I’m writing this now because I didn’t have the strength to face you. I knew that once I saw you again, tears will soon fall. I’m currently conflicted — my aching heart wants you to see this, while my brain is deciding against it. However, I’ve had these words bottled up inside me for the longest time, and they’ve been begging to be let out.

It’s about time I relieve this heart of the pain from the past.

Over three years ago, my life changed. I just started my very first job. Naturally, I was shy. I didn’t talk to anyone for the first few weeks. Soon enough, I became familiar with the new surroundings, and that’s when I met you. In the summer of that year, I came down with the flu. As I lay on my deathbed for three excruciatingly long days, my phone would not stop ringing. Agitated, I picked up the phone and with my lifeless voice, demanded to know who was calling. That worried man was you. A weak smile crawled upon my face for a moment as I listened to your voice, making sure I was alright.

A few weeks passed and our conversations became deeper. More importantly, so did our friendship. There was no time in the day that we didn’t share a laugh. Ultimately, we became inseparable. Soon after, you professed your true feelings for me, and I knew there was no way out of it. I became the blooming rose that brought life to your dreary, and you, became the sun that brought light to my life. Together, we existed in perfect harmony, but helpless when separated.

As time went on, other opportunities fell on your lap one at a time, while I was busy with school and thanking the Gods for my own blessings. Slowly, our lives parted ways. Sweet good mornings and tireless goodnights became less and less frequent. Conversations started to digress more and more. We became more frustrated with life, and threatened to leave the relationship we built from dust.

This continued for months, until you and I came back to where we started, as if we were strangers once again. There was nothing but tears as I laid in bed every night, reminiscing, cherishing all the good memories we had as I tried to mask the pain that was embedded in my heart. No goodbyes were uttered. It’s as if it was all a dream.

In the midst of all this, I wanted to thank you for everything. For giving me your heart, though for a short period of time, and for taking care of mine. Thank you for the smiles you’ve given me when I thought I no longer had a reason to smile. I want to apologize for doing that one thing I promised I would never do — and that is to leave you.

I guess this is the end. I apologize for not being able to say any of these things to you in person. I wish I could but I can’t afford to see you at this moment.

Maybe someday.

Jeanne Nimo

Jeanne M. Nimo is a college student from Southern New Jersey who has a passion for learning. She is in the process of earning her two degrees -- for both Nursing and English Literature. When she's not working her day job as a Pharmacy Technician, she can be found lurking at a nearby Starbucks, sipping on seasonal caffeinated beverages, trying to conquer the world -- one profession at a time. She is also a publishing artist under 451 Press, whose debut poetry collection is set to be released on March 2016.