I’ve been in this motherless daughter club for over a decade now. Most of the time, that still seems strange to say out loud. I’m far from the firsts without my mom. However, what I have learned, is that there are certain experiences, certain days, and certain moments that you can’t put a timeframe on. These are the times that hurt for so much longer than just that initial grief period.

Big moments without my mom—anniversaries, birthdays, special days—but the one I like to believe weighs the most and hits the hardest year after year is Mother’s Day.

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Regardless of how much time passes and how many of these awful days I have experienced, this day continues to hurt just as much. It’s a day of feeling out of place. It’s a day of watching everyone around you dedicate their day to the person you so deeply wish could still be part of your life. It’s a day of avoidance because no place feels like a comforting place to land.

It’s the loads of emails and advertisements in every store that mime as well flash a sign saying, “Your mom is dead.” It’s reminders everywhere we look that our mom isn’t here, and our reality is so far from the norm for someone our age.

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So, for me, time hasn’t made this day any easier. Time hasn’t made me want any less to crawl in bed with my favorite snack and a comfort show, escaping the world until it all goes back to normal tomorrow. Time hasn’t made me feel any less like an outcast, telling me that I am living in a world so few people in my life are able to understand.

Time doesn’t make Mother’s Day hurt any less. And time certainly doesn’t make me forget the fact that I had the best mom in the world and that our time got cut way too short.