Mother’s Day after your mom dies looks different.

Mother’s Day looks like dodging the card aisle because you just can’t bring yourself to read them and the truth is you don’t feel like you belong in that aisle anymore, it’s for those with a mom who lives here and not in Heaven.

It looks like changing the channel when the commercials come on talking about gifts for mom because you know that not even Amazon Prime can deliver a gift to Heaven.

It looks a lot like hoping nobody will ask you what your plans are with your mom for Mother’s Day or what you bought your mom.

It looks a lot like wishing you could buy her just one gift.

It looks a lot like old memories and trying to remember the last Mother’s Day you spent with her.

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It looks a lot like old pictures together because she won’t be here to take new pictures with you on Mother’s Day.

It’s a lot of people telling you how you should move on and just walk down the card aisle.

But you see, Mother’s Day is so much more than all of that after your mom dies.

It’s a lot like savoring every moment you can not just on the holidays but every single day in between.

It’s a lot like praying that your kids know that the cards and gifts are great but all you really want is time with them and that’s all because your mom taught you that.

It’s a lot like thinking of your mom the entire day but knowing that’s nothing new.

It’s a lot like hoping that you’ve turned out to be every bit like her.

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It’s a lot like praying she’s up there in Heaven knowing that this Mother’s Day will be like all the others since she left.

It will be a day where no matter how much the grief creeps in you will still forever be thankful that because of her you get to have this day and no matter how far away she is or how long she’s been gone you know she’s still your Mom.

This post originally appeared on Grief To Hope with Nikki Pennington

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Nikki Pennington

Nikki is a stay at home mom to three, high spirited boys. Three years ago she became a motherless daughter after losing her own mom to terminal brain cancer. When she is not playing the role of referee for the boys, she spends her days trying to encourage and inspire others that are on the grief journey. Read more from Nikki on her blog: