Dear family and past friends,
For so long, I believed your lies. They stuck with me in the back of my head like a catchy song you just wish you could forget. You made me believe I was unworthy.
Unworthy of love. Unworthy of friendship. Unworthy of family. Like no matter what I did, it would never be good enough and I would always be cast aside and forgotten. Unwanted. Hated.
When you spend your life being fed these lies by everyone around you it is so hard to believe anything different.
You fall into a deep depression and a spiral of self-hatred and doubt.
You wonder where you went wrong and what you’ve done to make people feel such disdain for you. So you work twice as hard as everyone else to prove yourself.
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You go out of your way to help others and be a kind and caring person. You push yourself to accomplish your goals and be successful.
You try to insert yourself into get-togethers and activities. You go out of your way—reaching out to everyone, hoping for someone to return the effort and show they care.
You overcome every trial and obstacle that life has thrown at you and come out on the other side a stronger and better person because of it.
And yet . . .
It still isn’t enough. You are still the black sheep of the family and the forgotten friend.
So now, I have something to say to all of you who made me believe I had no worth.
I am done.
I’m done trying to please you. I’m done trying to earn your approval and your love. I’m done caring what you think of me. I know who I am and where my worth comes from. I know I have so much to be proud of and that I am a good person with a good heart.
It saddens me that you do not want to be a part of my life or my children’s lives, but I can’t change how you feel and what you think of me.
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Please know this doesn’t change the fact that I love you and am rooting for you to succeed in life. Despite how you made me feel, I still care about you.
But I can love you from afar.
I can cheer you on and wish you well without bending over backward trying to keep you in my life and forcing you to care about me.
I am simply choosing my own well-being ahead of everyone else for the first time in my life.
And to the few people who have loved me and have been there for me, I want to say thank you. Your support in light of the way everyone else treated me has meant everything.
So I’ll keep pushing forward like I’ve always done. But this time it will be with a new weight lifted from my shoulders as I finally step into who I am meant to be and leave everything else behind.