By Caitlin Van Hefty 
A mother’s mental load can be so overwhelming. The to-do list is never-ending. Booking the appointments, packing the backpacks, planning the birthday parties, researching the correct vitamins. We love our children and want to do what’s best for them. But we also need 20 more hours a day to accomplish it all.
And when you’re a food allergy mom, this mental load can be downright crushing at times. On top of all the standard tasks on the list, there is a priority always staring back at me in large bold print: Keep my child safe.
Both of my sons have multiple food allergies. Some are mild, others severe. Some they may grow out of, others will likely remain for their entire lives. Naturally, they are not allergic to the same things. That would be too easy. So we are constantly fumbling with the ongoing puzzle of meal planning to find options that work for both of them. One of the worst offenders is flaxseed. Yes, one can be allergic to flaxseed. Turns out, one can be highly allergic to flaxseed. We found that out after a terrifying ER visit on a random Monday night after my 15-month-old guzzled down a toddler smoothie pouch. Little did we know, flaxseed is the #1 most hidden “superfood” ingredient in tons of healthy snacks.
For the past four years, we’ve never left the house without a handful of EpiPens and Benadryl. After two episodes of near-anaphylactic reactions in our kitchen, we have become hypervigilant. It’s become routine to have complete control over what my kids ingest, when they ingest it, and where to access the extremely detailed emergency plan of what to do if something goes awry.
Yes, the mental load of being an allergy mom means so many things.
It means calling restaurants days in advance to inquire if the bread they use for their grilled cheese may contain eggs (because sometimes those fancy breads do).
It means tucking allergy-friendly cookies into my purse for parties, so my kid can enjoy a treat in place of monster truck cupcakes.
It means choosing vacation accommodations only if there’s a full kitchen to cook in, as we don’t have the luxury of strolling into a cute mom-and-pop diner that lacks an official laminated list of ingredients.
It means scoping out grocery stores while I write our travel itineraries so we can be sure to shop somewhere with certified safe brands of their favorite foods.
It means kindly confiscating over half a bag of Halloween candy after they come back from trick-or-treating each year.
It means having fruit snacks and Hot Wheels cars on hand to swap out for their unsafe treats, so we can still end the night with smiles and fun.
It means teaching self-advocacy from a very young age, rehearsing the scripts for them to use in various situations: Does this have peanuts or eggs? I’ll need to ask my parents first. No thanks, I only eat from my own lunch box.
It means communicating with practiced precision, sending out long texts in advance of a gathering to remind the hosts of what to avoid serving and how to accommodate our family’s needs.
It means scanning labels until my eyes go blurry—double-checking, then triple-checking, just in case.
And it means a fresh wave of anxiety with each and every new experience that could pose a risk: first day of school, first field trip, first sleepover, first airplane ride.
Yes, the mental load of a food allergy mom can be a lot. At times, it is frustrating. At times, it is aggravating. At times, it is lonely. At times, it is empowering. It forces us to be organized, assertive, compassionate, and strong. It is a daily reminder that, like all parents, we let nothing stand in the way of keeping our children safe.
That, above all, is at the top of our list.
by Vanessa Colangelo 
