Dear husband, let me introduce you to your wife, insomnia edition. You see me not sleeping. You see me “playing” on my phone. Here’s what my brain is actually doing . . . 

It’s 2 a.m., I wake up thinking, “I need to make an appointment” (it can be as mundane and stupid as a haircut or more importantly, a specialist appointment for one of the kids). I try to go back to sleep, promising myself I will remember. Lying there, I tell myself I won’t forget. I will remember, don’t worry.

Fifteen minutes go by . . . On a good night, I grab my notebook and pen from my nightstand, write it down, and my brain knows the thought is out, and I can fall back asleep . . . right after I put my earbuds in and put on a show to drown out the noise of any other thoughts that may pop up. Phew, that was a close one. Hopefully, that’s all for tonight.

On a bad night, when my anxiety is sky-high, when my brain will not shut off, and it’s 2 a.m., and I wake up thinking, “I need to make an appointment,” I try to go back to sleep, promising myself I will remember, lying there, telling myself I won’t forget. I will remember, don’t worry.

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Fifteen minutes go by . . . I finally grab my notebook and pen from my nightstand, write it down, and my brain knows the thought is out, and I can fall back asleep, right after I put my earbuds in and put on a show to drown out the noise of any other thoughts that may pop up.

Ten minutes later . . . The noise hasn’t stopped. The show/music/white noise isn’t helping. I need to remember to make the appointment for P. I grab my phone and send myself an email to make the appointment tomorrow. Okay, if I forget, it’s all good, I have my email to remind me.

Oh crap, they weren’t able to make R’s follow-up appointment when we left his last time. Did I remember to schedule that? I need to do that. Thinking about R, his mole. When are the kids due for their yearly skin checks? I forget when it was that we last went. What season at least? Maybe they’re due? Thinking about yearly appointments, is it too early to schedule their eye exams?

Open email I already sent about P’s appointment and add the dermatologist and the eye doctor to my list.

Ugh, what if P needs glasses? She’s such a tornado, she’s gonna lose them in the first week. Could that be why she writes some of her letters backward? Or is this just normal for this age? I forget. I should check.

Open the last email and add this to the list and resend it. To myself. So I won’t forget. Maybe I should just open a tab, google it real quick and screenshot the search so I see it in my photos, or when I open my browser and it’s already there, I just have to click one of the links.

Um, why do I have 103 open tabs? What have I forgotten within these? Scroll up to take a quick glance to make sure it’s nothing important. Wow, there are like eight recipes I wanted to make a while back, and I forgot. I’ll just airdrop them to the printer, that way I have a hard copy, and I will remember that. But just in case they don’t print for some reason, I’ll just keep those tabs. Still 103 open tabs, and now I’m updating the email (fourth time) with a quick grocery list for these so I will have everything I need; we’ll try this one tomorrow.

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I’ll delete the previous three emails, I have my updated list. And I have 352 unread emails, I don’t need to add to that. Who has that many unread emails? I need to delete some quick, that’s obnoxious. I should unsubscribe to this one (mailing list, how did I get on it?) if I just unsubscribe quick, I won’t get any more, and I won’t have so many unread emails. There’s an email from the Target mailing list. Some sale for sure. Delete.

I should just do a Target pickup tomorrow. Between work, school pickup, and . . . P/R will throw a fit when they have to get ready and go. Even though once they are there, they have fun and actually love it, they just hate the going part. I’m so tired. I’m not gonna have the energy or the patience to deal with that tomorrow (err . . . today, I guess, since it’s 2:45 a.m.).

Keeping their schedule is important. If we skip, they’re constantly going to keep asking to skip again. It’s gonna be even more of a pain. Plus, it gets them moving, gets the energy out, and it’s good for them.

I really need to fall back asleep. I have to be up in three hours. I’ll sleep right after I put these groceries in my Target cart for tomorrow. Oh, and don’t forget the . . . (And yes, I emailed this to myself so I wouldn’t forget.)