The inevitable has finally happened; my son wants to date. Wait, wasn’t it just yesterday that I celebrated my son’s 3rd birthday… complete with a cupcake to the face and streamers? Didn’t we just take his first day of middle-school picture off the fridge?
But now, he’s entered high school and things are so, so different. His athletics locker room smells like the cafeteria’s expired cheese selection and at times, his communication skills are akin to primal syllables… especially when an early alarm fails to rouse him up and out of bed.
And there are girls. Girls are no longer yucky or buddies, they are something that crashes over your son’s heart with an uncontrollable amount of force, with feelings he can’t yet fully comprehend.
So, to the girl who is going to date my son, I’m writing to you because you are going to be spending time with someone who is my everything. I too love him more than you can imagine. I want you to know this….
- He is just a boy. Do you remember your first day of kindergarten? Or getting your braces off? As much as you can remember these rights of passages, remember that he too is crossing over between a child and a man. He may have big muscles but he cannot even drive you on a date just yet.
- I will be protective of him. I cannot help it. It’s my role as a mother to coach, guide and protect my son. Thank you for honoring my position as someone who has a few years left as his authority figure.
- Hold onto your dreams! Teenage love whips around like the winds of a hurricane and it’s easy to get swayed into everything HE likes or thinks. Trust me, when he was 3 he was going to be a fireman so whatever he thinks now, he’ll probably change his mind a few more times.
- Don’t ask more of him than he can give you. God has to be your source of feeling valued. Your relationship with your heavenly father and your natural father has to be enough that my son’s adoration is simply icing on the cake. He’s navigating sports, rigorous academic demands and learning how to navigate additional responsibility, WITH unpredictable and raging hormones. He will not have time to fill your emotional bucket.
- You deserve respect. Listen carefully to me. I can talk until I’m blue in the face to him about respecting a girl and God’s plan for purity, but your behavior has a lot of influence on him. How you dress, speak and act says a lot about how you want to be treated; none of this mixed message stuff; teenage boys can’t understand what you are trying to say. Take dating slow, sweetheart, because you can never go back and undo your heat of the moment decisions.
- Don’t sneak around. Partner with each other to bring out the best in one another. There’s so many great things ahead for the both of you and although I’m scared to death that my son is dating, it will go a whole lot easier if y’all are honest about where you are and who you are with. I tell my son, “Telling the truth is the easiest thing to remember and eventually, I’ll find out anyway.”
- Be honest with him. If it’s not working out, please don’t string it along. Have a face to face conversation and move on. Do NOT end it via a note or text or worse yet, move along without letting him know.
- Know that I am praying for you. I’ll be honest—in the beginning I didn’t want to like you because I am not ready to face this. I’m not ready for my son to give his heart to someone else. I’m not ready to put all my faith in God and pray that you two will make good decisions when you are together. I’m petrified that you will break his heart. BUT, I’m trying. Please know that I’m on your side. I was a young teenage girl once too. So I’m praying for you. I’m praying you’ll feel honored and cherished and respected and full of joy when you are with my son. I’m praying that your relationship with God is first, your parents second and my son third. I’m praying you’ll bring out the best in him, and even motivate him to go after his dreams just as we are. I’m praying that you enjoy this time for what it is, not take yourselves so seriously and have some great adventures together on this thing called life.
Your Boyfriend’s Mom.