As I reflect on the infertility journey that we’ve been on over the last year and a half, my mindset has shifted. Fear was the first emotion I can remember feeling around the struggles of getting pregnant. Soon after, anger and frustration made its way in to my heart and has been hanging around for too long. Why was I being punished by this burden? Just recently, though, God replaced that anger with gratitude. Being grateful for these trials was the last thing I ever expected to feel, but I’ve begun to see the blessings in this burden.
Our pastor recently said, “The human part of you is what connects you to others, it’s the reason God became a human.” How powerful is that concept? We all just want to be heard and feel connected, and I now see that the virtues I’m learning through infertility will allow me to be more and give more to our future child than I ever imagined.
When our child hasn’t mastered the practice of patience, I’ll tell them how long we waited for them. When our child is lacking courage, I’ll tell them how many times we felt afraid during this journey, but pushed forward anyway. When our child wants to give up on their hopes and dreams, I’ll tell them how we were always sure that they were worth fighting for. When our child doesn’t think they can face one more failure, I’ll tell them that perseverance through each failure is an opportunity to learn and grow. When our child struggles with generosity, I’ll share all the stories of all the people who had been so gracious to us while we waited for their existence. When our child loses faith in God, I’ll show them how God remains faithful and answers our prayers. When our child is filled with pride, I’ll remind them of how humbling it was every month when God showed us that it wasn’t time yet. When our child doesn’t understand compassion, I’ll tell them of all the people around us who are struggling with something that we might not be able to see on the outside. When our child is in pain, I’ll tell them how the greatest pain can bring the biggest blessings. And most importantly, when our child doesn’t feel loved, I’ll come to them with stories of patience, hope, courage, perseverance, faith, generosity, humility, compassion, and pain that will show them how much love we’ve had for them, long before they were even created. We’ll tell them how much love God has for them, so much love that He asked their parents to wait a little bit longer to meet them, to be sure they were ready.
I’ve never been a parent, but when I think about having a child, the word that always comes to mind is sacrifice. Infertility has taught me how to sacrifice for our child, and I will be forever grateful that God chose me for this journey. He chose to do a little more work in us. He’s not punishing, He’s teaching, and I can’t think of anyone better to prepare us to sacrifice for our children than the one who sacrificed everything for us.
If you’re struggling with infertility, you are not alone. God’s not hiding, He didn’t leave you – He’s working.