I’ve been in this motherless daughter club for over a decade now. Most of the time, that still seems strange to say out loud. I’m far from the firsts without my mom. However, what I have learned, is that there are certain experiences, certain days, and certain moments that you can’t put a timeframe on. These are the times that hurt for so much longer than just that initial grief period.
Big moments without my mom—anniversaries, birthdays, special days—but the one I like to believe weighs the most and hits the hardest year after year is Mother’s Day.
RELATED: Mother’s Day Looks Different When Your Mom is in Heaven
Regardless of how much time passes and how many of these awful days I have experienced, this day continues to hurt just as much. It’s a day of feeling out of place. It’s a day of watching everyone around you dedicate their day to the person you so deeply wish could still be part of your life. It’s a day of avoidance because no place feels like a comforting place to land.
It’s the loads of emails and advertisements in every store that mime as well flash a sign saying, “Your mom is dead.” It’s reminders everywhere we look that our mom isn’t here, and our reality is so far from the norm for someone our age.
RELATED: I’m the Friend With the Dead Mom
So, for me, time hasn’t made this day any easier. Time hasn’t made me want any less to crawl in bed with my favorite snack and a comfort show, escaping the world until it all goes back to normal tomorrow. Time hasn’t made me feel any less like an outcast, telling me that I am living in a world so few people in my life are able to understand.
Time doesn’t make Mother’s Day hurt any less. And time certainly doesn’t make me forget the fact that I had the best mom in the world and that our time got cut way too short.