever. Your first comes and you basically grow up with them, you learn through your mistakes as well as your triumphs. They go to all the parties with you, restaurants, sporting events, traveling—they just fit into your life. You learn the dos and don’ts, but your life doesn’t change as much as you thought. You start to think Wow! This was easy, let’s have another. RELATED: Isn’t Parenting...

Keep Reading

Our Kids Need Us as Much as We Need Them

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy sitting on bench with dog nearby, color photo

During a moment of sadness last week, my lively and joyful toddler voluntarily sat with me on the couch, holding hands and snuggling for a good hour. This brought comfort and happiness to the situation. At that moment, I realized sometimes our kids need us, sometimes we need them, and sometimes we need each other at the same time. Kids need us. From the moment they enter the world, infants express their needs through tiny (or loud) cries. Toddlers need lots of cuddling as their brains try to comprehend black, white, and all the colors of the expanding world around...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

This Time In the Passenger Seat is Precious

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen
Teen driver with parent in passenger seat

When you’re parenting preteens and teens, it sometimes feels like you are an unpaid Uber driver. It can be a thankless job. During busy seasons, I spend 80 percent of my evenings driving, parking, dropping off, picking up, sitting in traffic, running errands, waiting in drive-thru lines. I say things like buckle your seat belt, turn that music down a little bit, take your trash inside, stop yelling—we are in the car, keep your hands to yourself, don’t make me turn this car around, get your feet off the back of the seat, this car is not a trash can,...

Keep Reading

So God Made My Daughter a Wrestler

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young female wrestler wearing mouth guard and wrestling singlet

God made my girl a wrestler. Gosh, those are words I would never have thought I would say or be so insanely proud to share with you. But I am. I know with 100 percent certainty and overwhelming pride that God made my girl a wrestler. But it’s been a journey. Probably one that started in the spring of 2010 when I was pregnant with my first baby and having the 20-week anatomy ultrasound. I remember hearing the word “girl” and squealing. I was over the moon excited—all I could think about were hair bows and cute outfits. And so...

Keep Reading