For a non-preferential people-pleaser, decisions don’t always (almost never) come easy to me. To those who know me well, this is not a shock. Whether deciding which bagel to enjoy at Panera or where in the world to live, I deliberate. Back and forth. This or that? What is best?
These words describe my style of decision-making. I tend to pass the buck. I’d rather the choice be on someone else’s plate. See, I can make decisions. I decide that you will decide.
But why do I describe myself as indecisive? Do I fear choosing the wrong thing? Do I panic at the thought of regret? Do I want someone else to choose so I escape blame if it doesn’t work out? Do I place higher importance on what other people think of me than on what I want? Am I not willing to carry the consequences of my choices?
And then for those of us who call ourselves “Christians,” there are additional components to making decisions – God’s wisdom and faith. How much of our decision is God’s and how much is ours? How much weight do we give to our preferences? Should we consider them or deny them? Does rational sense always make the most sense? Or can non-sense make sense?
It seems whenever I’m at a crossroads or transition in my life, I re-question and rediscover God’s will. What is God’s will? Is it a large pasture with a wooden fence surrounding it? Where there is space and freedom within boundaries. I see the cattle grazing peacefully, feeling safe and content. Or is it a target with a bullseye? Where I either nail it or I don’t. I see a man aiming his drawn back arrow at the target, with intense eyes and sweat beading his brow.
And so here I am, at a crossroads. My husband and I returned from Ghana four months ago to have our baby boy (he’s such a little buddy!). From here we could go right. We could go left. We could go down the minimum maintenance road. So scary. So exciting. So full of potential.
And we throw up our hands as we look up.