You knew becoming a mother was going to be a big change to your life, but you never expected this.
You never expected to be consumed by it.
Yes, you knew your priorities would change.
You knew you would be exhausted at times and that it was going to be challenging.
You knew life was changing and understood the responsibility you were taking on, but you didn’t know that you could completely lose yourself along the way.
You didn’t know you could get lost in motherhood.
It’s not something that happens overnight, but one day you looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the woman staring back.
You try to remember when you lost the old you, but you don’t know exactly when, you just know this isn’t you.
This isn’t what motherhood was meant to feel like.
I knew motherhood was going to be hard, but I also thought it would make me a stronger and happier person.
But at that moment, the person looking back at me wasn’t happy and didn’t feel strong.
She felt weak, she felt lost, and she felt alone.
I knew what a blessing I was experiencing and how lucky I was to be a mother to my beautiful babies. My heart should have been overflowing with love, but I felt broken at times.
Sometimes I felt why me? and I hated myself for feeling like this. I felt horrible and selfish thinking like this but that only made it worse.
For the first six months, I ran on autopilot. I thought if I said how I felt out loud, I would look like a failure and a bad mother, so I stayed quiet, hoping it would pass.
I reverted more and more into myself as the weeks and months passed so that I could shut out how I felt, but that didn’t help either.
Eventually, I spoke to my husband and a few people I was close to—some were very supportive while others didn’t quite get it and put it down to mama tiredness and moved on.
Right then and there I realized how small my support network really was and for a time it hurt, but looking back, it actually made me stronger because I wasn’t waiting for their support anymore.
This was my fight and my life, and I wasn’t going to sit back anymore hoping for someone to dig me out—this was something I had to get myself out of.
I decided that I wasn’t accepting this from myself anymore.
I re-evaluated what I wanted out of life.
I looked back and took stock of my pre-motherhood life and decided what parts were worth keeping and what parts I was holding on to out of stubbornness but didn’t really care for anymore.
Taking the time to do this life review made me realize I had never lost myself in motherhood after all . . . I had actually only outgrown the woman who I had once been. Holding on to who I was, was part of what was holding me back.
Yes, in the early days it was hard, and I was overwhelmed.
Yes, I struggled with figuring it all out.
Yes, I hated it at times, but in all honesty, what mother doesn’t? It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child . . . it means, you’re human.
The way you are feeling is real, so do not belittle it.
Look for help—speak to people in your life who you trust.
Keeping it a secret makes it feel harder, it makes it feel bigger, and it makes it feel lonely.
Accept that not everyone is going to understand, not everyone is going to care the way you thought they would, but that’s OK. Everyone has their own stuff going on.
You’ve gotten this far, and you’re doing so much better than you realize.
You are so much stronger than you realize.
Motherhood has made you stronger even through your weaker moments.
So my advice is to let go of who you think you are and get to know who you have grown into.
She is amazing, but she is also still learning, so please give her some grace.
Motherhood is hard, but it is worth every minute of it.
So don’t fight it—embrace the good parts, learn from the hard parts, grow as you learn, and love as much as you can.
You’ve got this.
From a mama who gets it and knows you can find your spark again.